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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help settle an argument- Xbox and teen related

53 replies

Coronaedout · 19/05/2020 16:40

AIBU to only allow Xbox from midday on Friday until 10pm Sunday night for 13 yo DS?
Apparently ALL other parents allow their children on everyday and I’m horribly unreasonable for not allowing him.

He’s normally dead sporty and plays football 4 times a week. He does his school work daily and some zoom sports classes.
I don’t want him glued to the screen all hours and he can’t seem to self-regulate - I allowed him on at Easter whenever he liked and he was never off it, even ate his food super fast to get back on.

So
YABU - let him play as much as he likes
YANBU - limited playing is fine

Thanks in advance, I thought this the easiest way to answer the “everyone else can play all the time” argument .

OP posts:

Sirzy · 19/05/2020 16:41

Surely there is somewhere in between the two options?

If he is doing his work and sports sessions via zoom already I would be a bit more flexible about x box time.

Sirzy · 19/05/2020 16:42

And don’t forget the more you police it the less likely he is to learn to self regulate his use.

AStarSoBright · 19/05/2020 16:45

I'm currently allowing DS to use his Xbox as much as he likes, as long as school work is done and he has at least an hour of exercise a day. Otherwise I'd be seriously restricting the only socialising he's allowed at the moment.

Morgan12 · 19/05/2020 16:46

I think that is ridiculous to be honest.
YABU.

Flowerbomber92 · 19/05/2020 16:48

Try and be a bit more lenient OP, my son also plays football 4 days a week and is really sporty, hes also doing school work ect but it's not really their fault that the football ect is cancelled, lockdown has been pretty tough for them so I try and not be strict with the free time as long as hes keeping doing the rest.

crosspelican · 19/05/2020 16:50

Very unreasonable. Everything else is unavailable to him right now. It's pretty shit, for him. The least he can have is his xbox, once he is definitely getting exercise and outdoors too.

Original poster

Coronaedout · 19/05/2020 16:53

@AStarSoBright I did this to start with but found he rushed his work and didn’t put the effort in to get on the Xbox.
When it’s unlimited, it takes over, almost to the point of obsession and meal times, bedtime, asking for help with the odd job like unloading the dishwasher becomes a fight.

OP posts:

Wendigogo · 19/05/2020 16:53

I'd have found that so infuriating as a child (or an adult tbh). Depending on the particular book/show/game, I dont see reading or watching tv as being any more meritorious than gaming.

I can understand limiting it to X number of hours per day to an extent (although not something I would impose tbh), but your current system just seems designed to encourage binges.

Particularly with the lockdown, I'd let him play as much as he wants as long as schoolwork is done.

DonLewis · 19/05/2020 16:55

Engage him in a discussion. Tell him that you're not up for u limited xbox time, but you understand he wants more than you're currently allowing. Tell him why you don't want unlimited time (moodiness, inability to do little jobs, rushing work) but if he can act more responsibly you're willing to compromise. Sometimes, you need to give them a reason to understand where you're coming from and some power to change the situation.

Mistressiggi · 19/05/2020 16:55

It's not just limited though is it? It's very very restricted

Original poster

Coronaedout · 19/05/2020 16:58

I didn’t actually think that 2 and a half days out of 7 was that bad. Clearly I’m wrong here. Will certainly have a rethink.
I have talked to him and explained about the behaviour, I’ve also offered extra time if his room is tidy without me moaning, that’s yet to happen.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 19/05/2020 16:59

But when that time is consecutive your actually encouraging binging during that time

Pugdoglife · 19/05/2020 16:59

What about a limit of perhaps 2 hours 4-6pm each day, as long as he has finished his school work and had a bit of exercise/outdoor time.

I'm not a fan of computer games, but perhaps a bit of escapism or online gaming could actually be good for his mental health right now?

Original poster

Coronaedout · 19/05/2020 17:01

I’ve suggested similar but he’d rather have two whole days than a couple of hours a day

OP posts:

Thighmageddon · 19/05/2020 17:02

I said on another thread last week that my ds would be out and active all the time but he's stuck inside. Can't go to any skate parks, play football so the only thing he has to keep in touch with friends on a daily basis is on his ps4 via the headset, he's not much of a tester so I'm leaving him to it right now.

Thighmageddon · 19/05/2020 17:02

Texter not tester.

mumonthehill · 19/05/2020 17:03

13year old day here and he is on it for 1.5 hours a day from 3pm. He uses it to chat to friends and play games. It is the only interaction he has with his friends at the moment so I think it is really important. He does all his school work and is not on it at the weekend.

mumonthehill · 19/05/2020 17:04

DS!

geekone · 19/05/2020 17:04

I have said YABU but I want to clarify. The Xbox has great parental controls, I allow my DS 10 1-1.5 hours per day at a weekend 1-2 hours depending on how much I have to do . He has one day off at the moment and on non isolation he is on Tuesday, Friday and the weekend again for no longer than 2 hours at a time but generally 1.5 hours.

It is better to play short and every day than for hours on end over the weekend.

Mascotte · 19/05/2020 17:05

I let mine on anytime and now it's a good way to keep in touch with friends.

AnxiousElephant77 · 19/05/2020 17:07

YABU.

My ten year old is on it way too much at the moment. But at least he's talking to his friends and as long as he gets some schoolwork done I can't bring myself to care.

OnTheMoors · 19/05/2020 17:08

Limit it. It's your house, your rules. You pay the broadband bill.
Our son was warned repeatedly, we gave him countdowns, we used visual timers. But he wanted more and more. He didn't want to do anything except gaming. He was shouting /rude and totally lost to it.
So we removed the console last summer.
He hates us for it but enough is enough

randomchap · 19/05/2020 17:11

How about a trial of allowing him more access but if he can't self police then the old rules come back in. Give him guidelines like he must eat dinner with the family, does a good job on his homework etc.

show him that you trust him to do the right thing.

It's pretty shit for everyone at the moment, xbox will allow him virtual time with his friends which could be good for him.

AStarSoBright · 19/05/2020 17:27

@Coronaedout DS does school work during the day, he doesn't have to finish it before he goes on the Xbox. He knows if it isn't completed he'll be the one who is in trouble not me.

vanillandhoney · 19/05/2020 17:38

I think considering we're pretty much still in lockdown, that's really not very long at all.

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