Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to replace the carpet he has destroyed

258 replies

Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 00:12

I say carpet, it's a large rug but covers most of the living room. I paid £200 for it as a treat to myself two years ago on my birthday as I spotted it and fell in love. It's a bit of a boring thing to buy on your birthday but hey.

I asked DH to give it a deep clean the other day and he reluctantly did. (Whole other thread). I went to bed only to get up and find him asleep on it the next morning having fallen asleep whilst playing the xbox.

He didn't air the carpet properly or open windows, instead he laid straight down on a wet carpet it to play his stupid game before falling asleep on it.

I've been smelling a "wet dog" odour all day and have discovered that it's the carpet which has developed mould/mildew due to not being aired properly and being smothered by him when wet.

He's not happy to be told he's now responsible for replacing it and thinks it was a good gesture of him to clean it in the first place...

Who's unreasonable?

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 21/05/2020 11:26

If you send his x box off first OP, just to give him incentive............. (just saying.........................)

Ninkanink · 21/05/2020 11:28

No further conversations needed. He can go and take up rug space somewhere else.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 11:40

He's going to get white vinegar and bicarbonate of soda, he will be treating it and then leaving it raised off the ground to dry in the next room.

If that doesn't work then I'll have to get rid of it and he'll be replacing it, so he says. We will see.

Carpet aside this has shown me that I have such little patience left with him after everything he has done, if all it takes for me to want shot of him is something as seemingly small as this, then it's time to go our separate ways.

It has been a long time coming and I kept him around only because I thought it was best for the children, and for my own sake because DS is severely autistic and I'm not ashamed to admit it can be extremely challenging and hard to handle. Having him here has provided me a degree of rest bite, even if that means just going out to the shops on my own or being able to keep on top of other things that would be more difficult to do if somebody else wasn't in the home.

I had no faith that he would be an involved parent if he was no longer under the same roof, which remains to be seen.

OP posts:
binkyblinky · 21/05/2020 11:53

Why couldn't you have cleaned it?

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 21/05/2020 11:55

Why couldn't you have cleaned it?

RTFT @binkyblinky - she has a serious medical condition that makes this very difficult, and this really isn’t about the rug anymore.

EL8888 · 21/05/2020 11:59

@binkyblinky maybe she’s not a slave and everyone needs to contribute to a household. Just a thought!

Prettybubblesintheair · 21/05/2020 12:00

I think you’re getting a hard time on here Op, you’re not nuts or high maintenance and this really isn’t about the rug. It’s about his blatant display of him not giving a shit about you or anything you care about. He’s an gaming addict. I’m sorry about your rug, I hope you get it sorted. If not it’ll come in handy to dispose of a body! Seriously though, he’s a dick. You will be happier without him in sat in your home like a zombie. My dh games, but not like this, he very rarely plays longer than a couple of hours and only if there’s nothing else that needs doing or if I’m busy or watching something on tv. He’s squeezed a desk with his computer on into our tiny living room and uses headphones so that we’re in the same room and I can still watch tv, if I talk he’ll pause the game to listen. The way your dh games isn’t normal.

binkyblinky · 21/05/2020 12:05

Sorry op hadn't seen about the medical condition. You might be able to get a professional carpet cleaning person in to sort it, in the meantime get it in the sun

sweeneytoddsrazor · 21/05/2020 12:17

Haven't read through it all, but you can still hire rug doctor. Locally to us Johnson dry cleaners and Asda both hire them out.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 12:25

I usually do rent a rug doctor from our local Tesco but they don't have them at the moment and haven't for weeks.

I did contact a lady who runs a business cleaning carpets/rugs/upholstery but she wasn't taking bookings for the foreseeable due to the pandemic, I can't say I blame her.

Him doing it was a last resort if I wanted it doing anytime soon which I did. I couldn't foresee any way he could mess it up.

It has come into contact with water plenty of times with rug doctor machines, but he absolutely saturated it.

OP posts:
wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 21/05/2020 12:29

Sympathies OP. I get that the rug is a symbol of his disrespect for you and your family.

