That it’s women who are still locked down?

[Sadie789]

My DH goes back to work next week and rightly so, long overdue in my opinion.

However, I can’t go back to work as with two young DC we have no childcare and it’s not possible to do my job from home.

Under normal circumstances without childcare it wouldn’t really be an issue as there would be classes and clubs and play parks and soft plays and friends to meet up with, so a full weekly schedule out and about with things to do.

I can’t take them to the supermarket or round the shops either, no grandparents allowed etc.

As it stands none of these things are available nor are likely to be for a while, so for me my situation has not changed from the initial lockdown - stay at home, go out for exercise (weather permitting).

Meanwhile my DH and the Hs of my friends are all back at work out of the house living normal days. At the weekends the golf is back on so that’s a leisure option.

Many of my friends are also trying to work from home while looking after children, some also homeschooling older ones.

Women who don’t have children are also on the back foot as many of the professions which are traditionally female - hair and beauty, retail, hospitality - remain closed and will be for some time.

Meanwhile men are back in the workplace. When furlough ends it will be those who are able to present for work and give all their attention to their job who are preferred by employers. Recruitment will be skewed by this too. It’s the traditionally male industries that are able to return earlier- outdoor and manual work.

When it does return childcare is likely to be limited in hours and more expensive- Scotland has quietly dropped the 30 free hours from
August that were going to make it financially viable for me to work. Now it’s going to be a matter of me earning a couple of hundred pounds extra per month instead of nearly £1000 that was previously the case.

I am far from a feminist, but it feels like any equality women had gained is being seriously eroded by lockdown and the exit strategy that has deftly avoided any conversation around how women, especially with younger children, are getting the raw deal.

God Sadie you're so full of shit. I thought you'd disappeared but clearly just a NC

I've been working through out this and my partners still furlughed with no idea when he'll be back at work. In my office plenty of men have moved to work weekends so they can spread childcare.

@malificent7 you've spelt maleficent wrong

would love to know how you choose to have a better paid job than your spouse

I see I've been beaten to it, but I'll pile on anyway. Women will be the ones going to work where they are married to lower-earning man. The reason they aren't is likely not to do with men being paid more, it's more likely to be because women are far more inclined than men to choose a spouse who earns more than them.

Not true for my family. I have gone to work throughout. DH has been furloughed. We've both spoken to our employers about managing childcare when we return. I do think that more generally women will be in a worse position though.

The trouble is that many women seem happy to take on easy part-time poorly-paid roles, then are surprised when this limits their opportunities or causes inequity in their relationships. We need women to understand that they should get out there to take the best jobs available, earn good money and then negotiate the world from a position of strength. Ideally making a start before taking time off for having children!

OP - you are speaking for yourself. I work, I've continued working from home, I will continue to work. If you don't like the way your life is panning out then please apply for new jobs, do qualifications, whatever. But don't complain that you don't earn much after paying for childcare, your complaint should be that you don't earn much generally and want to figure out how to change that. That's before we even start on why you and your DH apparently don't share finances.

Me and my husband are both working doing opposite shifts so we can cover childcare.
Means we never see each other and he is missing out on a lot of family things we do in the evenings when he would usually be here with us.
But very thankful we both have our jobs still obviously

I can’t believe the hysteria around schools has led to a quiet acceptance that mothers have to jeopardise their jobs.

It’s outrageous. A lot of the hysteria about schools opening though is that adults think it will mean its longer before they can do what they want if schools affect the R. So there seems to be a guilt tripping of parents to prioritise everyone else’s needs over those of themselves and their children.

*it feels like any equality women had gained is being seriously eroded by lockdown and the exit strategy that has deftly avoided any conversation around how women, especially with younger children, are getting the raw deal

Totally agree OP - and it is shown in this thread!*

It’s totally the opposite here- DH is having to do more than ever in terms of childcare, home ed, housework, as we are both juggling work and 3 young DCs without our usual child care. Being at home all the time means he sees how much needs doing, and my DSs are getting a brilliant lesson in the fact that mummy works bloody hard at a difficult job, and that daddy is just as capable of helping with homework, cooking dinner, wiping noses and mopping the floor.

“I am far from a feminist”.
And that’s your problem.
It’s not a dirty word you know 🙄

I am WFH full time whilst my husband is furloughed in his role that always earned a quarter of mine, and now at 80% - even less.

My XH is the father of our two children. He was pretty shit in the home (lazy) but when it came to time off for exceptional childcare, it was 50/50, based on whose work would be more flexible at that moment. Similar earnings.

I do agree that women are more likely to be impacted by struggling to go back to work without childcare.

But you need to look at your role in this, OP. You’re not a feminist so you decided against progressing your career to an earning point similar to your husband BEFORE having children, and you didn’t ensure an equal input to childcare.

My friend’s husband earns 3x her shop based work. When the kids are ill, it’s still him that dress home - his higher earning job is office based and had more flexibility for WFH. Never has he said he doesn’t do it as he earns more.

