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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect DH to replace the carpet he has destroyed

258 replies

Roostersmum2 · 21/05/2020 00:12

I say carpet, it's a large rug but covers most of the living room. I paid £200 for it as a treat to myself two years ago on my birthday as I spotted it and fell in love. It's a bit of a boring thing to buy on your birthday but hey.

I asked DH to give it a deep clean the other day and he reluctantly did. (Whole other thread). I went to bed only to get up and find him asleep on it the next morning having fallen asleep whilst playing the xbox.

He didn't air the carpet properly or open windows, instead he laid straight down on a wet carpet it to play his stupid game before falling asleep on it.

I've been smelling a "wet dog" odour all day and have discovered that it's the carpet which has developed mould/mildew due to not being aired properly and being smothered by him when wet.

He's not happy to be told he's now responsible for replacing it and thinks it was a good gesture of him to clean it in the first place...

Who's unreasonable?

OP posts:
CoronaMoaner · 21/05/2020 07:58

The rug: I did once accidentally destroy my Ddad’s very expensive rug by saturating it with water when trying to clean it. It also developed that wet dog smell and when I left it outside to dry off it started to curl at the edges and crisp up.

Your partner: I did read the other thread and wondered at the time why you are putting up with his behaviour. It doesn’t sound like he cares about you or the children very much, which is sad.
Is there any point in issuing an ultimatum to him? Sounds like the gaming has become an addiction and you need him to seriously cut back. He needs to share the parenting and housework.
To be honest he sounds like a lost cause. Do you even still love him OP? From your messages it sounds like you’ve checked out of the relationship and are just waiting for a ‘reason’ to justify separation.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 21/05/2020 07:59

Your DH is anlazy twat, the rug is salvageable, clean again (him ) and air outside.
On a separate note how often do people actually clean their rugs??? It sounds like something you do far too frequently, of you usually do it with a rug doctor and could've been left until you or he had access to one again. I wouldn't fancy scrubbing a whole rug as big as a room on my hands and knees. I would if there was a stain/spill in etc but not as part of routine cleaning

PrimeroseHillAnnie · 21/05/2020 08:01

First off it's not destroyed. clean it again and let it dry in the sunshine and if it's your carpet and you treasure it so much try cleaning it yourself in future. Can't comment on the state of your marriage, that's down to you, but getting your arse out over carpet cleaning is sad. .

nettie434 · 21/05/2020 08:04

Obviously mould is no good, especially with children around, but can you reclean and hang it outside in the sun?

crimsonlake · 21/05/2020 08:06

If you have a problem with damp I would suggest the mould had already developed under the rug, getting it wet only exaspperated it.

heartsonacake · 21/05/2020 08:06

I get that you can’t clean it yourself due to your medical condition, but the only option wasn’t to have him clean it. You could have just put it away until such time as you could get a rug doctor.

You took a risk by asking him knowing what he’s like and you’re overreacting; it isn’t mouldy yet. Mould doesn’t grow that fast.

LakieLady · 21/05/2020 08:07

@Euclid, thanks for making me lol on a morning when I got up feeling grim and not looking forward to my day at all!

Winterwoollies · 21/05/2020 08:09

He sounds a lazy prick.

I think you should ‘wash’ his stupid Xbox and fall asleep on it.

JudyCoolibar · 21/05/2020 08:12

You sound very high maintenance!

Why do people post ridiculous comments like this? It isn't remotely high maintenance to ask your husband to drag himself away from the screen long enough to do one job and to make a reasonable attempt to do that job properly.

understandmenow · 21/05/2020 08:14

Totally disagree. Gaming is very addictive like porn and men often use it as a way to completely opt out of family life which is what is happening here. The addiction comes before the family.*

Totally disagree 1000s of men/women use porn/gaming without addiction!

Just the same as alcohol!

LakieLady · 21/05/2020 08:14

@Winterwoollies, that's brilliant!

The x-box will be filthy, it's had his mucky paws all over it, probably when he's been eating and drinking and scratching his sweaty balls.

Give it a damn good clean, or even run it through the dishwasher.

LIZS · 21/05/2020 08:16

It won't be mouldy. Give it another go and put outside to dry off in the sun. Or use a dry brush in , hoover out carpet shampoo. He may be a lazy waste of space but it sounds like you are looking to blame him for this, setting him up to fail.

Zippy1510 · 21/05/2020 08:18

As a microbiologist a carpet does not develop mould in 24 hours by getting wet and slept on. Either it was mouldy already or it just smells because it hasn’t been dried properly. In which case just clean it again and put it outside to air.

tenlittlecygnets · 21/05/2020 08:21

Look, rug or not, is there really any point staying in this relationship?

Nope just a lazy bastard who doesn't care much for anything so long as he can sit infront of the television screen.

You have no respect for him, and I'm not surprised. I'd ask him to leave. Life will be much easier without him around, the lazy twat.

MuthaFunka61 · 21/05/2020 08:25

If you're happy with the cleanliness of your rug,pop it on the line underside up and spray with white vinegar.

The vinegar will kill off any mould spores and as it drys the musty smell and the smell of the vinegar will disappear

Coulddowithanap · 21/05/2020 08:25

How often do you wash your rug?

Soontobe60 · 21/05/2020 08:31

It seems to me like he may well be struggling with the night shifts tbh. Did you know that the suicide rates in night shift workers is far higher than day shift workers? He will be up all night on his Xbox because his body clock is geared towards him being awake at that time. Just like you're awake in the day time. My DH did nights a few years back and it turned him into a monster. Couldn't sleep well in the daytime because of the kids, couldn't sleep well on his nights off because of the timings. He'd fall asleep in an instant sometimes, then others be awake for 24 hours, it made him so ill he had to change jobs.
I get that he didn't do as you asked, ie clean your rug for you, but really, did it need doing or were you just making a point?

LellyMcKelly · 21/05/2020 08:32

The rug is pretty easily fixed and you’ve had lots of good advice here. You do have a husband problem though and I can completely understand your frustration. He sounds like a complete waste of space and I’d be ditching him ASAP.

feelingfragile · 21/05/2020 08:32

Look the man sounds like a lazy arsehole but equally, you're digging your heels in and creating more of a drama than there needs to be here. It's not mould, it smells foisty because it hasn't dried properly and is in a heated room.

Your kids won't perish by crawling on a slightly dirty carpet for a little while until he is next off work. But you pushed because you wanted it doing on your terms and now it's all gone tits up.

I'm not defending him in the slightest because he sounds like a man child but you sound very overwrought, it sounds like you want an argument with him and are going to find one. If I'm wrong and it really is just about the carpet, you probably shouldn't have given him that particular job to do if you were that emotionally invested in it.

LouiseTrees · 21/05/2020 08:37

Do not make any food for him or half arse the food, like give him a potato with no filling while you eat a whole meal. Where’s the chilli he asks? Oh sorry I must’ve half fished out your dinner.

lyralalala · 21/05/2020 08:39

Two separate issues here

Get the rug outside if you can. It’s completely salvageable; it just needs to dry properly

Decide what to do with your DH. You can’t ask him to do important stuff and rely on him to do it. For me that would be a deal breaker and I’d walk.

pictish · 21/05/2020 08:40

That’s terrible advice that you wouldn’t implement yourself louise.

MissBax · 21/05/2020 08:43

Why did dh have to clean your rug? If dh bought himself something and asked me to clean it I'd be wondering why he couldn't do it himself. Then when I didn't do it to his standard he asked me to replace it I'd be thinking he's a CF.

byebyebeautiful · 21/05/2020 08:44

Get a new rug, or a new partner. Then a new hobby!

Shoxfordian · 21/05/2020 08:45

Throw the whole husband away
He sounds useless
Did you actually marry a teenager?