To feel my employer are suddenly discriminating because I have a young child?

[Tayo23]

I work for a government dpt where it is not usually commonplace to be able to work from home. On 19th/20th March when the schools closed, I was asked in work if this would impact me in regards to childcare - it does, and I was offered a laptop to work from home which I gratefully took.

At this point all my colleagues (except for a minority shielding or in similar positions) remained in the office every day as there were a lack of laptops for them - it was BAU. I worked remotely from home, with colleagues in the office uploading my (and other remote workers) work. A week later my office closed (a non-critical govt dpt) however I have continued to work from home since then although my colleagues without laptops were not working at all. My partner was furloughed a week or so after my office closed so has been a great help keeping 4yo entertained.

At the end of April my office advised those without laptops must return to the office one day a week on a rota basis to upload, (to maintain social distancing). I was not asked because it was understood I was working from home. Last week they provided everyone in my office (around 80 people) with laptops. I have now been told that because everyone else now has a laptop, I am now too required to work one day a week in the office, and spend the rest of the week working from home.

My partner returns to work next week. I now am in same position as end of March before lockdown re childcare. They are allowing me to take special leave for the one day a week I can’t come into the office, for 4 weeks. After then I have to use annual leave. I have repeatedly stressed I am willing to continue working each day from home. I just simply cannot leave my child at home alone. My partner is unable to get paid leave off and we would struggle without his pay.

AIBU to feel this way, they understood initially and accommodated me which I was extremely grateful for. I have worked each day whilst my colleagues barely have done until now, but now they too have the facilities to work from home, the goalposts have been moved.

I am not happy being told when to take AL when I have not asked for any time off. Do I have a leg to stand on here if I take this higher than my own line manager (who robotically regurgitates things without much compassion or consideration for people’s individual circumstances)

As said before, I can see a horrible situation where employers do everything they can to avoid hiring women of childbearing age and to hell with what that'll do to family budgets

In the meantime, like it or not, some dads really will need to step up more over childcare. It was all very well treating it as womens' work when women just worked for a bit of extra cash, but we're not in those days any more - and while it wouldn't be easy, things worth having seldom are
I totally agree.
If we continue to accept that it's just life that women have to take all the days off, it's just life that mum has to be the one at home when DC are sick, that mum's employers should bend around the children (when those organisations probably also employ men as well!), then we are perpetuating the idea that it's fine to view women of childbearing age as a liability.

If we roll over and unquestioningly accept that DP's work comes first, that DP couldn't possibly have the same flexibility that is probably afforded to the mums in his workplace, that DP doesn't so sick days with children and so on then the men continue to get an easier life, no fatherhood penalty for working, no impact on his career.

If anything is going to change then more men need to step up at home and more women need to stop accepting that there's some divine law that says any employers of dads can't be flexible when the same employers employing mums should be super flexible because, well, mums.

I think your employer is being unnecessarily rigid - rules for the sake of rules - another "can't do" attitude. You have a reasonable excuse as to why you cannot come into the office and it is because of current circumstances - could people just not be a bit more understanding, flexible, employ a bit of solutions based thinking - you're not even asking to shirk your duties as some people are...I think you should speak to HR or someone more senior or more bloody human.

LolaSmiles

I do agree wholeheartedly in principle for the bigger picture. I know some men who dream of doing the childcare because their job is ‘more important’ than their DP’s. This isn’t the situation with me. I have the better job, earn more and work for a civil service department renowned for its flexibility. DP works for a small business where he doesn’t even get sick pay. It’s not quite the same and not a gender issue personally.

@LaurieMarlow that's why her and her partner are the alternative childcare, they are being made available through taking days of AL and parental leave.

That's all it needs to be for now, a short term solution, if OP and her husband alternative 1 days leave a week they have 40 weeks covered a year by AL alone before you even start to consider taking unpaid leave. And given plans are already in place for reopening nurseries in the coming months, it will most likely only be for 10 weeks maximum, that's 5 days annual leave per parent, no unpaid leave actually necessary unless they want to take it as such. Hardly the massive chunk you are suggesting.

