Double-barrelled surname. To correct people?

[Daybydaybyday87]

Hello,
I know this is very insignificant in light of what's happening in the world at present but it has been an irritation of mine since my son was born. He has a double-barrelled surname (let's say Peter Smith-Jones, for example. Not his real name!) and some people consistently omit the Smith and write Peter Jones on envelopes of cards etc. It always irks me as it isn't his proper name!! When we sent birth announcement cards out we put his full name on there yet many relatives will still get it wrong. I'm always conscious of not hurting feelings and not causing offence but when it happens time and time again by the same individuals it gets a bit wearing. For cards and presents he receives he always writes a thank you note and puts from Peter Smith-Jones but yet again they just assume he's Peter Jones. If I'm not sure of someone's surname before writing a card, I'll always check in advance rather than write it incorrectly. A friend of mine has a daughter with a double-barrelled surname but I couldn't remember in which order the names were so I asked. Simple! Everyone deserves to be addressed by their proper name so why can't they make an effort to get his name right? I'm grateful for any cards and gifts he receives and don't want to appear ungrateful by correcting them on his surname but can't see any other way? We've tried telling them in a roundabout way! I have Aspergers myself so would worry about trying to correct someone politely and getting it wrong (as I often do) and coming across as rude. Anyone else have a similar issue with double-barrelled names?

Sorry to say this but most kids with a double barrelled surname drop one half in their teens anyway

Mine haven’t, and neither have their friends. Some use a compressed version in their e mail addresses.

"A proper old school double name?"

As if 19th century Lord Pompelberry has any more right to double barrel his name than Susan from Wigan

I think it's a bit optimistic to expect people to keep track of the fact that a child's surname is not the same as either of his parents.

Is everyone you mix with intellectually challenged?

My sons double barrelled and we have never had an issue with one name being left out. How annoying that people cannot take the time to write his whole name. The only issue we have ever had is when he started a new school and they would refer to me with both his surnames (I didn't actually mind but did correct them that only one of the names was mine).

Are you're family old fashioned and expect you to be married or to have only used his name?

My DD has both. Is known by just her dads. People from my family only use mine and people from his family only use his. Part of me finds it funny. Part of me doesn't.

I would say most people I know with double barrels are known by only one of the surnames. The other is like a little secret.

My son hasn't even seen or heard from his dad in 10 years and none of his side of the family acknowledge my son but I've always still used both names because that's his name.

I think you were silly to double barrel with both surnames; it’s unfair to saddle a child like that.

You should have just picked one because as you’ve seen, the rest of the world will. And you can’t blame them for it 🤷‍♀️ Nothing you can do you’ll just have to live with it.

The 1950s called, they want you back, @heartsonacake.

One can dream, peperethecat

Weird that you're such a stickler for "people should get his name right because that's what's on his birth certificate and is his legal, correct name"......yet you call your partner your husband when you aren't married?

But I've seen your responses to that, you don't care what people think and can call him whatever you want, doesn't matter if it is legally correct....

Yanbu, however my children have my surname double barrelled with their dads, no one has ever got it wrong. It sounds like relatives are being old fashioned and intentionally getting it wrong.

I remember grandparents weren't keen on my children being given my surname .

My ds has mysurname-dadsurname.
His dad family (with the unusual name AND last in family line using the name)
Decided to start calling ds name mysurname.
No idea why.
They were all insistent on using dadsurname when he was born.

My husband and I didn't change either of our names, and my child has the same - my surname double barrelled with husband's surname. We've occasionally had the same, where people just use his surname. I've not yet had anyone keep using it after I've corrected them! I get that people might assume the name, the assumption is irritating but only irritating. Continuing to use the wrong name after being (politely) corrected would be very rude.

And for the sake of other users - yes, I expect my child may drop one or the other names as they get older. That's fine - their name, their decision!

”I think it's a bit optimistic to expect people to keep track of the fact that a child's surname is not the same as either of his parents.“

I think that depends who it is. Close family, you’d expect them to remember- I’d certainly expect parents and parents-in-law to, for example. But Great Aunt Matilda who they don’t see often and DC gets a fiver in a card from once a year? Optimistic to think she’ll remember and unreasonable to get worked up about it.

As with most things, context is key.

Three surnames in the same family. I mean sending something to the Pratchetts is infinitely easier than three separate names. Make it matrilinieal to be better people.

@Azadewow - OP hasn’t been in the least rude just clear. How in the 21st Century people can have an issue with this is beyond me. It’s also pretty damn straightforward. All of this is blatant sexism and a resistance to a family doing things differently to their relatives.

Three surnames in the same family. I mean sending something to the Pratchetts is infinitely easier than three separate names.

But they weren't sending something to the Smith, Jones and Smith-Jones family. They were sending something to Peter Smith-Jones who is only one person.

If you were sending a Christmas card to the family the obvious solution would just be to put Smith-Jones, with or without the hyphen, on the envelope. Or write "Sarah Smith and Dave Jones" or "the Smith Jones family". As long as you're acknowledging both names and not just picking one (invariably the man's) then they will appreciate you making the effort to call them by the correct name.

Do what I did when both DH’s family and mine seemed incapable of grasping that DS has both his (married) parents’ surnames. Write NOT KNOWN AT THIS ADDRESS’ on cards and put back in the post.

But they weren't sending something to the Smith, Jones and Smith-Jones family. They were sending something to Peter Smith-Jones who is only one person.

Maybe I'm thick as mince but I simply can't assign enough cognitive power to remember all the yoonique spellings and three different names of every cousin in the family. In one family there are three surnames and two yoonique spelling. That's one cousin. Of many many many cousins. Can I be arsed? No. So I send a package to the Smiths (whomever I know best is Smith, not the man) first names on presents and if you return to sender, one less chore next year.

I do try to buy lovely presents that people will like.

If you go to the effort of choosing lovely presents that you think they will like then surely you can get the person's name right. It's really not complicated.

I have to say, all three of my children have DB names and we have never had a problem.

DH family is so traditional that when DD1 was born, DH grandfather rang DH father to complain that as both DH and BIL had only produced girls, the family name would die out.

I mean, seriously traditional people.

Even they write cards addressed to The Misses and Master Correct-Names.

I am sure they disapprove of the DBing (and me working, driving etc etc) but they are also capable of understanding that the world doesn't revolve around them.

Personally, I find the new craze for double-barrelled names a bit...yeah.

Totally agree. I also want to know what is going to happen when two people with double barrelled surnames get together - and they going to have a four part surname? Could get messy down the line!

If you go to the effort of choosing lovely presents that you think they will like then surely you can get the person's name right. It's really not complicated

And if you call your children Jonithan, Izobelle and Bettie with an umlaut and accents and have three different last names, that's on you.

You know perfectly well what their names are though.

And Smith-Jones is not too complicated for anyone with more than three brain cells to grasp.

People don't get it wrong because it's difficult. They get it wrong deliberately to show their disapproval of people who don't conform.

I get this, as does DC.
We are Mapplethorpe Waite, DH is Waite.
But despite our full names being on everthing official I still get 'Mrs Waite' or DC Waite. The bank have me as MyInitial M Waite. I've asked them to correct it several times.
I don't understand why people can't just address others by the name they've been asked to.