"When he passed" - AIBU to think WTF?

[TheClitterati]

Seems everything uses "passed" instead of died now. On the radio, in conversations, on MN, online. I expected to see statistics of those who passed from covid 19 any day now.

He passed. When she passed. She passed 20 years ago. Anniversary of his passing.

Seems to have snuck up on me & I find it very annoying. Plus - so many questions! Where did this come from? Why do people use it so widely? Is it now unacceptable or uncouth to talk of death? Where are all these people passing to? Did Fred West & Hitler pass also or it it just people we think kindly of who pass? Are we now to speak of the passing of Diana? The day Prince passed?

I didn't mind in occasional use- people can express themselves as they like. I understand why someone might refer to the death of a loved one this way. But it does seem to now be THE way to reference the death of anyone at all.

AIBU to think it's ok to talk about death and people dying. Has mention of death become unspeakable?

It's hardly a new phrase though. I was taught to use passed away rather than died when I was a child because it was more tactful.
Not sure what the issue is if you understand what it means.

I have to tell people that their family members have died as part of my job (police), and we are trained to say the person has died or been killed and not use any flowery language. It's blunt, but leaves no room for confusion.

I think "passed" is just the shortened version of "passed away" or "passed over". I came across the latter when reading a Doris Stokes' book*, it was very much a term meaning the deceased had moved to an alternative plane, rather than simply died. I don't believe it's an Americanism at all (and a lot of phrases and terms from America are quite useful, they aren't all annoying) but they've probably come from a similar root of the dead person has simply moved on to where the living may not, rather than the balder "dead".

FWIW, if we didn't have the softer version of "passed away", someone would invent one, if only in consideration of the feelings of the bereaved. Sometimes the stark reality of dead is too hard to speak aloud to begin with. Seems fair enough to use passed away in personal circumstances, but "s/he died" on the news about people like celebrities seems fair enough (I prefer clarity myself, but I haven't had one of my family die for a long time, and I will see what feels right at the time.)

*Yeah, I know. I was young and would read anything then.

Secondly your timing to post this thread is way off considering 1000's of Mnetters have had family PASS away recently from Covid19.

I wholeheartedly agree with this. So many people have lost a loved one recently, this whole discussion about how they chose to describe the event in or post grief leaves a bad taste.

Quite honestly, it just another chance for the linguistic snobs to pat each other on the back about how well they use the English language compared to lesser (or worse, not English) people. I don't think this is the appropriate time for that discussion - don't worry though, Christmas will be around again soon and all the English middle class can get themselves into a nice wrong rage about how it's 'Father Christmas not Santa!!!'.

I might say passed away but not passed on its own, more likely to say died.

I prefer to say 'died', and this is what I used when my dad died. I also use it when talking about my sister who died. Personally, I don't like to use euphemisms to describe my dead family members.

However, I would always mirror what someone who has been bereaved says, as it's not up to me what wording they use. So if a person says 'passed away' or 'passed' about a loved one, that's what I'll say too.

A bereaved person's wishes are more important than my preferences.

I only use euphemisms when I don't want the kids picking up too much. So I have "expired", "shuffled off this mortal coil", "became angel dust", "crossed the river Styx", they're endless. But not "passed"!!

@BanKittenHeels you are so right. I have to do this with my job. To say things like passed, not with us anymore, he/she didn’t make it for example, is so ambiguous and relatives don’t understand what you mean. I always say died. It saves a huge amount of confusion.

op YABU to think WTF

let people refer to death as they wish.

I think it has come from the US.
When my father died, I was told he had 'gone'. Gone where? I asked.

@MouthBreathingRage did you know Enid Blyton wrote santa? And she is definitely middle class. I'm very middle class and enjoy saying Santa and toilet just to see who read too much Nancy Mitford and is a snob.

It's Santy in Ireland a lot of the time. I think the Monty Python dead parrot speech shows that the synonyms have been available for a long time.
I think professional people should say died in the line of duty, for clarity. I imagine funeral directors mirror the family somewhat. Just going on my own experience.

It's an American thing. Like being pissed means being angry. Doubling down means repeating the bullshit you've just been criticised about.
When we all start saying fanny when we mean arsed, you'll know we have lost all sense of our own language.

Quite honestly, it just another chance for the linguistic snobs to pat each other on the back about how well they use the English language compared to lesser (or worse, not English) people. I don't think this is the appropriate time for that discussion
Exactly.

AIBU to think it's ok to talk about death and people dying. Has mention of death become unspeakable?

No. YANBU. I use the phrase, but a lot of people don't their choice.
I also think the euphemism for miscarriage is insulting. I didn't lose my baby like I might lose my keys. It died.

To this PP:

YABVU - whatever language helps for the bereaved, let them use the language that gives them solace

The OP never suggested we prevent people from using the phrase. How would that be possible??? She just finds it odd and would like to know the origin of the expression.

What's starting to annoy me is that it seems people can't just say "died" any more. It has to be "sadly died".

When I was nursing we would have to say "died," to the relatives when j forming them. The mortuary though was known as Rose Cottage, so when calling for the porters we would tell them that we had a patient for Rose Cottage, rather than a body for the mortuary.

In every day life I'll take my cues from whoever I'm talking to.

So Jux thinks all the people on this thread who have explained why they say passed away,people who's loved ones have died, as pathetic?

@Classiccola then Jux can fuck off to the far side of fuck. That's a euphemism for fuck off to the far side of fuck just in case @Jux is hard of thinking.

@CatkinToadflax I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.

@ParkheadParadise I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm so sorry about your DD.

@JinglingHellsBells It's an Americanism, isn't it? Like most of the awful phrases that have crept into English.

Not necessarily, some are and some aren't but I'm not getting into a discussion of American vs other flavours of English.

@GoatyGoatyMingeMinge I must say that on the pathetic-resilient spectrum they lose quite a few points in my mind!

So you judge people who are grieving based on how they describe what has caused the grief? If that's the case then you have gained a quite few points on the arsehole spectrum in my mind.

It’s less blunt than saying ‘She died last week’ I guess but I would say died instead of passed away too.

@Longdistance - I think referring to an inanimate object as having “died” is anthropomorphism. Objects don’t die. People do.

In fact if I cast my mind back to childhood, things didn’t die. They broke, or broke down or went on the blink or stopped working.

What's starting to annoy me is that it seems people can't just say "died" any more. It has to be "sadly died"
Oh Ffs. People are not allowed to add sadly now. I say died usually but found passed was easier for me to say in the first few days, other than on official calls to sort out funeral arrangements, if I said died everytime I'd have wept in public to neighbour's offering condolences.

I agree Goaty sounds like an arsehole. I hope that's plain speaking enough for her.

Our hospital mortuary is called Rose Cottage, says so on all the signs.

Language is evolving - passed, pissed, needs gone. There will always be those who dislike it, and those who use it.

OP was never saying not to use it, just wondering where/when it all began.

All hospital mortuaries are called Rose Cottage, aren’t they?

@antipodalpizza Thankyou. Grief is so so hard.