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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family member invited me for a picnic then asked me to provide the food, CF or not?

205 replies

BlueBlueAndPink · 22/05/2020 09:49

A member of my family has been looking forward to restrictions being loosened so we could meet up and they could see the children. They invited us (me and the children) for a socially distanced picnic.

They then asked me to provide the food "you can sort the food can't you"

Getting the children ready for days out and leaving the house takes forever as it is and I find that stressful enough, this person doesn't have children so doesn't appreciate that.

Am I being a spoil sport or are they a CF?

OP posts:
Delatron · 22/05/2020 15:34

Yes exactly the police are not bothered.

We all know the 2m rule is arbitrary too? Is 1.5 in some countries... 1m in others. That’s funny how ‘science’ differs from country to country.

But what we do know is that outside the risk of spread is far lower. The main risk is inside, with close contact for more than 15 minutes.

LemonTT · 22/05/2020 15:34

It’s not illegal to sit together. Even amongst households. It’s not a police issue. It’s a public health issue. Most PCs will not have a background on public health policy or epidemiology.

Our best public health advice is that there is greater risk of mixing households than sitting in proximity to strangers. Maybe you know more than them.

No one is being outraged with you. We are answering your question on what the difference is between sitting 2m away from strangers and having a picnic with your family.

Your entire post explains the peer pressure you have already been placed under to go further than you intended to. You then had to seek groups advice on what to do to challenge that.

Your logic doesn’t follow your experience.

BlueBlueAndPink · 22/05/2020 15:42

I didn't need advice on how to challenge the issue of being asked to provide food.

I swiftly shut it down and explained I couldn't/wouldn't be doing that.

I asked whether people thought it was a cheeky request. That was all.

I didn't need educating on social distancing or pages of lectures as to why I shouldn't be going.

It actually is a police matter to enforce the rules, they are are the ones dishing out the fines that somebody wished on me a few pages ago. They had no issue with us having a socially distanced picnic.

If they felt we were a risk they would have said as much, or fined us.

We've sat further than 2m apart for the duration and nobody has touched one another, other than me and the children who I share a household with.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 22/05/2020 16:06

Our best public health advice is that there is greater risk of mixing households than sitting in proximity to strangers

I’m pretty sure that’s neither true nor possible.

LemonTT · 22/05/2020 16:09

It’s what Professor Chris Whitty said yesterday.

Alsohuman · 22/05/2020 16:11

I’m pretty sure he didn’t because the basis of that is that the virus can differentiate between strangers and family members. Which is clearly bollocks.

happypoobum · 22/05/2020 16:11

Christ! What an idiot.

indub · 22/05/2020 16:16

Alsohuman - gold!

CherryStoneTree · 22/05/2020 16:24

@crustycrab I have not heard the term dementors before, have seen the thread heading and assumed it was a Harry Potter reference. Was going to start a thread to ask what it meant, but from your post you clearly think everyone in the world knows what it means so I won’t bother.

LemonTT · 22/05/2020 16:25

It’s the not danger arising from the behaviour of the virus. It’s the risk associated with human behaviour. We treat strangers differently from family and friends. We copy the behaviour of our peers. If everyone is doing it, it becomes acceptable for us to do it.

I go out every day. Since the change in rules people are meeting in family and friendship groups to picnic. They are not socially distancing. They are behaving very differently towards these people than the strangers 2-3m away. They sit in close proximity and they exchange food and drip. Many are drinking alcohol and getting closer and closer.

heartsonacake · 22/05/2020 16:34

I haven't flounced at all.

So your “Last post” comment was a lie, then?

I don't expect everybody to RTFT but my household has already gone through a mandatory two week quarantine for coronavirus, I had textbook symptoms and my son was "diagnosed" by NHS111 shortly after.

So? That’s totally irrelevant. The rules aren’t “if you’ve suffered, do whatever the fuck you want” you know.

JinglingHellsBells · 22/05/2020 16:35

I’m pretty sure that’s neither true nor possible. [Easier to infect family relatives than strnagers...]

It's pretty easy to understand @Alsohuman

It's about behaviour. You are unlikely to hug a stranger but you are likely to hug a granny or a parent or a niece , sister etc.

People think they are virus free when asymptomatic , so they think it's okay to meet in family groups and have physical contact, and lots of asymptomatic relatives can then go into the workplace or on transport and infect others.

JinglingHellsBells · 22/05/2020 16:37

@BlueBlueAndPink You are determined aren't you to keep going with this despite saying so many posts were your last.

When in a hole, stop digging.....

BlueBlueAndPink · 22/05/2020 16:40

Last post before I went offline to go out, obviously.

Some people here are so rude,

sarcastic and full of yourselves. Are you this pedantic and up your own arse IRL or is it just a persona you adopt for the internet? I'm guessing the latter.

