To be fucked off with OH?

[Aibutobefuckedoff]

I’m a key worker and OH working from home. We have one DD (2)Our nursery has shut so OH has been managing whilst I’m at work (4 days) but can’t get much work done done chasing after DD. I’ve been trying to accommodate OH’s work- I do dinner and put DD down as soon as I’m home, I do a big shop on the weekend so Oh can work whilst baby naps, you get the idea, but it means I essentially don’t get a break ever.

Today I said I’d go to the shops whilst DD slept so OH could have some time to work as he said he’d been stressed about some important deadlines. As you know there’s no longer such a thing as popping to the shops, it’s a 30 min queue, etc.

I came home and DD was still sleeping. I put everything away and began some cooking. OH brought DD down and she wanted mummy so we had a cuddle and then I went upstairs to tidy up. When I was tidying our bedroom I found one of OH’s hanky’s that he uses for a wank on the ground-he had obsiously had a wank whilst I was out.

So as not to drip feed, we have not been having much sex since DD was born. I just don’t fancy it and it’s been quite painful for me. I’m still BF DD and don’t want touch from anyone right now. And my breasts used to be very sensual and now they are not at all. OH did try it on last night but I was knackered so nothing happened. He has been very patient and Never pressurises me to have sex. And I know he has to do it whilst I’m out and I’m glad he’s not going elsewhere for it. And obviously he was in a completely different space than DD and she was deep asleep so I don’t find it concerning in that way if you see what I mean. But AIBU to be fucked off that I’m standing in the bloody queue at Tesco’s and he having a wank at home? Especially when he is worried about a deadline? Or is it a fair stress releases?

It’s all really rubbish at the moment and everyone is exhausted. Our situation is similar in that I’m going to work (hospital) and dh working in a stressful job from home while home educating 3dc (dd1 is 12 and pretty self sufficient - thank God). I’m getting home and coming 90% of meals as dh is usually on a video call until 6pm ish. I’m the one going to them shop as I go on my way home from work. Dh is stuck home with dc. I’m definitely getting the better deal. At work I can wee whenever I want and on my own! I usually love sex but I’m too tired right now so wouldn’t begrudge dh a wank - I’d buy grumpy he’d not thrown the tissue away but if I saw a tissue I’d assume dh blew his nose I’m pretty sure he usually wanks in the shower.

You dont wanna have sex why cant uhelp.him.masturbateor oral sex
Other things than just sex x

Yeah, just suck him off of you don't want sex

Yabu about him wanking op, but ignore 'advice' like that. He's a grown up, perfectly capable of seeing to himself.

Auto correct has been interesting but I’m sure you can figure out what I’m saying.

I can see why you're annoyed that you schlepped out to the shops so he could 'work' and stood around for ages when he was doing something else.

@smellbellina nope not her wifely duty at all. His release is having a wank. Other peoples might be making a cup of tea before getting back to work. More than likely takes the same amount of time🤷. He probably forgot about the tissue, calm yourself. 😂

This thread has made my evening. 😂🤣😂🤣

i found one of OH’s hanky’s that he uses for a wank wtf?! Is this standard?!

Well I would be hugely pissed to find a wet dirty wanky hanky on the floor. I would call him upstairs to.pick it up and dispose of it.as he sees fit. Dirty bigger. Does he leave his pants and socks on the floor for you too? I am at wits end too at the moment as "d" h is living the life of Riley in lock down whilst muggins here does it all.

YABU

I see why the division of labour thing is unfair, but sort that out and leave the wank out of it I think. It probably took five minutes (if that).

@saleorbouy
“You say you don't want sex but you are mad at him for discreetly sorting himself out.”

I don’t think chucking his used cum hankie on the floor makes it discreet some how....LOL

To be fair OP if he hasn't had it for 2 years then I doubt the deed took very long
Yes he WBU to leave the hanky there...I haven't RTFT but have you asked WHY he left the hanky there?? Did he possibly get distracted etc...

I am going to be controversial here and say your OH is not unreasonable to do that but equally I think you are not unreasonable to feel annoyed that he did that - two different things which can both be reasonable.

Something similar happened with myself and my ex husband - I always used to take our two small children out for example on a sunday morning to sunday school - it was exhausting and I found it hard work (although of course I loved and still love them both etc) but whenever I got back all I could smell from the kitchen bin was wank hankies - it upset me as I knew he had just had a chilled out morning probably watching porn and "sorting himself out" whilst I had sole care of the kids. To cut a long story short, the wanking turned into an affair with one of his colleagues which turned into him running off with her and now they are married and have a baby (half sibling for my two children) and it would not surprise me if his new wife takes their baby out to give my ex husband a "break" or some peace and quite and whilst they are out I can fully guess what he does with the free time. Cautionary tale.
PS i don't think the lack of sex at that time was a justification for what he did.

Bubblebu Oh my god. So wanking will turn into an affair🤦🏻‍♀️.

And yes, your ex husband probably does wank in his spare time.

At least he was getting paid to do it if it was during his working hours.

I can see why uou are feeling resentful that you are run ragged but it doesn't seem like he is having it easy either. It is a stressful shit situation for everyone but those trying to work with young children deserve a medal. Be kind to yourself and your husband!

He should have cleaned up his mess though.

Well I would probably just fuck him every now and again

Oh my days, if people think it's a disgusting habit for men, what do they think when women do it!? It's a stress reliever for EVERYONE.

OP, maybe you could do with some stress relief.

nick that is totally NOT what i was saying.

i was saying that if the balance of responsibility in terms of childcare or house work etc is so off kilter it opens the door of opportunity for this type of scenario.

And no in no way whatsoever do i think wanking is wrong, i just think if one person is getting no sex because they are run ragged doing all the domestic stuff and the other person is getting time to satisfy themselves sexually then that is a problem.

and as to the last sentence of my post the lack of justification is about the cheating and running off with someone else not the having a wank in the first place.

Bubblebu So what you posted had no relevance.

This is the first thread in months that's had me properly crying with laughter. Love the 'wanky hanky'. (though not left in the floor).. Other than that, YABU. And I think 'BubbleBu' is 'BubblyBarbara'... There can't he two people with such a weird view of wanking.

Bubblebu In fact you said “ the wanking turned into an affair”. So that’s exactly what you are saying.

Sorry, it’s not that we’ve not had any dec in 2 years, just not often.

The wank hanky was laid on a pile of clothes, I found it when I was gathering things for a load,

I don’t think it’s anyone’s duty to have sex ever and OH is entitled to sort himself. I was just cross as I’d been doing cooking cleaning shops all day. I’m Frontline staff and was getting all of things sorted for shift tomorrow, with all that’s been happening I’m shattered.

But you ladies have helped me sort my thoughts-OH came up to bed and we had a cheeky shag . He was a bit surprised and chuffed to bits. I’m feeling much better too now.

Thanks to you lovely mumsnetters X

No. I said a dynamic where one person has time and space to think about sex and the other person has literally no time to themselves is one where the door to an affair can and very likely will open itself.

Totally different thing.

That does not mean that OP "better have sex" with her husband or else - what it does mean is that OP should address the in balance in terms of the amount of time she and by comparison her OH have to themselves so that the opportunity to "go elsewhere" is not so much easier for her OH than her.

That was an unexpected update. I thought you'd have ripped his head off about the wanky hanky and sent him packing to his mothers with a rapturous round of virtual applause from the MN faithful.

PS glad that you haven't done that.

Lol