"When he passed" - AIBU to think WTF?

[TheClitterati]

Seems everything uses "passed" instead of died now. On the radio, in conversations, on MN, online. I expected to see statistics of those who passed from covid 19 any day now.

He passed. When she passed. She passed 20 years ago. Anniversary of his passing.

Seems to have snuck up on me & I find it very annoying. Plus - so many questions! Where did this come from? Why do people use it so widely? Is it now unacceptable or uncouth to talk of death? Where are all these people passing to? Did Fred West & Hitler pass also or it it just people we think kindly of who pass? Are we now to speak of the passing of Diana? The day Prince passed?

I didn't mind in occasional use- people can express themselves as they like. I understand why someone might refer to the death of a loved one this way. But it does seem to now be THE way to reference the death of anyone at all.

AIBU to think it's ok to talk about death and people dying. Has mention of death become unspeakable?

@TheClitterati
What? No one is saying you cannot say someone has died I don't think? It's just the phrasing people choose to use for there closest people surely? Look I'm probably still not dealing well with it so maybe clouding my judgement.

I do agree with F0RESTGRUMP. I hate all that bullshit and prefer plain speaking.

In my culture ‘off’ is used. So, effectively, ‘(s)he turned off’.

100% agree OP. It's yet another Americanism which has slithered into our vocabulary. You don't feel less sad or grieve less by using the word passed, I hate it.

I used died when referring to my own family.
If I am talking to someone else about their person I copy the term they are using.

That's a new one on me, do you mind me asking which culture that is?

I detest it. Both my parents died five years ago. That’s fact. They didn’t pass away.

Without reading the whole thread YADNBU. I can't bear it. They have DIED. It's not offensive or insensitive to say that.

Plain speaking makes you a bit cold and unfeeling imo.Especially when people on this thread have explained why they can't use the words died and dead.

@m0therofdragons guests in mortuary

What's the problem with that? Is there some correct hospital descriptor for the deceased patients who have been moved to the mortuary? Should they be using corpse? Cadaver?

I think guests is very personal, and as a relative if I overheard that conversation I would be hugely glad that my dead relative was more of a person than some lifeless statistic.

I can just about accept 'passed away' as a euphemism for death, but 'passed' really irritates me. Passed a test, passed me on the street etc.

I have lost people close to me (husband, sister) and I always say they died.

But then I can't stand things like the term 'rainbow baby' for the one you have after a miscarriage either (and yes, the middle one of my three pregnancies ended very badly so it also applies to me).

My husband died two years ago - Died is very harsh, very final. I use passed away when talking to the kids, died in my head, passed away when having to tell people who haven’t been in touch for the last few years and don’t know..

I hate it too. But I hate even more someone being described as having gone over the golden bridge......

I think it’s just a bit nicer. The words ‘death’ and ‘died’ carry such horrible connotations. I imagine for many grieving people they are just too hard to say. Passed feels nicer and softer.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt Really sorry. Both deaths sound equally horrific for you. I found a family member dead on the floor last year and it was both shocking, distressing and frightening in equal measure.
If course you must use whatever terminology helps you. You do however use death and die in your post rather than lost or passing. I guess because the words have greater effect.
I think this is why people dislike using them, there’s no positives.Still in general I think it doesn’t help society to be squeamish about a fact of life.

Jux Pathetic? Wow. Who are you to tell people how they should feel in regards to losing a loved one. Oh sorry should I say something else? Having their loved one be dead? Losing someone can turn your life completely upside down and you think it is ‘pathetic’ to use a softer term for what’s happened?
People use different terms for things. Think about it, people who are criticising us, do you always say the correct terms for genitals, or talk about sex without using the most graphic terms. Don’t be hypocrites people.

I think it's fine for people to use whatever phrase they're ok with, so long as they're clear what they mean.

"Passed" is too ambiguous.
"Passed away" is not.

I will tell people I'm sorry for their loss when someone has died, because that IS what I'm sorry about, that they no longer have that person in their lives.
But yes, saying "We lost X" is also ambiguous, as demonstrated on this thread itself - so it can lead to unnecessary upset.

Use what you like, but please be clear what you mean to avoid potential upset all round.

It's a cultural thing. I only hear Brits say died. Most others say passed.

I've seen people (on here) justify the use to "to reach out" rather than "contact" because they think contact sounds too blunt. Equally "popping people on hold" - "putting" people on hold (some seem to think) is rude! If people are too feeble to say what they mean when it comes to making phone calls, what chance have they got with death

I used 'passed away' when talking about a death around my young children. One of my parents died earlier this year but the children didn't know them, I thought 'died' was a bit heavy to use in discussion with my husband (the eldest knows what it means). Same with discussion of Covid deaths, it's a bit heavy using the word 'dead' if the children are within earshot. Otherwise I would, but have zero issue with people preferring to use 'passed' in adult conversation, whatever makes them comfortable. It's never usually a nice conversation when talking about death, so no harm in using softer language.

I agree. I don't see the need for euphemisms, but it you must use them, why "passed"? Where have they passed too? See also falling asleep.

"Sorry for your loss" also annoys me. To feel sorry for something it so pity it. I don't pity their loss, I am sorry about it.

The words ‘death’ and ‘died’ carry such horrible connotations

No, they don't. We all die.

And, if "passed" means the same thing, then it carries horrible connotations.

I used “passed away” or died, died does sound rather blunt though. I work in a hospital and we use “RIP” instead of “dead” to described deceased patients, and we say “passed away” when talking to relatives. Seems we view dead or died as a bit too blunt.

My religious relations in northern Ireland put called home in death notices. Which sounds cosy.

So Jux thinks all the people on this thread who have explained why they say passed away,people who's loved ones have died, as pathetic?