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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to end new relationship over name error?

163 replies

Whatsmyname8 · 20/05/2020 07:52

I was seeing someone a couple of months before lockdown started. We’ve continued things as best we can during lockdown but obviously it’s hard not being able to see each other.
On two occasions now he’s called me the name of the last woman he seriously dated, supposedly 2 years ago.
Both times have been after he’s finished a night shift at work so has been pretty tired. The first I laughed off as a slip up but now he’s done it again.
AIBU to end things over this, would you? I don’t know if I’m being overly dramatic.

OP posts:
GreyGoose1980 · 21/05/2020 20:31

Appreciate it’s annoying but I wouldn’t see that as a reason to end a relationship OP. Also you mention it was after a night shift.

WhatCFeryIsThis · 21/05/2020 21:39

My DP still does this, but admittedly a lot less frequently now. I used to wonder if I was being a wet blanket by not calling him out and dumping him. I sometimes wondered if it's because he associated how how feels about me with how he felt about her. But it became clear over time that he was just a slip of the tongue, he hated it when it happened and made efforts to stop. If your DP will try to stop and acknowledge that it's a problem, I don't think you need to run for the hills Smile

Ellisandra · 21/05/2020 21:43

@WhatCFeryIsThis in my experience of actually doing it, it had nothing to do with feelings. I don’t like my XH! It’s just that 10 years of marriage previously my brain got rather used to adding husband + John together.

The only other time I’ve done it, is my own child! I occasionally call her my youngest sister’s name. Never my other 3 sisters, so I’m not just being dithery. There’s some reason (probably youngest always seeming more child like to me) that is linking them in my brain.

lucie82 · 21/05/2020 21:48

I’ve been married to my husband 5 years and he still calls me by his ex wife’s name 🤷‍♀️

WhatCFeryIsThis · 21/05/2020 21:49

@Ellisandra that actually makes me feel a lot better! I hope that helps OP to feel better too.

I keep calling my son my youngest brother's name, because he reminds me so much of my brother as a baby (big age gap). He's just about to turn two so I doubt he cares much at all Grin

FelicisNox · 21/05/2020 22:02

I worked nights for years and not once have I called my my husband by my ex husbands name.

I've never done this with any of my boyfriends tbh, how on earth do you even do that?

I'm not surprised you're unhappy. It clearly shows she's on his mind in one capacity or another.

It's a no from me.

TheHobbitMum · 21/05/2020 22:04

I wouldn't end it for this either especially as you say he's tired when he's done it

OptimisticSix · 21/05/2020 22:05

Spmetimes I call my youngest child my rothers name. Its weird and I can only assume its because he has similar hair to my brother as a child... Hinestly I wouldnt let it bother me yet, assuming you really like him.

VK456 · 21/05/2020 22:39

I always used to call my SIL the name of my DD’s previous partner. So many times I wished the floor would open up!

tigerlilly22 · 21/05/2020 22:44

Years ago, when my new partner moved in with me, I called him my exs name by mistake a few times (even said it once during a time you should never say it lol). I was mortified. I couldn't understand how I'd done it as we'd seperated nearIy three years before. I had no feelings at all for my ex either. We laughed it off but i felt so guilty about it. We're married now and been together 23 years and I don't say it anymore now haha. Think it was just as somebody else has also said, habit !!

glennamy · 21/05/2020 23:09

You say in your own words you haven't seen each other for a while because of lockdown...

FFS give the guy a break, it's a fairly new relationship or even better don't be so dramatic or let the guy go to someone who is not so judgemental/neurotic as you are!

Itsalwayshard · 21/05/2020 23:25

Me and my DH have been together 11 years my MIL STILL calls me his ex wife's name. Dh has done it once. Its horrible but I wouldn't split up with him over it especially after a night shift. I forget my own name after a night shift 😂

AdaStarkadder · 21/05/2020 23:33

My sister has been with her partner at least ten years - l still occasionally slip up and call him by her ex's name ... lt's just a blip when he's tired. Unless you've got other reasons to want to split up l definitely wouldn't end things over that!

JigsawsAreCool · 21/05/2020 23:33

Everybody's brains are a bit fucked at the moment.

bumblingbovine49 · 22/05/2020 00:01

Look if you are unhappy with him end it..I called my DH by my ex name several times early on our relationship. I even signed a Christmas card with. name and my ex's name once . Luckily DH didn't hold it against me and we are still together 20 years later

Ineke · 22/05/2020 02:01

Lockdown would be a good test of the strength of your relationship. Night shift also fuzzles your brain. I can never get my son's girlfriend name right, always have to think twice as have called her by a previous girlfriend's name. It's a bit hurtful for you, but it's a newish relationship and he was tired, so, I'd let it pass.

ParkheadParadise · 22/05/2020 02:09

No I wouldn't end a relationship over that.
My mum had 6 of us, she was always calling us by a siblings name. By the time she had 22 grandchildren she referred to them all as the weans🤣🤣

ALongHardWinter · 22/05/2020 02:12

I don't think this is worth ending the relationship over! You've said yourself that he was tired; it was merely a slip up.
Me,I've frequently called my cat my granddaughter's name and vice-versa,and I'm always calling my DGD by my Dd's name. Many years ago when I was still married, I would often call my best friend by my husband's name!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 22/05/2020 02:26

Glad you have let him off, it's an easy mistake to make. DH called me his ex wife's name a couple of times, but on each occasion was horrified the minute it left his mouth and you could see the 'oh shit' look on his face! On the other hand I often cycle through every name including my sister, stepsons and other family members before getting to DS's name, he is used to it now.

1forAll74 · 22/05/2020 02:47

Just forget it, lots of people slip up with names.

I was telling a neighbour today, that I had just written an email to Terry, but the mail was to a cousin called Gerald, Terry was my ex husband. who died six years ago.

StarlightLady · 22/05/2020 07:16

I’ve calked people the wrong name in error, it’s easily done.

StarlightLady · 22/05/2020 07:17

“Calked” - called.

snowybean · 22/05/2020 07:24

On more than one occasion I've called my best friend by my own name 😅

Home42 · 22/05/2020 07:28

I’ve been dating a guy for nearly a year and have definitely called him by my ex-husbands name at least once. I am definitely not interested in my ex- husband... it was just a brain fart! If he’s after night shift then his brain is fried. My sis works nights and once left her baby in shop after shift she was so tired (baby recovered and is now 19, no harm done!)

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 22/05/2020 07:29

I wouldn't but then in the early days of my relationship with dh:

He called me his exs name
His mum called me his exs name
My mum called him my exs name

He'd been split from his ex for 2 years, I'd been split for a year. I think it's a habit thing, and when you're tired, you're not 100% concentrating. If it was 5 years down the line and he did it I'd be a bit more Hmm

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