"When he passed" - AIBU to think WTF?

[TheClitterati]

Seems everything uses "passed" instead of died now. On the radio, in conversations, on MN, online. I expected to see statistics of those who passed from covid 19 any day now.

He passed. When she passed. She passed 20 years ago. Anniversary of his passing.

Seems to have snuck up on me & I find it very annoying. Plus - so many questions! Where did this come from? Why do people use it so widely? Is it now unacceptable or uncouth to talk of death? Where are all these people passing to? Did Fred West & Hitler pass also or it it just people we think kindly of who pass? Are we now to speak of the passing of Diana? The day Prince passed?

I didn't mind in occasional use- people can express themselves as they like. I understand why someone might refer to the death of a loved one this way. But it does seem to now be THE way to reference the death of anyone at all.

AIBU to think it's ok to talk about death and people dying. Has mention of death become unspeakable?

@daisychain01 it's me they're cutting down the middle, when they make out as though it's nothing. They DIED! They didn't pass away like a fading little leaf on a stream. They fucking DIED. I'm screaming inside and for someone to make out like it's a soft little nothingness like they just fell asleep is just so disrespectful.
How can the actual true word with the accurate definition ever be considered disrespectful?? It is the use of euphemisms that is the problem, as they are just trying to cover up and shy away from the truth,and make the person saying it feel better, not the person hearing it.

My dad died three weeks ago and unsurprisingly it still feels very raw. I’ve never been keen on the phrases “passed” or “passed away”, but right now “he’s dead” feels so brutal. I actually really love the idea that he could have been considered “a guest” at the mortuary. He wasn’t just a body; he was our much loved father, grandfather and husband; and referring to him as a guest would to me sound kind and respectful.

I'm used to 'passed away' and I do find 'passed' on its own odd - as though someone had passed an exam! But it doesn't really matter what we call it. Dying is sadly still dying, whatever words we use.

When I hear someone say x has passed away I always imagine someone dying peacefully.
After my dd died I met a friend's mum and she said " I'm so sorry to hear about dd's passing". For me my dd was murdered, she didn't pass away peacefully. I suppose the word dead is so final and harsh its difficult to say to someone who is grieving.

I hate it.

I t implies you believe in the after life (passing to the other side of somewhere.) I don't and am a non-believer.

I also hate the use of 'lost' and always feel like saying I hope they find that person soon.

Why have we become so coy about using the word 'die'?

It used to be 'passed away' didn't it? Saying 'someone has passed' sems like an unfinished sentence. Passed wind? A driving test? What?

Reminds me of a scene in The Cricket Term by Antonia Forest.
Marie has died and her class are trying write a letter of condolence to her parents.
Tim tells them she's not signing anything that says 'passed away'.
"Put 'died' and I'll think about it."

That was in 1974, so the phrase has been irritating for a long time.

My mother died earlier this year and I remember my brother literally couldn't say 'died'. He said "passed' because 'died' was to acknowledge an event he just wasn't ready to cope with.

guests in mortuary

Isn't mortuary a bit cold and unfeeling? Rest room? Although in the US that's a euphemism for something else that must never be mentioned! George Orwell had quite a lot to say about the consequences of mangling language to avoid inconvenient concepts.

When my father died, I couldn't have contemplated saying that he had passed. Not least because he would probably have come back and haunted me for it.

Muppetry, Well some will like it, some won't - death is unavoidable for everybody. I wouldn't appreciate being told that somebody I loved was a 'guest in the mortuary', I wouldn't have a problem with 'being moved to Ward 13' or reference to a 'patient in the mortuary', because that's what they are.

Not directed to you but, using a mawkish term doesn't confer 'extra respect'. It's a matter of preference so perhaps the sensible thing to do is take the cue from the bereaved person and use standard terminology up until that point.

Passed away is the UK euphemism. Passed is an Americanism, and I don’t like it. The first time I came across was on on on-line forum where an American posted that their mother had finally passed. I clicked on the thread to say congratulations on passing whatever test or exam it was, only to find the woman had died after a long illness.

It’s not only twee, it’s confusing in the UK.

It's an Americanism, isn't it?

Like most of the awful phrases that have crept into English.

There are some things that just seem really insensitive to pass judgement on. This is one of them imo. There's really no need to say if you 'like' the way someone describes a death, just use the term you prefer yourself. Such an odd thing to even think about starting a thread about.

ParkheadParadise I'm so sorry about your daughter. I agree that 'passed away' does make it sound like they had a peaceful death whilst they were sleeping or something.

Personally, I prefer died, as it is what it is as they say - passed means the same thing, it has the same 'horrible connotations' because it means the same thing!

In Ireland they have 'death notices' on the radio and they start each one with 'the death has occurred of X.....' and I think that's pretty straight up and clear.

Passed away is the UK euphemism. Passed is an Americanism, and I don’t like it.

Americans like confusing us by leaving out prepositions. It's a bit like being told someone is pissed

So Jux thinks all the people on this thread who have explained why they say passed away,people who's loved ones have died, as pathetic?

I must say that on the pathetic-resilient spectrum they lose quite a few points in my mind!

Referring to “passing” instead of dying is considered non-U. A bit like saying “pardon” instead of “what”, and “toilet” instead of “lavatory”. It doesn’t bother me, but if you are a bit of a stickler for using the correct terms, then it can be a bit of an annoyance, I imagine.

Like most of the awful phrases that have crept into English.

Where does xenophobia have roots in then?

I never refer to my fathers passing as died.

My mobile phone battery died.
My car won’t start, it died.
My oven died.

I don’t like dead or died, it’s referred to objects theses days. A human is not an object.

I always say my husband died. I prefer the simple, direct word.

My DM is currently dying at home with a rota of carers four times a day. My DB1 and I are caring for her otherwise, feeding her, dishing out the meds and doing the nights. My DF is here loving her though he's too frail to do much practical stuff. But she isn't passing away. And we aren't losing her. She's dying.

But I would follow the lead of anyone who talked of their loved one passing away or any other euphemism. It's just that I find it's easier to accept death if I use the word.

In Ireland the radio will announce the death of Mary Kelly. But from then on every time Mary Kelly is mentioned, God rest her follows her name.
Take your cues from whoever you are talking to, if they are bereaved. Crossing the street to avoid them is nasty, people do that as well.

I think people are more afraid of death now. We all have access to (mostly) decent health care, people are living longer we generally have less to do with death then previous generations.

When DH died I found that other people were uncomfortable with me saying "he died, he's dead" etc and I felt that they tiptoed around me more because they thought I was not rational, but if I said he had passed away, it was less jarring. It is so odd. He is dead. Nothing is going to make him come back to life, it is a final state and euphemisms don't make that any less true.

Firstly anything that makes it easier on families when they have to make those calls to family, bank, insurance company, repeating yes my DM died or is dead it is cutting and final.
Secondly your timing to post this thread is way off considering 1000's of Mnetters have had family PASS away recently from Covid19. Isn't there any other phrase you could think of like Chester drawers etc to start a thread on.

I say died but have no issue with what anyone else says as long as the meaning is clear.