To expect DH to replace the carpet he has destroyed

[Roostersmum2]

I say carpet, it's a large rug but covers most of the living room. I paid £200 for it as a treat to myself two years ago on my birthday as I spotted it and fell in love. It's a bit of a boring thing to buy on your birthday but hey.

I asked DH to give it a deep clean the other day and he reluctantly did. (Whole other thread). I went to bed only to get up and find him asleep on it the next morning having fallen asleep whilst playing the xbox.

He didn't air the carpet properly or open windows, instead he laid straight down on a wet carpet it to play his stupid game before falling asleep on it.

I've been smelling a "wet dog" odour all day and have discovered that it's the carpet which has developed mould/mildew due to not being aired properly and being smothered by him when wet.

He's not happy to be told he's now responsible for replacing it and thinks it was a good gesture of him to clean it in the first place...

Who's unreasonable?

A crisped up carpet

If that's so precious to you, why ask dh to clean it? You should have done it yourself. Wash again, dry under the sun, and lots of fabreze?

Having read your previous thread, get rid of the husband and give your rug another wash. White vinegar helps with the damp smell. Wash it again and then spray with a white vinegar/water solution and let it dry in the sun. This will help remove the damp smell and kills any germs. It won’t smell of vinegar after it dries.

You don’t sound like hard work at all, you just sound well and truly fed up. I understand how you’re feeling and think you need to do something to change it. It’s time for a proper talk with your dh and if nothing changes, you should make plans to leave him. You do not sound happy at all.

Make sure it is fully dry and then reclean it when you can get the proper equipment to inject and vacuum out the dirty liquid then dry it in the sun, I wouldn't write it off as a loss just yet.

The ‘wet dog’ smell is wet wool. You wet a carpet containing wool and it will always smell like that. It just needs to be hung outside to dry properly which may take a couple of days.

I used to be you. He's now my xh and he can game as much as he wants.

It really hasn't developed mould - there just hasn't been time - it just smells of wet carpet.

We lived in a place with a bit of a damp problem, and I was right and looked under the bed one day to find a whole forrest of variously coloured moulds had eaten the wool carpet away entirely - now that was mould, and had to be taken up and replaced.

Thanks for the replies, I'll answer a few questions asked. Hopefully I haven't missed any.

The rug needed to be cleaned because the white on it was going grey, not helped by the fact he walks over it wearing shoes every day despite me asking him nicely not to

Usually I give it a refresh every 6-8 weeks with a rug doctor, in the two years of me doing that it has never turned out like this.

I couldn't get hold of a rug doctor from the usual place.

I couldn't get on my hands and knees and clean it myself because I have pelvic organ prolapse (a cystocele and uterine descent which makes it feel like my organs are dropping out!) It's very uncomfortable for me to get down on my hands and knees.

I do all of the other housework. It was one request. It took until 10 at night for it to be done because he had been putting it off for days.

The most he is usually asked for is to change the kitchen bin. He has it very easy here.

He doesn't need to work nights, he chose to. Despite working nights, he's perfectly capable of going to bed at a normal time on his nights off. This has been evidenced when the broadband was playing up.

We took the children for a picnic the day after my last post, one of them is autistic and that was the first day ever that he has enjoyed a family day out without having a meltdown or running off. He was so happy and calm and It was an incredible achievement, i was thrilled. DH took a call from his gaming friend and sat on the phone for over 20 minutes talking about pissing monsters and an upcoming 'attack', putting a dampener (no pun intended) on what was supposed to be a nice day with the children.

He takes long phone calls about the game at the dinner table.

When he's on the console he is unreachable. A zombie. You can't speak to him at all. I'm also unable to talk in my own home, unless I want to share the conversation with his friends on the xbox "party"

I can't watch television in my own home on a night time because he has taken over the tv.

This all might make me sound a bit pathetic but there is alot of history and these things are the straws that have broken the camel's back so to speak. Here is the drip feed, sorry.

He has cheated on me twice that I know about. He's a pathological liar. He's lazy and has no respect for anybody. I stayed in the relationship "for the children" that old cliche, believing I would be doing myself and them a favour by having him here to help the household. DS has very high care needs and I did not want to be left to shoulder all of the responsibility.

Then he ramped up his gaming addiction and he is now absolutely useless, which I am seeing clearly now and I resent.