Your comment about golf shows how rooted in the 50s you are, and why it’s a shame you’re not a feminist. It is possible for a higher earning man to make the joint decision to go back to work now, leaving the wife to look after children... and then come Saturday morning he WANTS to be with his kids, whilst SHE takes advantage of that to get in a round of golf.

Stop seeing feminism as a dirty word, and start challenging your own thinking.

It's choices. It's a wonder anyone bothers to have a partner or children on MN. They are it seems a lot more trouble than they're worth.

Was my husband able to breastfeed my babies? No. Could he have made the physical recovery from birth quicker for me? No. Could he have helped me with my PTSD? No. That’s why I couldn’t have gone back to my high status job. It’s not all about choices. Biology matters. It bloody well does.

I am far from being a feminist

So you don’t believe that women and men should be equal?

I don’t care about white male privilege or growing my armpit hair or being the top bitch in the boardroom

Wow, this just makes me really sad. You are presumably an adult women and this is what you believe feminism is. We have so far to come.

Of course, COVID-19 is going to screw over women. In a crisis like this, the vast majority of caring is falling on women. Yes, the penalty of having children will also make it much more difficult for women But none of this is new. We know working women do vastly more emotional and domestic labour. We know that men with children are far less likely to experience the same work based penalties that come with motherhood. That’s the patriarchy alive and well in 21st century Britain.

@fascinated it’s not hard to combine a career with kids when you’re highly paid. You just hire help/ask your spouse to be a SAHP. How do you think all the highly successful men managed to do it? Clearly all these female solicitors you know just weren’t that dedicated to their careers (perfectly fine of course, their choice).

I was ready to come on and 'broadly' agree with you until the 'bitch in the boardroom' comment. That alone makes you part of the problem.

FWIW, I've been working this whole time, my DH has been at home looking after our DC. I earn more than him.

^
This x 100.

Dont complain about being shafted when you've been complicit in the decision making that got you there!

It makes financial sense to allow the higher paid person to return to work while there's limited childcare, regardless of gender.

If your husband is going to golf on a weekend that’s your issue not society’s!

I'm far from a feminist

Maybe if you were you'd have noticed inequalities sooner and would have bettered your own position rather than supporting your husband to be the higher earner.

You’re quite right in what you’re saying OP but many on here will tell you it’s your own fault for choosing to have children and berate you for not having a crystal ball to predict CV...obviously.

I imagine quite a bit of funding we’ve all come to expect (like the funded childcare hours) will be pulled to repay the crippling furlough debt. People will complain it’s conservative austerity but offer no alternative suggestion for repaying this HUGE debt we’ve taken on! I don’t think anybody is properly comprehending that the government has bankrupted itself and we are heading into a recession the likes of which we’ve never known before.

A very entitled generation are about to have a very hard fall and yes a high percentage of women will be disadvantaged. I do think feminism and equality may seem a little insignificant though when the current middle classes start losing their homes and not being able to feed their children.

I agree with you OP, the way the government announced people would go back to work from Wednesday on a Sunday eve clearly shows the lack of gender diversity at the top. A woman would have been much more aware of the need to arrange childcare with plenty of notice. Most people in the governments top team are male and whether you support them or not it shows again and again in their male friendly actions This article is a very interesting read www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/apr/17/lockdown-women-working-mothers-coronavirus-home-working

Sadie 789 I think some people on here have chosen to deliberately misunderstand you TBH. Mumsnet is a great site to be on but it has probably a large proportion of well educated women who earn well .In the population at large, many women are working P/T or not at all .The figures for men doing the same are much lower.Women are indeed taking the hit as you say . When I was a child in the 70s Mum did "Part time" hours 9 to 4pm ! By the time she had commuted to work ,her hours were more 8 to 6! I know many women who work P/T or are H/W because their DH earns more ,even though they have similar qualifications and earnings pre DC.Its all very well saying go to work ,but as he earns more that will not work for you and the majority of women who are in your position (and presumably not on Mumsnet!)

sylvanian - yes i can see that women earn less, but my point is that is often due to their own personal attitude and choices. And I dont believe i suggested she got some wee crappy job - more that they relook at their childcare provision and dont just rely on free handouts from the scottish government. for example, she could look at doing an open university course to increase her earning potential whilst husband look after kids in evenings/weekends.

See we’ve already had the post saying it’s an individual issue. Structurally women are in lower paid jobs or earn less as they are part time and consequences spiral from this that perpetuate inequality.

Please go back to work and remember the childcare costs are joint not yours to cover from your salary.

It’s down to family choice, career choice, I don’t think that it’s a female issue.

I think we are going backwards, not forward.
Ok, Hospitality has as many if not more males employed, who are furloughed.
You need to tell your dh to step up unless the golf is your hobbie.

Of course those able to work will get priority, no employer wants people paid to sit at home, whether man or woman.

If you are happy to put your husband's career in front of your own happiness, more fool you. Perhaps he earns more than you and that's more important to you, more fool you.
If he is putting his career and happiness before yours, then more fool you.

It's not women who are discriminated against, we have equality, now you can live your life how you want.
You need to sort out your husband tbh.