Everyone's life is difficult and more stressful right now than normal, that's not unique to working parents or any other category of people.

Childcare will not continue to be unavailable forever, and as OP/her partner only need to take 1 day per week until it does they will have plenty of AL to cover it for the foreseeable.

*wouldnt dream

Tayo23 Sorry I should have clarified, I was speaking generally in my last post, not regarding you and your DP. I've seen some of your updates.

OP you keep saying you can work from home but actually you can't.

As @dontdisturbmenow pointed out - part of your work is the uploading when in the office and this is equally part of everyone work in your office. Therefore you are asking your employer to change your responsibilities from the office uploading to all working at home. And because the uploading is still necessary this would mean putting these responsibilities onto someone else. That would be unfair on them. How can you not see that this is discriminatory against whoever has to do this part of your job for you for the reasons previously stated (exposure to virus, time and money of commuting).

You can do the majority of your work from home and absolutely should continue to do so and your employer shouldn't expect you to come into the office for those parts but for the uploading part which requires being the office for your employer is not at all unreasonable to expect you to be in as it is an aspect of your role that you can't complete from home.

And because the uploading is still necessary this would mean putting these responsibilities onto someone else. That would be unfair on them

And closing down childcare wasn’t unfair on the OP?

Come on now, bigger picture.

As for the annual leave point. We don’t know how much the OP/her DH has available. We also don’t know how long the childcare situation will continue. Using up all their leave now will leave no contingency for the future to cover things like child illness. No doubt there’d be lots of complaints about that too if it can’t be covered.

Parents have been put in a very difficult situation. That’s just undeniable. A little flexibility would go a looooong way here. What does it say about society that we can’t do that?

Therefore you are asking your employer to change your responsibilities from the office uploading to all working at home. And because the uploading is still necessary this would mean putting these responsibilities onto someone else. That would be unfair on them. I agree unfair on them if it was forced on them - but what about asking if anyone would like to volunteer to do that bit of the OPs job - surely it's not a big deal for a few people to split and help the OP out, have workplaces really become to utterly devoid of humanity.

have workplaces really become to utterly devoid of humanity.

Looks like it from this thread (and others)

OP If I was your colleague I would swap that day with you and do 2 days in the office. Because I can now that my DC are teenagers and can be left. My team is supportive so when I get a call from school to say my DD is ill my colleagues cover for me just like I covered for a bereaved colleague when her husband died and I cover for a colleague going through IVF when she has medical appointments. We all support each other, none of this everyone having to do exactly the same to make everything 'fair'.

beabitnicer

Yes part of the overall job is to upload onto the system. We do the work at home, enter it all into a spreadsheet, sent it an inbox at the end of the day, and then at some point it is entered into the ‘uploading’ system and submitted. We do not submit our own work, it’s just whatever it is in the pot. This was initially done by 5 lower grade admin staff, who’s jobs are pretty similar day to day anyways. Eventually they asked all those at home to come in and do it too, one day a week (presumably they felt enough time of them doing nothing with full pay had passed). It was only when these people were given laptops, and only then that I was told to come in. The business need is the same, has not changed at all, the work is running out currently until things open back up again. My point is - they were not expectant of me to do this before, they were perfectly happy with me working the actual job all week from home. My colleagues were still being asked to go in one day, just as they are now - the only difference now is that they too have laptops. How has this changed my situation - I was never a part of the uploading workers.

And yes ofc I can see that there is a greater risk with them commuting etc. But I am not advising I can’t go in because I don’t want to put myself at risk - it’s because of the current situation finding impromptu childcare has proven impossible. And when my colleagues are more than happy to go into the office, and are perfect rly satisfied with the measures put in place, you must surely see why I’m left wondering here?

Obviously the thing I have changed the view on it the AL though. I see it’s not U for me to be asked to take that for whatever situation.

A little flexibility would go a looooong way here
A little, no wait, A LOT of flexibility has been offered already. That's the problem, you offer a bit and people want more and more to the point of turning it around to say they are unreasonable for not being 150% flexible. Where does it stop? 3veryone just working how much and whenever they feel like?

