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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to replace the carpet he has destroyed

258 replies

Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 00:12

I say carpet, it's a large rug but covers most of the living room. I paid £200 for it as a treat to myself two years ago on my birthday as I spotted it and fell in love. It's a bit of a boring thing to buy on your birthday but hey.

I asked DH to give it a deep clean the other day and he reluctantly did. (Whole other thread). I went to bed only to get up and find him asleep on it the next morning having fallen asleep whilst playing the xbox.

He didn't air the carpet properly or open windows, instead he laid straight down on a wet carpet it to play his stupid game before falling asleep on it.

I've been smelling a "wet dog" odour all day and have discovered that it's the carpet which has developed mould/mildew due to not being aired properly and being smothered by him when wet.

He's not happy to be told he's now responsible for replacing it and thinks it was a good gesture of him to clean it in the first place...

Who's unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 10:33

I've just had a proper look underneath it and there are what look like spores. He washed it on Monday night so that's ample time for mould to set in isn't it?

It seems to have made little difference that I've moved it to another room and left the windows open to speed up the process of being bone dry.

We don't have an outdoor space we are in an apartment in the city centre.

He's absolutely accountable for this, it hasn't happened when I've done it many times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 10:35

I stayed with him for what I thought was best for the children. I was wrong.

The distain that comes across here in my posts is nothing compared to the distain he has shown toward us.

He just needs to leave, it's beyond repair.

OP posts:
Candodad · 21/05/2020 10:36

This thread is cobblers. You can’t fall asleep playing video games, your brain is constantly stimulated. Also you would sit on a wet rug no matter how dumb you are.

MysticMeghan · 21/05/2020 10:38

I think this ought to be moved to the relationships section?

I think your carpet is salvageable. I'm not sure about your relationship though.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 10:39

@Candodad He can and he does. If I was going to lie I would choose a much better topic than this shit show.

I'm going to stop posting now I'm just winding myself up all over again.

Thank you for the advice. The marriage has ran it's course and I want out now.

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 21/05/2020 10:39

He cheated on you multiple times? You only stayed with him to get help with the kids, and he's not helping at all? I think the marriage is over. You'll probably find it less stressful, and maybe even much less work, if he's not around.

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 21/05/2020 10:41

The whole thing is a bit weird. The carpet is not the issue. He is. You are. Your relationship.

Ninkanink · 21/05/2020 10:43

Of course you can fall asleep whilst gaming, or more likely get tired in the early hours of the morning, put down your controllers and think ah fuck it, I’ll just sleep here. If you’re going to assert that a thread is ‘cobblers’ at least make your premise a valid one.

Marlouse · 21/05/2020 10:45

I also read your other thread and I totally understand where you’re coming from. He really does sound like a lazy bastard who only cares about the gaming. Couldn’t be arsed to do one job and when he finally did he managed to ruin it. You’re a better woman than I am. I would have kicked off big time, I’m afraid.

It really does sound Iike the marriage is over. I wish you all the best.

Ninkanink · 21/05/2020 10:46

Ok. Throw out the rug. And use it as a metaphor for your marriage. You don’t need it anymore, there are bigger and better things out there for you.

Do not put up with this any longer.

Once he has gone or you have found yourself another place, get yourself a brand new beautiful rug.

callmeadoctor · 21/05/2020 10:53

TBH clearly this is not about the rug. I would unplug his x box and post it to his parents, or a friend or someone he could move into. That would end it for you and he richly deserves it. (That would be a kind thing to do, in your shoes I think I would put it in the garden and set it on fire!!!!)

callmeadoctor · 21/05/2020 10:55

In fact, OP come back on here and tell us that you have boxed up the x box and sent it somewhere!!!

LimpidPools · 21/05/2020 10:56

Clearly get rid of the useless husband. Poor you.

Maybe post a picture of the underside of the rug, so we can see better what's to be done. Personally, I would spray the underside with white vinegar and leave it underside up to dry in the sun. This will kill any mould, remove any odours and hopefully bleach out any stains. If the mildew/ damp is dead it won't produce spores and so won't be a danger to anyone at all.

Butterymuffin · 21/05/2020 11:02

It's clearly not about the rug. But with the spores, maybe those could have developed anyway from it being in a room with a damp problem? I've left wet washing for days Blush and it hasn't gone mouldy, just gets the musty smell as pp said and then it needs a rewash and a proper drying. Get him to do that and then plan your / his exit.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 11:07

I don't have any outdoor space to leave it in sunlight, we're in an apartment in central London.

That's why when I clean it myself I make sure it never gets saturated, because it has to dry indoors which is never an issue when done properly.

I'll try white vinegar and baking soda and hope for the best but I'm preparing go just throw it out.

He's moping about and is probably just as sick of me as I am him. I'll be much happier and less stressed if he were to go.

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 21/05/2020 11:10

So get him to go. Do you rent or own?

LIZS · 21/05/2020 11:13

is it too large to hang in front of a window/balcony? Do you have any communal outdoor space where you can take it to dry while the dc to play out.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 11:13

I rent. The place is in my name, a change I made after he cheated.

I'll not loss the home if I kick him out. I can afford it on my own. The second income will be missed but it's not the end of the world.

He's probably as miserable as I am, in his mind I've dwelled on something as trivial as a carpet when the reality is it's a cumulative effect from years of disrespect and ill treatment from him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 11:15

It's far too big to go on the balcony yes. The balcony is tiny and the rug is huge.

No communal area that I can use to hang it In sunlight either. The building leads out onto the road and doesn't have a garden area.

OP posts:
YgritteSnow · 21/05/2020 11:16

It will not be mouldy in one day. It's damp as it's drying that you're smelling. I have a dehumidifier that I always switch on when I clean the carpets and the smell goes very quickly. You sound just sick to the back teeth of his half arsed ways tbh and I don't think it's really about the rug.

Ninkanink · 21/05/2020 11:17

Glad to hear it. Then you can shift him out right now. Send him off to mum and dad or whoever, with his x box.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 11:19

He's getting ready to go to the shop to buy white vinegar and baking soda, he is in a foul mood being inpatient with the kids.

I don't know how he has the audacity.

Yes I'll be asking him to leave.

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 21/05/2020 11:20

Don’t ask. Tell.

endofthelinefinally · 21/05/2020 11:21

You can get a dehumidifier for less than £100. They are excellent for drying washing in small flats and particularly good if you have a damp problem. If you could raise the rug even just a little way off the floor, it would dry out.

EL8888 · 21/05/2020 11:26

People are getting way too bogged down by the detail. He needs to try to sort the carpet out and if it isn’t salvageable then he pays. He sounds like a lazy sod and further conversations are needed about how he’s going to sort that