To be hurt by this comment from DH?

[NamechangeforAIBU]

I might just be overly sensitive and hormonal about this, as I had a baby a little under 2 weeks ago, so am prepared to be told that IABU.

DH asked me how long it generally takes after giving birth for your stomach to return to normal. I can't help but feel like he's grossed out by me now. He insists he isn't, but why else would he have even asked? He says he was just wondering. He also mentioned I look still like I'm in early pregnancy.

I accept that I'm still a bit flabbier than I was. My stomach has a definite wobble to it. I'd probably put myself as looking approx 10-12 weeks pregnant (this one showed much sooner).

I'm also about 10kgs away from pre baby weight. Pre DC1 I was reasonably fit although not very toned in the abs. I didn't really take up the exercise I was doing pre DC1 between DC1 and 2 due to a combination of PND, busy schedule for work and being with baby in the evening and weekends. So any strength/tone that I would have had pre DC1 would have been well and truly gone.

I'm hoping that the belly isn't here to stay. But, I'm still feeling really hurt. He didn't mean to be hurtful (he told me when I told him that he had).

AIBU to feel this way?

Also, how long did it take you to lose the belly?

TY

When I had my first dh came upstairs to find me crying two weeks pp because I Couldn’t get into my normal jeans. He put his arm around me and told me it didn’t matter, I’d had a baby in there and he loved us both. That’s the reaction you deserved.

YANBU to feel upset. Whether he was being deliberately unkind or just insensitive depends on his character. Is he normally a tactless person?

If it was after a first baby then I could see it as an innocent but insensitive comment. After 2 babies he's just being insensitive at best and mean at worst.

This was my first thought.

Wow OP, you just created a whole person and this is your husband's priority? And after you've already experienced PND? What a W⚓

I remembered being a new mum and how fragile you can feel, I'm sorry he's not being the partner he should be.

An innocent question after your first baby, a faux innocent question after your second.
Is he aware that it is normal to apologise even when you accidentally hurt feelings?

He is an insensitive, stupid and thoughtless idiot for even thinking that was an appropriate question to ask.

I’d be seriously pissed off.

Is he generally an insensitive, stupid and thoughtless person?

I've not been able to get within a stone of normal BMI since having DD2, who is now 11 years old.

I also just noted this isn’t your first baby together, in that case he should know better. I hope he’s an example of male perfection himself- what a d**k!

Re your second question, I'm slim and my youngest is 20 (years not months ) but the skin on my stomach has never magically re-elasticated itself. If you get the chance, it is worth going on a course to get your stomach muscles a bit more in shape again, even if you don't have a massive abdominal separation. Here in Germany they have specific courses for that, and pelvic floor. The aim being to make you feel more physically able, not to fit into skinny jeans!

YANBU. At the very least it was thoughtless.

OP is this a one off? Is he generally OK with you and not insensitive? I'd be inclined to class this as an innocent, inquisitive question.

When I had my son and asked my husband to bring me some clothes to go home in he turned up at the hospital with my pre-pregnancy jeans & a top! Ha ha - he just didn't realise that the bump didn't magically go ovenight (and I was a bit surprisd at how long it stayed too!).

He's an insensitive arse.

DC1 - without dieting it took a year for me to lose the baby weight

DC2 - I dieted and lost the weight after 7 months then got pregnant again

DC3 - I didn't diet but running around after 3 kids and no car it took about about 6 months (BF so ate loads )

Give him a hard stare and tell him not to be so rude!

PS I lost about 14 stone of useless unsightly flab a few years ago when I divorced exh

It was a silly question but I doubt he meant to hurt your feelings.

My MIL made a total arse of herself when she commented on the Duchess of Cambridge leaving hospital after having George, ‘Hm, she’s still got a bit of a tummy on her.’

Obviously she was a perfect specimen of a human after having 4 children herself.

Congratulations on your baby. Forget the comment.

Does he often make comments about your appearance or was this a one off?

I’d be pretty cheesed off and say so.
If he’s remorseful I’d then let go.

I gained 4 stones in pregnancy, and didn’t even think about diet and exercise until 12 weeks pp (had EMCS, and had to establish milk supply anyway).
It took me about a year to get back to old weight (mostly 16:8, no crazy calorie restriction), and I don’t think my stomach will ever be top notch, I’ll aim for a strong core and ‘good enough’ aesthetics.

Take it easy and enjoy the baby, OP! Stomach can wait, you can do a bit of core exercising if you need to regain core strength, but there’s plenty of time for it, and it’s for you, not anyone else.

I think he was just asking a genuine question, don’t think he was being nasty.

But tell him.......”it takes 10 years” 🤣🤣🤣

Could be a chance to get him to look after both your children - if feeding etc allows.

'It will take some time, but as we are both concerned about my well-being it'll be great if each day you take responsibility for the little ones - while I spend an hour getting out of the house and taking some enjoyable, gentle exercise. Thanks so much for raising the question.

Well I’m almost 2 years on and can safely say my stomach will never look like it used to! I lost the weight fairly quickly and am back in size 8 clothes but I am a small person who grew a fairly big baby so my stomach has taken a battering!
The skin is looser and my belly button is odd looking - but that’s not going to change now and my husband wouldn’t even dare to mention it
YANBU OP. At best it was a very insensitive question.

If he really was asking a ‘genuine question’ then he could have just googled it. He’s an idiot whether he meant to be hurtful or not.

Maybe ask him when he’s going to be fit and young and full of stamina again? Or something equally genuine...

Just three words.

What a dick.

24% think YABU - really ?

10-12 weeks? I looked 6 months 2 weeks post partum.He shouldnt have said anything.

Your DH is a bit of a prick isn't he?

Sorry OP, but you know this isn't something you ask a woman who has just had a baby.

Wonder if he'll be moaning about the lack of sex next, selfish man!

Also, how long did it take you to lose the belly
That depends on a few things, in my experience (had 3 babies myself)
1)have your abs joined up again
2) how strong were your abs before your pregnancy
3) how much excess weight you gain on your abdomen in addition to your pregnancy 'bump'.
4)how much work you do on your abs.
Personally I had to work on my weight and fitness to lose my belly, a few months after my first and second, still working on it twenty 20 years after my third, but I've been overweight/obese for most of that time, can't blame it on being pregnant.

FIRSTLY CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby and hope baby is healthy and well..my baby is now 26yrs old and i still have the belly!! Sorry your DH is soo insensitive..bothers me that he would think this let alone say this to you..hope you have good loving support around you xx