A LOT of flexibility has been offered already.

In what sense? The OP has been delivering her job perfectly well by all accounts.

Are we supposed to give her employers a gold star for letting her wfh when a) all businesses are supposed to be facilitating this anyway and b) she has a child to care for (whose paid for childcare was forcibly shut down by the government)?

Seriously?

dontdisturbmenow

Working however much I feel like?! I’ve worked soo much more than any of my childless colleagues over the last few months. And I am asking mgmt to let me work 5 days - they’re telling me to work 4 and take leave on the last day so I’m certainly not asking to work whenever and however little I feel like.

I think the answer is going to be childcare hired in like a lot of us full time working parents have always had to do during weeks and weeks of school holidays. There are at least 2m unemployed now and a whole load of students just back form university all ready and willing to come to people's houses and do childcare by the way - it might cost £10 an hour but could be worth it for a couple to share the cost of that to preserve careers longer term.

You are as flexible as you can be - why the vitriol over flexibility? If people are still doing the work, why does it matter where they do it? This rigidity in thinking is incredibly frustrating. The OP needs a bit of flex due to Covid, it might be the case that pother staff don't want to help but what's the problem with asking, imo there are a fair few people who are only too happy to help with just trying to make things work - it's short term not forever..

In the slightly longer term Xenia you have a point. However, I suspect parents will be a little hesitant in hiring randomers with no qualifications, experience or basic safety checks done.

I think you’re being unreasonable. The next 4 weeks are covered at your employer’s expense (they’re giving you leave) after that you’ll have to use a few days annual leave - that’s what it’s for. The nursery will almost certainly be open by July so you’ll be sorted again then.

So I get why you feel like this. BUT as a family you are actually perpetuating the problem for working mothers. Why on earth won't your husband shoulder some of the burden? And why should your employer have to, just because you're a female employee and he's a male? And you're making very 'traditional' choices as to who (you) should be taking care of the children.

And I do understand, I'm a mother at the same time as being the primary earner in the household. It will only change when parents make different choices. You're perpetuating the 'women must take charge of the childcare' situation whilst enabling your husband to stay out of it all. It's not fair to expect your employer to compensate for this.

Beabitnicer. Apologies to OP if I'm wrong but her DH was furloughed. I would guess the that his role can not be done from home. Where as it appears that the OP can perform her substantive role from home

Childlessness is not a protected characteristic. Therefore allowing her to work solely from home and not childless others is not discriminatory it's a reasonable adjustment in these circumstances. Might not be deemed fair by her colleagues but it's not discriminatory

Her husband will have annual leave entitlement, why can't he use it? Possibly also emergency leave/parental leave entitlement, depending on the employer. It doesn't need to be the sole responsibility of the OP unless she and her DO choose it to be

reallyagain

I completely agree with PP’s about women shouldering the childcare usually, and it’s not okay.
As I’ve explained though, this isn’t about me expecting my employer to accommodate my because I’m a woman, and therefore my DPs don’t because he’s a man. It would be exactly the same if I worked for a shitty little business and he was a civil servant, or if I was in a same sex relationship. This is not a gender issue in this specific situation. This is about his employer being completely shit and I flexible - he is a supervisor in the motor industry - it can NOT be done from home. He does have AL entitlement, but in the same way my employer will reject my requests for AL (and tell me when to take it - legally) his employer is not understanding of AL in the first few weeks when they’ve been off for 2 months.

However, as I’ve said, I realise now I will have to take my own annual leave, and DPs employer is going to have to show some understanding and is going to have to grant some AL at some point during this pandemic.

Also he is certainly not entitled to paid emergency or parental leave. He doesn’t even get sick pay.

These are the reasons I feel it’s more leaning towards my responsibility. I work for a typically flexible employer, he does not. There’s not always a choice in these things. But as I say his employer will have to realise that this is a difficult time for everyone. And has people have quite rightly pointed out, 1 day is not U given the circs.

I really would encourage you for your DP to push this, in my experience fathers are reluctant to do so, and so the 'can't' myth becomes a self-validated truth, with women (and their employers) having to