This article is very helpful to explain the seemingly trivial incidents that end a marriage www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

Good luck, Flowers

FlamingoAndJohn · 21/05/2020 12:36

Totally disagree. Gaming is very addictive like porn and men often use it as a way to completely opt out of family life which is what is happening here. The addiction comes before the family

No. Shit men are shit.
Gaming is not at fault here.
Some men (and women) will become addicted to a pastime and use it as an excuse to avoid family life. See also football and cycling.
Let’s not blame this on gaming and rather blame it on the man in question.

Oh and piss of with all this faux ‘I’m so highbrow I don’t know what an Xbox is bullshit.’

Ninkanink · 21/05/2020 12:40

Yes I keep saying this on threads too, lately. Gaming is not the issue. My DH plays games to chill. He works in a very demanding professional role and in his down time he needs to switch off his brain. Gaming is one of the ways in which he does that.

He’s an extremely driven man, very hardworking, very capable, also very thoughtful, very present in our relationship, very considerate of me, does his fair share of general shit work in the household (and often more, because he’s more fastidious than I am), he’s anything but lazy and not a manchild in any way. He’s not a shit man, therefore his choice of hobby doesn’t cause him to check out of family/our life.

Mummytobe10101 · 21/05/2020 12:45

I really don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I’d also be annoyed about this.

Explain to him that this rug meant a lot to you as you got it for your birthday to treat yourself and you’re now really upset that its ruined.

Tell him that you get that he was trying to do a nice thing and you appreciate that, but he didn’t finish properly and ended up on the Xbox and ruined the lovely rug. So his nice gesture unfortunately was tainted and ruined because he became lazy and wanted to selfishly get back to his games rather than ensure he completed the job and finish something that would make you happy.

He needs to buy you another one or reimburse you for it in my opinion (if it can’t be fixed!)

Xx

Ninkanink · 21/05/2020 12:47

Oh and he’s also extremely intelligent, with a strong intellectual bent to balance out his very down-to-earth and get-things-done side. He’s one of the most ‘high brow’ people I know, and I know a lot of very intellectual people. Just to bust a bit of lazy stereotyping and wannabe smugness.

Glitteryone · 21/05/2020 12:49

Why did you not clean it?

You sound like a nag.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 12:54

The glass analogy posted above hits the nail on the head and ill forward it to him if he questions why I've lost my shit over a rug.

Had it been the first ever incident of its kind with no prior (and continuous) disrespect I would simply brush it off and be like, ok that was an accident. No harm done. We'll fix or replace it.

Whereas it's just another one of many examples of him being shit and prioritising gaming.

He plays football too by the way, so that's two hobbies he has and I never begrudged until this became problematic. I don't have the time for hobbies, least of all ones that render me a zombie or take me out of the house for half a day.

As soon as lockdown ends and football begins again he'll be even less involved in family life and I'm not hanging around to get pissed off about it.

He wants to do what he likes with little to no considering for the other three people in the home. He's selfish.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 12:55

@Glitteryone my organs are falling out of my vagina dear. You must have missed the memo.

OP posts:
EmbarrassedUser · 21/05/2020 12:55

Technically YANBU but wouldn’t it just be coming from family money anyway?

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 12:56

It is being the opposite to a nag that has allowed me to be in this situation. He has got away with doing fuck all for too long. Not anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 12:57

@EmbarrassedUser we have a family pot and then our own individual spending money. I bought the rug myself for my birthday. If it needs to be replaced it'll be coming out of his individual spending money.

OP posts:
Megatron · 21/05/2020 12:57

@Glitteryone Couldn't you just read the thread? Was it really too much trouble before commenting?

It's so tiresome when people do that.

Frangipaniflower · 21/05/2020 13:45

I feel for the OP as there are quite a lot of semi unkind responses and she keeps trying to justify herself. Maybe just put the rug in the sun to dry and deal with it another time. Meanwhile try to simplify your life for the time being and go for a walk on your own and have a think. He can watch the children.

Candyfloss99 · 21/05/2020 13:49

Wow the rug is the least of your problems but I understand it's the last straw. He's addicted to gaming he needs to go. You'll be so relieved to get rid of him. Flowers

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 14:08

Yep the rug is the least of my problems, it just happened to be the last straw.

He went to get the cleaning products from a shop 10 minutes down the road, two hours ago.

Hopefully he doesn't come back Smile

OP posts: