To expect DH to replace the carpet he has destroyed

[Roostersmum2]

I say carpet, it's a large rug but covers most of the living room. I paid £200 for it as a treat to myself two years ago on my birthday as I spotted it and fell in love. It's a bit of a boring thing to buy on your birthday but hey.

I asked DH to give it a deep clean the other day and he reluctantly did. (Whole other thread). I went to bed only to get up and find him asleep on it the next morning having fallen asleep whilst playing the xbox.

He didn't air the carpet properly or open windows, instead he laid straight down on a wet carpet it to play his stupid game before falling asleep on it.

I've been smelling a "wet dog" odour all day and have discovered that it's the carpet which has developed mould/mildew due to not being aired properly and being smothered by him when wet.

He's not happy to be told he's now responsible for replacing it and thinks it was a good gesture of him to clean it in the first place...

Who's unreasonable?

Why didn't you clean it yourself?

Just put it outside to try it will be fine. Wool nearly always smells like this when damp it’s not mould

He sounds like a giant toddler to me. I wouldn't expect such a man to be able to do any job unsupervised. You have an extra child congratulations.

OP you’re absolutely in the wrong here. I’m actually laughing at you.

The wet dog smell is normal for a wet rug if it’s animal based (eg sheepskin). It smells like a wet dog because it’s the same premise ie wet fur. It’s not mould/mildew. The smell will go away once it’s dry.

Also are you saying that in 2 years you’ve never cleaned it before?

Wet dog smell is danp. It needs to be dried now, either hang it up in the sun or try drying it with a hair dryer (not the high setting if it has wool in it).

"VanGoghsDog

Are you sure it's not him you can smell?"

I t will just be a bit musty. Damp towels Left in a washing machine smell musty but they’re not mouldy. Another wash and they’re fine.

www.fivestepcarpetcarenc.net/2019/06/12/why-does-my-wool-rug-smell/

This has nothing to,do with the rug really, you need to end your marriage.

If you want the rug replaced, just use joint money or do you not have any?

@Euclid calling someone low brow because they have a games machine, is rude and makes you sound a complete snob, unworldly and narrow minded.

Op o appreciate that there's a lot of backstory but there is seriously no way it has developed problematic mould in the time since he washed it. I say this as someone who has spent a lot of time dealing with this issue and getting professional advice after living in a mouldy rental house with asthmatic dcs.

You are looking for reasons to be angry - and maybe you are right to be angry, but this is not the right reason.

Ok first of all your rug will be fine...just give it another wash (if you must) and put it outside to air. You don’t need a replacement and honestly, making a drama out of the rug won’t help any. I know you’re angry with your OH but throwing your rug away would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Secondly Euclid - don’t be so rude about other people - your lack of intelligence, insight and comprehension is showing. I’d call that low brow too.

Reclean the carpet using zoflora in the water.

Put it outside to dry.

When it's absolutely bone dry if it still smells sprinkle with bicarbonate of soda, leave for an hour and the hoover it off. I tried bicarb when all else failed after ds was sick on my bedroom carpet. Worked a treat.

Dump the gamer.

I understand that you're frustrated by his lack of support.

But, of all the jobs you could've given him, it just feels like such a weird one.

Do people really clean their rugs routinely? I don't, I just vacuum them, like the carpet, unless something is spilled.

Insisting on a proper clean, with water, at 10pm sounds crazy. Even with windows open, it wouldn't have aired.

As many pp have said, it just needs another clean and putting outside in the sunshine.

And if I was him, I'd have set fire to it by now. You both sound very incompatible.

It can't have gone properly mouldy in that length of time. With the current sunny weather I would give it another clean, put it outside to dry and hang him out today while you're at it.

I get you’re at the stage that everything he does annoys you but you’re being unreasonable here, the carpet isn’t ruined, it’s not got mould and it will just be damp, just air it out to dry, give it another clean if you wish.

Outside, in the garden (or a balcony if you don't have a garden) over an airer, washing line or clothes horse, for at least 24 hours.

And then do the same with the rug.

It's obvious also that a "good gesture" is never a good gesture if it's a half arsed effort that actually makes more work for you.
The gaming alone would be the end of the marriage for me.
Where are all the old fashioned men who want a family and they want to care for that family and do all the heavy jobs. They all seem to be a bunch of men children these days.
I've divorced two husbands for behaving like this OP and I'm never getting married again.

@Euclid calling someone low brow because they have a games machine, is rude and makes you sound a complete snob, unworldly and narrow minded.

Totally disagree. Gaming is very addictive like porn and men often use it as a way to completely opt out of family life which is what is happening here. The addiction comes before the family.

All the people telling OP to clean it herself. Did you miss the fact that she has a medical condition that means she cannot manage this particular task, even though she is doing everything else? This is the one job she asked her husband to do. He does nothing else to contribute to housework.
OP, I really get this. I am in very poor health now and my DH is generally very helpful and supportive. There is still the occasional thing that I have to remind him to do. If he was as lazy and selfish as your husband I would be in despair.

He's a lazy shit.

You can't make or nag him into being responsible or getting off the Xbox. You can say it's the Xbox or me .. but there might be a better way.

Set ground rules:
"There's two adults two parents in this house.
One acts lazy always gaming
It's so unattractive
Do your share of housework and child care without being asked,
I'm not your mother. I want an equal partner
I'm
Not doing this anymore, you're an adult"

He leaves your job til last at 10pm because it isn't his priority and he didn't want to do it. . To change anything, he needs to decide to give you or do his fair share, a priority.

Go on strike:

don't argue , always calm as this is how it is. He doesn't need to "get it" straight away, he needs to feel the loss of privilege that he had before

Don't buy his favourite drinks or foods, eat any there / give to DCs

His stuff left out on floor including controller with dirty cups etc into black bin outside door - you're no Longer putting things away, but you are tidying house. It all goes in together & out the door.

No dinners cooked , he gets left out of all meals "you feel it's ok to do nothing, you're not part of our team"

No clothes washed, any left wet in machine, into black bin liner "your responsibility"
He'll run out.

Plonk DC down by him when he starts on Xbox or lays on sofa, "as you're not busy and I am, here's your DC to pay attention to" Leave the room.

Teach DC the jumping on daddy game. Most know it. (Try to sleep through that you bastard)

Leave the children to 'dusting the Xbox' when he's in bed. "If only you'd helped me, I was too busy fixing rug, DC must have..." "if only you got up during daytime.."

I also agree that it's definitely not mould.
Rug won't need replacing.
Your DH might though.

You can get lovely carpet cleaning sprays from home bargains, smells lovely for about £1.60 I regularly get them and the smell hits you as you walk in the door.

sounds the same smell as when you leave washing in the machine overnight. wash again and air properly and itll be fine

Thanks Punto for explaining. Nobody in my social circle has this ghastly thing. Presumably it is for children and low brow adults.

Are you lady C? Sounds like the kind of 'ghastly' rude thing she says!