To be hurt by this comment from DH?

[NamechangeforAIBU]

I might just be overly sensitive and hormonal about this, as I had a baby a little under 2 weeks ago, so am prepared to be told that IABU.

DH asked me how long it generally takes after giving birth for your stomach to return to normal. I can't help but feel like he's grossed out by me now. He insists he isn't, but why else would he have even asked? He says he was just wondering. He also mentioned I look still like I'm in early pregnancy.

I accept that I'm still a bit flabbier than I was. My stomach has a definite wobble to it. I'd probably put myself as looking approx 10-12 weeks pregnant (this one showed much sooner).

I'm also about 10kgs away from pre baby weight. Pre DC1 I was reasonably fit although not very toned in the abs. I didn't really take up the exercise I was doing pre DC1 between DC1 and 2 due to a combination of PND, busy schedule for work and being with baby in the evening and weekends. So any strength/tone that I would have had pre DC1 would have been well and truly gone.

I'm hoping that the belly isn't here to stay. But, I'm still feeling really hurt. He didn't mean to be hurtful (he told me when I told him that he had).

AIBU to feel this way?

Also, how long did it take you to lose the belly?

TY

Blimey, I google everything!

Yes, very insensitive but it was probably an innocent question. Some blokes can be a bit thick.

I genuinely didn’t have time to google for the first few weeks of a new baby 😂 let alone something I was mildly curious about. I remember starting the day promising myself I’d buy some items on amazon and not even managing to get that done.

It doesn’t matter anyway, he said he hadn’t intended to be hurtful, OP communicated she had found it hurtful, there’s nothing to indicate he’s not a nice person or loving husband. They can move on and probably laugh about this in a few months time.

Insensitive maybe, but how else was he supposed to find out?
a) by looking at photos of what happened last time
b) by Googling it
Why ask OP? Why would she know more about this topic than him? It's her second baby too. Just because she has a woman's body doesn't mean she knows what happens to all other women's bodies.

Seriously, men don't stand a chance here.

Who knows how he asked, apart from the OP? As I suggested earlier, those grew words on a screen can be asked in so many different tones of voice, with added facial expression and body language. From the casually curious to the loaded. And since OP thinks she might be being over sensitive, I'm assuming he didn't bring it at her or prod her belly with disgust.

Whenever I start to be pissed off with something someone says in a text to me, I try rereading in different tones and voices. I think some people here could do with trying that on mumsnet. Certainly it seems that anything a man says has to be interpreted in the most negative way possible

Grew= few

*He knows exactly what he is doing.

He is NOT a good person, OP. Not at all.*

What a stupid comment. Do you hate ALL men?

My DH and I were just talking about this the other day (11years since the last time I have birth to my second) and we both agreed that the biggest shock after the baby comes out was that your tummy doesn’t just deflate down like a balloon would all of a sudden😀.
Yes, if you are hormonal the question might have sounded insensitive, but please don’t listen to all this man hating replies you’ve been getting.

I'd be telling him to fuck off in no uncertain terms. I'm horrified he would even ask.
My belly looked like a massive wobbly jelly for three months and then by 6 months I was back to my normal washboard flat tummy.
Does he think you are made of strong elastic? Human tissues don't recover that quick.
Especially after two pregnancies.
The menopause on the other hand wreaks much more damage, I suggest any comments about your belly in your 50's if you together for that long will result in murder and being buried under the patio!!!!

saraclara, OP heard how he said it! And was upset...

Billben I genuinely think some people on MN actively enjoy stirring the pot a bit, provoking marital discord in other people’s relationships. They’d love for OP to get all worked up and even angrier and go back to her DH and have a fight about it. A lot of people are very bored atm!

Why ask OP? Why would she know more about this topic than him

Let me guess🤔 Generally women are more involved in their pregnancy than men because it is happening to THEIR body. They have female friends who might have given birth before so they discuss things with them. They go on Mumsnet and ask questions from other females or read pregnancy threads. Etc, etc. How many men do you see doing any of these things? It’s the same with periods.

So many women on here saying that they were surprised their bodies didn't spring back into shape but yes, of course OP is probably an expert.

I don't think his asking the question alone makes him "stupid" or an "arsehole", he probably wouldn't have thought twice about it, especially if you are not normally a sensitive person.

I didn't realise until I had a baby that your muscles don't ping back etc into place once you've given birth. Sounds silly, but because I hadn't put much weight on I thought I'd be back in shape almost immediately. It took me a year although I lost the most in the first 4 months as I was breastfeeding.