I've never met such rude people IRL, as I come across on here. What are you compensating for?

I couldn't give a flying fuck how you feel about it. You're barking up the wrong tree and have taken the whole post out of context.

I mentioned the fact we'd likely had it to show that we are less likely to be at risk, or be a risk.

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 22/05/2020 16:43

Last post before I went offline to go out, obviously.

Yeah, okay. Shall I grab you a shovel?

BlueBlueAndPink · 22/05/2020 16:47

Well I'm clearly still here so I don't see your point?

I had a lovely picnic and I couldn't care less how you feel about it. I might have another one tomorrow Smile

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 22/05/2020 16:51

Well I'm clearly still here so I don't see your point?

That along with everything else you have no problem lying either.

Last post before I went offline to go out, obviously.

Of course you will, because you’re selfish and you’re willing to put yourself and your family at risk.

heartsonacake · 22/05/2020 16:52

Apologies, that second point was meant to copy and paste this awful quote:

I had a lovely picnic and I couldn't care less how you feel about it. I might have another one tomorrow

Alsohuman · 22/05/2020 16:52

So if you treat your family members as you would treat a stranger, the risk is the same. Ergo it’s fine as long as you stay 2m - or whatever the recommended distance is at the time - apart. And the risk is the same.

I do wish they’d teach risk assessment and logic in schools.

NietzschePeachPearPlum · 22/05/2020 16:53

I bumped into a friend when I was out dog walking earlier, so we walked together, at a good 2m+ distance for a little while, talking.
Then another outside the pharmacy whom I chatted to for a little while as we waited in the queue. Well distanced, of course.

If either of them had texted me beforehand about where they would be and suggesting it would be nice if I was there too, that would not have been OK. But they didn’t, so it was. I think.

Anyway, as the OP was about providing food and nothing else, YANBU, OP.

BlueBlueAndPink · 22/05/2020 16:59

If either of them had texted me beforehand about where they would be and suggesting it would be nice if I was there too, that would not have been OK. But they didn’t, so it was. I think

I don't think it makes any difference really, whether you planned to or bumped into them by chance. The result was the same. You caught up with friends whilst maintaining 2m distance. Non issue.

To you "dementors" on here (love that word, very fitting) i hope if you see any of your family or friends when out and about you avoid them completely, because it's much more dangerous to socialise with family and friends outside than it is strangers in the supermarket or park, apparently.

You miserable gits.

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 22/05/2020 17:03

You miserable gits.

Yeah, it’s so miserable to not want to increase the risk of a deadly disease in the general population and put our families at risk Hmm

Deliberately putting children at risk of anything is a neglect issue, and that includes coronavirus.

Alsohuman · 22/05/2020 17:04

Children are at the least risk from this.

BlueBlueAndPink · 22/05/2020 17:05

Putting children at risk by taking them for a picnic where they sit in their pram over 2m away from relatives is a neglect issue? You complete fucking tool Grin

You had better report the government to children's services then, because they're planning to send a whole lot of children back to school in a matter of weeks. Shocking.

OP posts:
canigooutyet · 22/05/2020 17:20

Good on you op and others doing similar. Once it was announced that nannies and cleaners could return to their jobs, it gave the message to make your own risk assessments.

We are allowed outside to have picnics, play tennis and whatever else.

Police wouldn't just walk up to them and give them a fine. Police have to prove they are breaking the social distancing rules. And even them over the weeks have said they are powerless.

But then I'm the shielded who is supposed to stay locked up until it's time to what, wait until it's safe? That's at least another 4 months. I've already served at least 2 months. What crime did I commit that deserves this? Is it now a crime to be born, because in a way that what it feels like.

When I was able to, based on my own risk assessment based on various factors. I went outside, and onto the street. I walked, I sat, I met some interesting people along the way, all socially distancing. I went home. And when I needed, I did it again and will continue to do so when I can.

If I had sat indoor all this time, I would have killed myself already.

I even spoke to local officers I've gotten to know over the years, same with omfg people from other households. And for some unknown reason, going out into that scary world keeps me from killing myself.

I am not alone. People who are shielded/unshielded/doesn't matter people are struggling mentally across the globe. The increase this would create with MH was talked about back in March? It still keeps propping up. One of the main reasons for this is not being able to go out.

And to make it even more baffling, I am also advised to get as much sun as possible, because my body has difficulty producing that stuff we need from the sun Grin

Or I could chat to my neighbours who are outside enjoying themselves, both our households could sit in our (invisible) gardens, spend the day chatting away. Could make a day of it, get the pools and sandpits out in both gardens.

But spend 20 minutes chatting to a couple of people elsehwere, and omg ruunnnn.