To love one child more than the other

[inadarkdarktown]

I just wondered if other people feel this way too and just never say so because it sounds so awful?

I don’t love one child more than the others, no. But I do sometimes look forward to spending time with one more than the others. Sometimes one has a time when they are being especially lovely or we’re sharing a common interest and it’s just really lovely. But I adore them all the same .

Oh no...I love mine equally and my parents were the same with my siblings and I.

I just couldn't imagine loving one more, but I guess if one was awful and abusive I may feel differently.

Some parents think they hide it well, but you'll never know the impact it has on that child as they grow up and when they reach adulthood.

It's very damaging and reduces their self esteem. These are among the group who seek therapy in later life.

I think you can have a favourite but still love them equally. I don't have a favourite but agree sometimes I like one more than the other or find one easier. My dad always favoured my sister and her daughter. He makes it obvious so all the grandchildren know too but I still wouldn't say he loves,her more, but perhaps loves her in a different way.

I feel more protective of my youngest and my oldest kind or resents his younger sibling and so acts out, resulting in him acting difficult and jealous. We have that kind of dynamic going on!

I was the least favoured child (middle child). My father favoured my older sibling and my mother favoured my younger sibling. When my father died he left most of his money to my older sibling. My mother left most of hers to my younger sibling. I didn't care about the money but it was a very visible sign that what I'd always believed, that I was less loved, was true. I spent my childhood trying to be loved and have suffered from low self esteem all my life.

I've been successful in my career, worked hard and now have a good relationship, but it's been hard work and I still lack confidence and have few friends because I don't think I'm worth being friends with.

You should always make your children feel equally loved.

My mother (Fully fledged narcissist and all round horrible manipulative bitch) practised divide and rule tactics with us as children and she still tries it now. The major result of her having favourites was that we had favourites. We all adored our father. He was the most wonderful person and genuinely loved us all equally, despite us all being very different. He would encourage us at anything we showed an aptitude for and guided us when we struggled. All three of us were devastated when he died 8 years ago. My mother saw this as an opportunity to try more divide and rule.... to a 21 year old, 19 year old and a 15 year old who had lost their father. She’s reaping what she has sown as we all are vlc with her now

My mother has always preferred my brother, everyone sees it. They have a lot more in common. She wonders why I am closer to my friends than my family

By love as in you would put one obviously first in an emergency situation?

Always worried about this when I was pregnant with my second as didn't think I could love anyone as much as my first , but I did
Mine are like chalk and cheese and I love them both the same but probably like them for different things at different times
I try my best to treat them the same is birthdays and Xmas similar amount spent an have offered both the same in terms of after school clubs etc ( reason we didn't have a third as may of not been able to offer a third the time , money and commitment as our first 2 as they do so many clubs etc )
My parents didn't have favourited but my dh mum clearly has and my DJ is third out of 3 and I've seen effect it has on him which is why I'm quite concious

OP I very much doubt your dd is 'exceptional'. And I very much think your other dc will be well aware of your unfair preference.

Oh no, I beg your pardon, 'really exceptional'

Biggest load of PFB BS I think I've ever heard!

To be honest, these super outgoing, ahem ‘sparkly’ kids usually translate as quite obnoxious to others who aren’t so dazzled by their brilliance

Lol my parents definitely have favourites, my sister is idolised by my mum and my brother is my dads favourite by a mile.

I was just there and tolerated. Everything was always my fault and my siblings hanged up on me mercilessly.

Holidays I was left with my grandparents at home, I had to sit there and watch as my siblings got bikes, laptops and tv’s etc for birthday and Christmas gifts. I got haribo sweets and socks, in fact the only effort ever really made for my birthdays was from my grandparents and aunt. My 18th was forgotten, no one came to my graduation etc.

If people think children don’t notice, they do and it’s soul destroying.

I love both of mine equally, but I have an easier relationship with one than the other. One is a little more similar to me, with a similar sense of humour, so hanging out is just easy. The other is absolutely lovely, but because we have different personalities and interests, it can feel hard to connect sometimes.

Do you not think it’s really narcissistic to enjoy spending time with someone because they’re like you ?? Do you only have friends who are exactly the same as you ?

Reminds me of the saying "of all my children, my husband is my least favourite"

I have actually seen this in play with my step children. One of them is treated much more harshly than the other despite there barely being any age difference (yes it's the eldest) and the other is babied massively, can't do any wrong etc... by both of their parents.

It's caused arguments between me and DH in the past and I'm closest to said SC because of it. I've gotten to the point now where I always stand up for them if I think their parents are displaying any favouritism.

It really fucking annoys me and the poor lad has started to question it himself now too.

Hi @janet1267,

same here. Middle child and scapegoat for my borderline mother who has now alienated all three of her children including my golden child brother very recently.

However, my mother's dislike of me has actually been the making of me as I am by far the most emotionally stable and 'normal' of her children. My therapist has confirmed it!

Favouritism of my brother hasn't done him any favours at all. His character is very similar to my mother with the associated consequences of not being able to relate to other people. My sister also has lots of issues caused by being coddled as the baby of the family.

Dacquoise. What you say is so familiar. You could be talking about my family. I too am the most 'normal' in my family, and was always the lynchpin and the one my parents came to depend upon.

No they all annoy me in equal measures

@janet1267, ditto. It's bizarre isn't it? To be berated and blamed by a dysfunctional parent(s) at the same time as being looked to 'to save' the rest of the family from their character flaws and failings. I am actually very grateful to be the scapegoat, gleefully so now I don't have to deal with them anymore.

My mother loved my sister more than me, still does, never said but it was very very obvious. I have 3 children and never experienced this, but I suppose if you do, don’t let it show and try to bond with the child you love least.

I remember growing up neighbours to a large family. 7 children (twins in there) and the third child was the open favourite for some reason. The third was also the least successful growing up and even did a prison stint yet was welcomed back still the fave. The others make a big joke of it but I thought how strange that was and I'd be fuming lol.

I have four children and love them all the same.

I’m the eldest daughter and middle in my family of five children and my dad used to tell me all the time that I was his favourite.