Unless he's a douche in other respects, cut the guy some slack. You don't want him walking on eggshells around you.

I agree with saraclara, he hasn't said that it's his priority or given that impression (from the OP). Some posters are just projecting, as per usual.

If I didn't know, I'd be curious. Men will not know about this and can't compare it. Only OP knows if he was truly being insensitive or not, and she can address that with him.

This 'grown a whole other person' schtick though, makes me . What's diminutive about 'given birth' or 'had a baby'? Are we going to expand to 'grown a miniature full-size adult' to really make.the.point?

I’m too lazy to go back and read all the replies but has anybody suggested Leaving the Bastard yet 😂 ‘cos you can see that coming as usual.

A lot of people are very bored atm!

You see this man hatred all the time. Pathetic people with their sad lives.

LTB is a bit old hat these days, is't it?

Billben What the ultimate height of pathetic existence is coming on a forum and commenting sanctimoniously about supposed male bashing! The door is right over there let yourself out

I had number three giver years ago and it’s still not returned. That’s what happens and it’s not just a weight loss thing.

I’m not sure if he was making a throwaway comment or being arse. Depends on the overall tone I guess

When my husband asked this I laughed and said "did you not know either?!" because I had to call my mom to ask why the hell I still looked pregnant a week later! I thought it would just deflate again!

But that's my husband, and he is and always has been totally lovely, and never malicious with his words. I never considered this was an insult, just curiosity out of being a man who had never experienced or talked about this kind of thing.

I don't know your husband, but I think the fact you are asking this says it all. You know if he is mean and cruel, and if he veils this with 'just asking a question!' - do you believe him? are you being a bit oversensitive at this vulnerable time, or he is trying to wind you up? Only you know this.

Also - you ask yourself "Also, how long did it take you to lose the belly?" so it's clearly a valid question...

16 years and still going in my case.

I'd be sensitive about a wobbly tummy and I understand where the OP is coming from, I think many of us do. I know that I'd take comments about it badly - even if they weren't intended that way and despite being told that it wasn't meant to be hurtful, it would stay - and it would sting.

A bit like threads where an OP has 99% of helpful and kind posts - and can't help but focus on the 1% who are unkind.

OP, you're not at all unreasonable to feel the way you do but will that help you? Perhaps explain to your husband (if you haven't) how your physical appearance post-babies is playing on your mind. That way, he would be able to reassure you and check his comments before making them.

I remember child 1 poking me in the stomach when I'd had child 2, saying that there must be another one in there. Being astonished when I said there wasn't. Somehow it doesn't hurt when it's a child but when an adult says it, it's different. It just is.

Let’s face it, this is your second child so it’s not as if he is oblivious to what happens after birth. He was being nasty. Pull him up on it and tell him to educate himself by reading about how to support his partner post birth.

He's either very stupid or very unkind.

He was only showing an interest, making conversation. To be honest it is usually women who go on about their flabby bellies after giving birth and their men feel they have to say something even if they have nothing to say! If he says it again, tell him it's not your stomach, it's your abdomen. The least he can do is get the anatomical terms correct.

Of course it will go, you only had a baby two weeks ago. Mine took six months to go completely back to its pre-baby shape and size.

Don't worry about it, he meant nothing. Just enjoy being a new mum.

Unless your DH has been really involved in your pregnancy (and actually i think he should have but I am aware that many arent), he will have the sme reaction than me after birth

Does it really take that log for your stomack to go flat?

I remember clearly reading that you would need ypur pg clothes for a while after the birth and wondered why. I also remember being surprised at how long it took me to be able to wear my normal clothes again.
It's probably not helped by photos of celebs going out 2 or 3 weeks post birth in skinny jeans and a flat stomach.

So yes after 2 dcs, it sounds absolutely obvious that you are totally normal and going through a normal post pregnancy state. But I suspect he genuinely hasnt realised.

Of course, if it was said with a disgusted tone, some sort of reporach etc... then it's another things altogether.

Some women spring back after birth, some don't. Some manage it after their first and not with the second or subsequent births. Some do.

How do you know he was being nasty? OP hasn't said so. This is where the 'man bashing' accusers gain traction.

I expect OP feels heaps better to be told that she's married to somebody who would be 'nasty' to her about her post-baby tummy. I know I'd feel shit about it.