To be fucked off with OH?

[Aibutobefuckedoff]

I’m a key worker and OH working from home. We have one DD (2)Our nursery has shut so OH has been managing whilst I’m at work (4 days) but can’t get much work done done chasing after DD. I’ve been trying to accommodate OH’s work- I do dinner and put DD down as soon as I’m home, I do a big shop on the weekend so Oh can work whilst baby naps, you get the idea, but it means I essentially don’t get a break ever.

Today I said I’d go to the shops whilst DD slept so OH could have some time to work as he said he’d been stressed about some important deadlines. As you know there’s no longer such a thing as popping to the shops, it’s a 30 min queue, etc.

I came home and DD was still sleeping. I put everything away and began some cooking. OH brought DD down and she wanted mummy so we had a cuddle and then I went upstairs to tidy up. When I was tidying our bedroom I found one of OH’s hanky’s that he uses for a wank on the ground-he had obsiously had a wank whilst I was out.

So as not to drip feed, we have not been having much sex since DD was born. I just don’t fancy it and it’s been quite painful for me. I’m still BF DD and don’t want touch from anyone right now. And my breasts used to be very sensual and now they are not at all. OH did try it on last night but I was knackered so nothing happened. He has been very patient and Never pressurises me to have sex. And I know he has to do it whilst I’m out and I’m glad he’s not going elsewhere for it. And obviously he was in a completely different space than DD and she was deep asleep so I don’t find it concerning in that way if you see what I mean. But AIBU to be fucked off that I’m standing in the bloody queue at Tesco’s and he having a wank at home? Especially when he is worried about a deadline? Or is it a fair stress releases?

[HollysBush]

🤣 wanky! (YABU)

[Nymeriastark1]

So you haven't had sex in 2 years and you're complaining he had a wank while you where out? What's standing in tescos queue got to do with it? Your saying it like you're doing something really hard that nobody else is . He should of cleaned up after himself yes, but you being annoyed he had a wank after no sex for 2 years. Poor guy.

[Smellbellina]

I don’t think YABU to be peeved, he could at least tidy up after himself and it never would have been an issue.

[Doggybiccys]

OP you are being MASSIVELY unreasonable. That is all.

[rottiemum88]

YABVU. But I've enjoyed your thread for some of the other comments, so thank you

[Likethebattle]

If he’s like most guys he can get it done in 5-10 minute as. It would release stress and possibly help him focus. YABU, what relevance does you standing in queue have to do with it, he was taking the chance when alone.

[Smellbellina]

but you being annoyed he had a wank after no sex for 2 years. Poor guy.

Bloody hell! You make it sound like she should be ashamed for not fulfilling her wifely duty, she’s already said she has no issue with him wanking one out but don’t dress it up as a work deadline because it’s not. Fussing about a work deadline and then using the time to have a wank instead AND leaving it for your DW to clear up would piss me off.

[Ughmaybenot]

Rude and a bit gross that he left the wank hanky (😂) for you to pick up but the rest... yabu. It’s fine that you don’t want to have sex, you don’t owe anyone anything but you don’t get to police what he does with his own body.

[Cosyblanky]

So the fella left his wanky hanky in plain sight? Hmmmm... I wonder what this means

[Nicknacky]

What would it mean?!

[Bagelsandbrie]

Is it the wanking that’s annoyed you or the fact you’d given him some time to get some work done and he’d just used it as leisure time instead when you don’t get any...?

Couldn’t be bothered about a wank at all.

[Aibutobefuckedoff]

Thank you, sounds like the consensus is imBVU!

As two of you said, it is more about the imbalance of labour (I’m running ragged doing the housework, tidying, shop and most childcare on my days off) and Oh is complaining about not having enough time to work, worried about deadlines , etct. It’s exactly that, that it’s dressed up as a need for work time but instead is wank time if YSWIM.

Wanky hanky - don’t know if I should cry or Vom 😂

[BubblyBarbara]

YANBU. Its a disgusting habit and if you read the literature there is literally no actual medical necessity for a man to masturbate. He wanted to and saw a good opportunity when you were out doing chores but it was entirely his choice. He could have just got on with his work as he said without lying to you. I'd be having words

[saleorbouy]

YABU, You say you don't want sex but you are mad at him for discreetly sorting himself out. We all have needs and if these can't be met in our relationships then masturbating to quell his urges if perfectly ordinary and necessary. After two years with no sex his balls would be like watermelons otherwise!

[Nicknacky]

BubblyBarbara Waaaah are you actually being serious 😂? Why should there have to be a medical need?

And why would you have words with another adult about them masterbating? What business is it of yours?

[Bleepbloopblarp]

Is wank hanky the new penis beaker??

[BubblyBarbara]

My point is if there's no medical need to do it then he has chosen to do it if his own Free Will. And he lied about saying he'd work when he's doing That instead. It really steams my glasses up

[LEELULUMPKIN]

@BubblyBarbara I bet the "research" you have read also states the absolute fact that cracking one out will make a man go blind!

FGS it's totally normal and not a "disgusting habit"

[Nicknacky]

BubblyBarbara Oh thank god. You were joking.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

there is literally no actual medical necessity for a man to masturbate

Indeed. Nor women. And that’s what makes it fun

[wildcherries]

BubblyBarbara A medical need? Come on. Agree with PP, why would you need to 'have words' with another autonomous adult about this? You should not police what other people do with their bodies.

[loubieloo4]

I doubt that it was pre planned op, I imagine he does have work deadlines that he has to deal with whilst looking after dd. He saw an opportunity for five mins to himself.

To be fair the labour division of housework sounds a little one sided but I can't imagine the stress of work deadlines and looking after a 2 yo. At least you get todo work in peace. I guess the wank helped him to de stress

[Zombiemum1946]

If your dh is stressed and a quick hand shandy helps, then great. As you say, he's not going elsewhere for it and doesn't pressure you. He really should have binned the hanky though.

[Ughmaybenot]

Medical necessity 😂

[airbags]

Poor man. Little to no sex, working whilst looking after a child, has the opportunity for a bit of stress relief whilst child asleep and wife is out and you're fucked off with him. Let him have a guilt free wank for goodness sake. YABVU.