I want him out so perhaps I am biting over small non events but it's often the little things that spark the end in alot of relationships. I've had enough.

OP you’re absolutely in the wrong here. I’m actually laughing at you. The wet dog smell is normal for a wet rug if it’s animal based (eg sheepskin). It smells like a wet dog because it’s the same premise ie wet fur

Well that's BS because it has never happened before. Ever.

OP you’re absolutely in the wrong here. I’m actually laughing at you. The wet dog smell is normal for a wet rug if it’s animal based (eg sheepskin). It smells like a wet dog because it’s the same premise ie wet fur

Well that's BS because it has never happened before. Ever.

Beyond the rug drama (easily fixed), does your DH have to work nights? Was he like this before he did?
I really feel night work is detrimental to a lot of peoples MH and can understand how it can leave them feeling unable to fit into family life. Lower life expectancy, higher chance of suicide..
I wouldn't like my DH to have to live like that if avoidable.

I copy and pasted twice, ignore the last part. Was rushing about trying to type and cook.

I have said it before, the divorce lawyers are going to be very busy once lockdown eases.

Night work isn't necessary no, he just prefers to do it because it's slightly more money and he's gotten used to it.

OP, your husband is an addict and it sounds very much like your marriage is over. I’m sorry.

It sounds like you don't like this man at all, and there is a huge backstory, so you should leave.

The carpet it neither here nor there, I can't imagine it becoming such a big deal in any healthy relationship.

The marriage is over and has been for a long time, it is only now I am seeing it.

I've been suppressing these feelings for at least a year, I didn't expect the gaming and a rug to be the catalyst for the end.

I can appreciate why people think I sound a bit nuts. I've cringed this morning reading back my post.

I'm a perfectly sane person honestly

Just very ground down and sick of sharing my home with a waste of space.

I don't think a carpet would develop mould in a day or two. Try cleaning it again and airing it. Or you could try sprinkling some bicarbonate of soda first snd brudhing out. Do this on a dry carpet..That's meant to absorb smells.

At least you know now. In a couple of years time you can post it on one of those What was the final straw threads.

Onwards and Upwards, Divorce-wards

I'm a perfectly sane person honestly

None of us are particularly sane right now anyway .

It makes total sense, a whole mess of suppressed feelings can often get channelled into a particular item or incident. Hope the thread is helpful to you in clarifying things.

Didn't see your last message. It sounds as if you are very incompatible. He is totally out of order with the x box. But you seem very over invested in cleaning.

I'm really not over invested in cleaning, I just don't want an expensive rug to go grey and look shit. I don't think that is too unreasonable given that I do everything else in the home.

I'm glad some can see my point of view but I accept not everybody will

I've been suppressing these feelings for at least a year, I didn't expect the gaming and a rug to be the catalyst for the end.

It must be really hard Roostersmum. They are not small things. Everyone is entitled to some 'down' time but if the gaming interferes with his ability to support you around the house and the children (which it clearly does) then that is too much.

The same with the rug. Most of us would take special care with another person's precious possession. He should have cleaned the rug in the day time when it would have a better chance of drying.

He sounds like he behaves like someone without any family responsibilities. I can see how the suggestion of washing the x box would be so tempting!

Thank you to all who read and contributed. This silly little non event has promoted me to realise that I just need out, so it's not all bad.

Deal with the real issues that are bothering you and don't make this all about a rug. If I'd ruined something in the house (and it doesn't sound like the rug is ruined to me) I would not be happy if my DH 'told' me I was responsible for replacing it.

Do you hire a rug doctor every 6-8 weeks usually? That seems excessive tbh, I would be surprised if a rug got that dirty in two months.

No way will it have developed indestructible mould in the space of about 9 hours or so. I would put it outside in the sunshine like a PP said, I'm sure it will be fine when you bring it back in.

I would also be putting your lazy arse of a husband outside too but doubt that I'd want him back in again.

There seem to be so many people for whom gaming takes up a large part of their lives, not as a hobby (which is fine, obvs), but in place of being an active member of the household. It's not a hobby if it someone does it instead of contributing anything else at all.

I feel like a slattern, Ive never rug doctored my rugs and they are a lot older than two years.

Anyway op it sounded like this was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. Time to plan to get out.