My partner is at a fucking bbq/party

[Namechangex10000]

I am livid. I do not consider myself to be a stickler for rules, I’m not over the top, I “allow” him to go to work even though I know he still socialising whilst at work, but I can’t do much about it.

We have a nearly 2yo ds. Last week ds was diagnosed with an ear and chest infection.

Today, he went out to get some bits for us to continued work on the house, and instead of doing that, he swanned off to a bbq (he is still there, despite arguing about it and me “telling him how it is”) all day. I just can’t beieve it. He just keeps saying “well I asked you if you wanted to come”

Is it me? Am I wrong?

Because I think he’s a fucking moron of the highest order and he simply cannot see it?

@Namechangex10000 you are worth so much more then him.

He sounds totally shit tbh. He lied to fuck off to a BBQ, then when pulled up on it he comes out with a bunch of bullshit.

I'm guessing it will be your fault he drunk so much and took drugs too.

You really need to know you are worth more, tell yourself this and get out this crap relationship with him. If anyone around you says his behaviour is ok, you need to cut them off also.

Non of what you said is ok. Drinking on the job, not giving a shit what you think, bullshitting you, not giving a shit his child is ill, not caring that he is putting you all in danger of CV.

This man is shit OP. Bin him. You will find better and be happier in the long run.

You've got way bigger problems than a bbq.

Maybe concentrate on the fact that he is not coming home to his partner and Son for 4 hours every day after he has finished work.

I wouldn't put up with that in the first place.

You are not being unreasonable.

In your shoes I wouldn't be letting him back in/would go somewhere else with DS, not just for self isolation, permanently. I wouldn't want to live with someone who would knowingly put me and DC in danger for the sake of a bbq!

And you're not being unreasonable. You're trying to keep your child safe. Your child is number 1 priority. X

OP, of course you are not wrong to be frustrated with your partner for going to a BBQ right now, particularly when your child is sick.

However, you have mentioned other, quite worrisome things:

--Your partner regularly drinks on the job.

--He drinks for four hours every day after work, even during lockdown.

--You wait on your partner and he doesn't have any responsibilities around the house.

--You expect that he will take a significant amount of drugs at this party.

--He turns around critiques onto you and makes you feel bad for any attempt to change his behavior.

--You have a sick infant and he's gone to a party (which, even apart from covid, means that he thinks caring for your baby on the weekends is your job).

All of this is very much cause for concern, particularly when added together. Are you in a vulnerable spot here? (Ie are you a stay-at-home mother not married to the child's father?) Do you think that he would be willing to change any of those bullet points above?

YANBU, OP. Ignore those who say you are. Your original post clearly came off as sarcastic, and so many people are treating you like garbage (for what reason, I don't know).

Your DP has done the following things:

• Left you to care for an ill toddler with a chest infection, therefore leaving him more susceptible to a deadly virus
• Gone to a BBQ against lockdown where it is highly unlikely that people will adhere to social distancing
• Stayed late after work to drink and do drugs with his seemingly unsavoury colleagues
• Been drinking on the job at a building site, endangering himself and others
• Blamed you for telling him that his behaviour is unacceptable

Frankly, I don't know why you are still with this man. He is placing himself and his family at risk of both illness and losing a parent. You deserve better and your son deserves better. I have never said this before on this site, but LTB. Pack up his stuff, stick it in a bag outside your door, and change the locks. He will stay with his imbecile mates and carry on with his irresponsible behaviour and you can offer your son a safer life.

OP, so sorry you have been treated like this on MN tonight.

YANBU.

Your partner is behaving like an ignorant twat and it must be very frightening when your baby is poorly.

Disgraceful, really.

He should be working safely at work and coming straight home. And no one should be having a bbq.

He has no respect for you, and is a careless selfish Dad.

I would be refusing to let him come home, I think.

Poor you. This is a wretched time for people to behave so badly

I hope your baby starts to recover very fast.

Ahhhh OP there are some absolute tossers on this thread.
Your husband is an unsupportive, by the sounds of it fairly unsavoury, most definitely unlikable fool. And he’s certainly not a good father judging by this.
I think if I were you, I’d be making plans to exit this relationship. You and your child deserve so much better.
Hope the little one is okay

Tell the fucker to not bother coming home.

If he can't prioritise the health of his family over drinking with his mates, reassess the relationship.

OP - you are not at all wrong to be concerned about what your partner is doing. By socialising and drinking like this, he is putting his family at risk.
Do you want to stay with him?

Is there maybe a language barrier here?
Is a bit rich from someone who misunderstood that the OP's partner is at a bbq with his work colleagues.

I have already said I’m not over the top about what people do during lockdown, my issue is that our BABY has an infection, so socialising with a load of drinkers/drug users at a bbq (who all clearly do not respect lockdown, and therefore, have also no doubt been socialising elsewhere) is indicative of a risk to our son, no? If I am wrong on that then please point me in the direct of the real rules becaus I’ve obviously lost my mind.

It's not about a higher risk to your son because he is unwell at the moment, unless he has an underlying condition already, you are more likely to be affected by it than him. It's about people not gathering and risking catching/spreading the virus and then those who have it potentially spreading to others they may meet, who in turn will spread it to others and so on.
So you are not unreasonable to be angry that he has gone to a BBQ because nobody should be doing that, but don't make it about your child.
He sounds like a knob anyway if he stays at work drinking until 8pm instead of coming home.

You're massively overreacting OP.

Op, you have much more positive and helpful responses on here than negative, focus on them and don’t get upset about strangers views on the Internet.

Tell him to fuck off the selfish prick. You and your child are worth so much more than a man who puts drink/drugs before his own kid.

But someone posts and uses the word "allow" in speech marks (which btw OP I took as being sarcastic not controlling) and all hell breaks loose

Do you think that might be because there are fucking hundreds of posts where the OP is "allowed to" by their partner, and they don't realise that thats is not right or normal?? Are we supposed to say well that ok, op is obviously female so she cant be controlling?

We read what she wrote, there is no ambiguity

Awful reactions yet again from some people - unhinged???
How is the OP overreacting when rules are rules? And why can't his actions have any impact on the rest of his family? Why can't

@InFiveMins

But your one of those 'Covid is no big deal' idiots, so your opinion is worthless.

Got too excited and hit send without finishing my message haha wasn't much anyway, was just going to add why can't OP make it about her child

Yanbu OP. I would not let him back in the house. Utterly selfish of him.

I hope you listen to the reasonable posters and dump this useless arse.

@InFiveMins
Really?

Yanbu

Scarlet
Come on!! Stop picking apart a post and looking for something that very clearly isn't there!
People are dying from the virus, hence the lockdown restrictions! I don't believe for one second that if your partner was behaving how OPs is that you wouldn't have a problem with it!
She's reacting how most people I know would react that isn't controlling!!
Focus on the point of the post her baby is unwell and her partner is out drinking/taking drugs with friends when lockdown rules state he shouldn't be! That's the point here 😂 not how controlling u "think" she is 🙄🙄

He sounds like an inconsiderate, disrespectful idiot. You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Look after your child and tell him to stay out with his drinking buddies and not endanger your home. Some people are being deliberately obtuse, ignore them

What is he like in non-pandemic situations? He sounds like he is probably out at the pub all the time and partying with drug taking mates all weekend? If so use this to open your eyes to what an arse you have lumbered yourself with Imo.

Yanbu, he is a fuck wit.