"When he passed" - AIBU to think WTF?

[TheClitterati]

Seems everything uses "passed" instead of died now. On the radio, in conversations, on MN, online. I expected to see statistics of those who passed from covid 19 any day now.

He passed. When she passed. She passed 20 years ago. Anniversary of his passing.

Seems to have snuck up on me & I find it very annoying. Plus - so many questions! Where did this come from? Why do people use it so widely? Is it now unacceptable or uncouth to talk of death? Where are all these people passing to? Did Fred West & Hitler pass also or it it just people we think kindly of who pass? Are we now to speak of the passing of Diana? The day Prince passed?

I didn't mind in occasional use- people can express themselves as they like. I understand why someone might refer to the death of a loved one this way. But it does seem to now be THE way to reference the death of anyone at all.

AIBU to think it's ok to talk about death and people dying. Has mention of death become unspeakable?

[Devlesko]

You should be able to use whichever term you like.
especially when you are talking about someone you knew, or were closed to.
Passed, passed over, lost, died, I couldn't get my knickers in a knot over a word, it's sad to think it actually bothers some people, more than the fact someone has lost their life.

[Megatron]

YABU. It's not up to anyone else how someone describes someone close to them dying. You don't like it (nor do I) so don't use it, but don't criticise those who find comfort in using that phrase.

[TheLadyAnneNeville]

I’m used to death, in some ways. Was a nurse for three decades. Would never have used the word “passed”. However, I lost my Mum just before Christmas. I simply cannot use the word “died” in relation to her.

It’s too final. I usually say “lost” as in I have lost her as a person/lost her company/lost her being there.

Sorry if it’s nesh. I just cannot say “My mum died...”

[billandbeninsanfrancisco]

In the hospice world presumably when explaining death. Obviously. But I was at the annual hospice memorial service a few months ago and in conversation with the lovely nurses they mirrored ‘lost’.

[80sMum]

I too find the use of "passed" extremely irritating! I have assumed it's yet another American import. The Americans are very keen on euphemisms.

The first time I saw it used I almost made a complete faux pas. Someone posted on Facebook that a relative of hers had passed. I was about to comment my congratulations and to ask what exam it was that he'd passed, when I saw other people's comments and realised that the OP had meant that he'd died!!

[Genderwitched]

Yes, I agree, it implies religious belief. It’s always been around but it’s everywhere now, it’s awful. They have even started to use it on the news.

[billandbeninsanfrancisco]

The Lady Anne, we are the same I think. Sympathy to you.

[ConstantlySeekingHappiness]

Your post is a particularly new low, even for Mumsnet.

What does it matter what language someone uses when referring to the death of a loved one. Particularly now, during this global pandemic which is killing people.

I never use this phrase but here goes..... I could not get worked up about this.

People should be allowed to use whichever words or language they want.... and I imagine they don’t care that you think “wtf”.

[NearlyGranny]

Mealy-mouthed euphemism and open to misunderstanding. Passed what? Wind? Driving test? A tractor?!

You can be both clear and gentle.

I was in the US for work years back, attending a staff meeting where the chair spoke about the recent "passing" of a colleague's mother and explained she was being "funeralised" the following Tuesday. Except she would probably have spelt it with a "zee". 🙄

[catwithnohat]

I used to hate twee expressions like this - until my parents died and now I don't mind it so much.

It's easier for people to use an expression that's a bit fluffy as they're scared of hurting the feelings of the bereaved. For myself I wouldn't used "passed". Its too American and I'm not.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I'm not a fan of euphemism, but will use passed away just in case I upset someone by using died. I think some people find it too blunt.

[Sadbadglad]

My husband died 2 months ago.

Its a final word. I did not lose him. He did not pass anyway

He died.

[saleorbouy]

I agree, I don't like the term " When he/she lost her partner" to me you loose your car keys or purse, it seems a bit flippant when referring to the death of a loved one.

[Sparklingbrook]

I don’t care. Everyone knows what it means. Just because people don’t say ‘died’ it doesn’t mean anything. Meh.

[Sadbadglad]

Meant to say he did not pass anywhere

[amber763]

I have now idea why this would annoy anyone.

[Destroyedpeople]

Don't mind 'passed away' buy 'passed' just makes me me think of some woo woo medium contacting 'lost' ones on 'the other side' possibly rocking backwards and forwards with fake ectoplasm emanating from their orifices.
I may have read too many rubbish novels

[GarlicSoup]

Anything is better than ‘transitioned’.

[Clancey]

OP, I was wondering if this was going to be about a crap driver who'd passed their driving test, or someone who'd passed an exam by cheating.

When dad died I rang everyone up & told them that he'd died. Bro said that I should've said passed away. I remember thinking but he's dead & there's no point saying anything other than that.

Although I'd like to think that my dad had passed on somewhere else, but I just do not feel comfortable with saying that someone has passed. What did they pass wind, the salt?

[ClassicCola]

It helps the bereaved and quite frankly I don't think they give a toss that you don't like it.

[Sparklingbrook]

Me neither @amber763.

[eggandonion]

I found it hard to say 'died' in relation to my parents for quite a while - trying to speak to banks and solicitors and so on is hard, saying 'died' can make it harder.
A relation was widowed young, and found it difficult to write 'widow' as marital status.
My dh hates 'passed' words !

[Walkingthedog46]

When my husband died I found it very difficult to say he had died. I used to say he had passed away. I can say it now, with the passage of time, but to say it initially I did find hard.

[GreyGardens88]

I prefer the phrase "not on the planet"

[opinionatedfreak]

HCP I used died.

It can be harsh but is truthful and accurate. And no room for misunderstandings.