"When he passed" - AIBU to think WTF?

[TheClitterati]

Seems everything uses "passed" instead of died now. On the radio, in conversations, on MN, online. I expected to see statistics of those who passed from covid 19 any day now.

He passed. When she passed. She passed 20 years ago. Anniversary of his passing.

Seems to have snuck up on me & I find it very annoying. Plus - so many questions! Where did this come from? Why do people use it so widely? Is it now unacceptable or uncouth to talk of death? Where are all these people passing to? Did Fred West & Hitler pass also or it it just people we think kindly of who pass? Are we now to speak of the passing of Diana? The day Prince passed?

I didn't mind in occasional use- people can express themselves as they like. I understand why someone might refer to the death of a loved one this way. But it does seem to now be THE way to reference the death of anyone at all.

AIBU to think it's ok to talk about death and people dying. Has mention of death become unspeakable?

My Dhs elderly aunt died recently, she was elderly and terminally ill when covid dealt a mortal blow. In my mind she died.
If her son finds it easier just now to use a different words or words I'm fine with that. I wouldn't think wtf.

My mother died. She didn't "pass". Pass what - her driving test?

antipodal thank you x

I don't like passed or passed away but would always take my cue from the bereaved, as at that moment, what they feel comfortable with is important.

My dad died 3 weeks ago today and I am religious. However, he has not passed, he is dead.

He is currently laid in a wooden box rotting and tomorrow we will put him into the ground where he will carry on rotting. He is dead and there is nowhere that he would pass to.

I did not lose him but he died of covid 19. Me losing him makes it sound like I was somehow involved in it or that I could not have "lost" him.

Anyway thats how I think as was sat here crying and thinking about the funeral ( I don't want to go to and I'm anxiously waiting for my neighbour to return home as my bored 10 year old just sat in my car listening to the radio and now the car won't start and I have a 3 hr journey to get to the funeral early tomorrow morning and I'm panicking. )

Anyway, wierd that I was thinking about it all when this thread popped up.

Passed away is okay but just passed is crap. Dumbing down. Trying to sound modern. Whatever it is it is horrible.

We have a beautiful language and it is being bastardised and that is upsetting.

Somethink ffs. At least auto correct hasn't accepted it.

@FamilyOfAliens I can use the words I feel comfortable with when I grieve - if that is he died or he passed away, that is my choice. So I can write what I like in my post and you can use the words you like to use - thats the point Im making. Just because I use the words doesn't mean I expect others to use the same words when they grieve or want to ban them from using those words.

The OP I think was talking societally, I think those of us who have talked about preference for ‘lost’ or ‘passed away’ may have felt a bit taken aback by some other posts though. Pathetic? Lack of resilience? Maybe. But I’d take that over a lack of empathy.

Also, just because I say that about my situation/ loved one, doesn’t mean that I think police /HCPs should.

We are not stupid, just grieving. All differently presumably.

I personally also believe we have to change our attitude to dying. I can say the word, am not afraid myself, but when it comes to my Mum It’s just different. A loss, to me, and a profound one, nothing like a bunch of keys FGS. Some people think they are so bloody clever.

Whoever is most affected by the death gets to choose how they want to describe it The OP herself acknowledges that, she is mostly referring to the term being used on the media.

The trouble with euphemisms is that we end up needing euphemisms for euphemisms.

From pathos to bathos, I worked in an old people's home in Canada and instead of toilet, the word was bathroom, except that bathroom then also needed a euphemism, so we had to say BR.

Flirty girl my post isn’t aimed at you. You are as entitled to your language as I am to mine.

Classic Cola I like you

I have been around lots of death recently and I use all terminology: death/died, for my own slose relative's deaths (the ones closest to me) but if I'm referring to someone else's close relatives, I'll often used passed away.

There is nothing intrinsically better about saying death/died than passed, and if it upsets or seems too harsh for others, then I'd rather err on the side of caution and change my language according to what they say. If you talk about death quite a lot, then more than one term can be handy.

It always suggest a person of evangelical or born again convictions to me, and I back off run a mile. What's wrong with the straight truth? my [insert relationship] died.

@flirtygirl That's how i feel about my Dad too.

I pass wind. I pass the salt. I will not pass over

billandbeninsanfrancisco
Thanks but I didn't think it was aimed at me.

It's an interesting discussion even at this (for me) present time.
I wish people were more open.

But everyone grieves differently, we all have different ways and words and customs. That all fine as that person and family/ friends have to get through grief.

To those saying that this thread is in bad taste, I don't think it is but I know that others grieving may think that it is. This is just another way showing how different we all are and that we need to take our cues from the bereaved.

In fact if I cast my mind back to childhood, things didn’t die. They broke, or broke down or went on the blink or stopped working.

And sometimes they were repaired and started working again (showing my age there).

sorry for your loss, hope you are getting through it.

antipodalpizza
sorry for your loss, hope you are getting through it.

YANBU 'passed' is cringey

And yes re 'bathroom' like Americans saying their dog has gone to the bathroom all over the sears in their car.

I dont like euphemisms for death. Death isn't a dirty word. Also, it's part of the life cycle. I understand others are uncomfortable and I'd never say anything about their choice of words. But i always use the word death. Doctors, in training, are also taught to avoid euphemisms when discussing death with patients and family members. Which I agree with

The morgue at the hospital I worked was Rose Cottage too. Things that are lost are down the back of the sofa! I use 'dead' in relation to my parents. Or 'shuffled'

"Shuffled" is from Shakespeare, as in "Shuffled off this mortal coil".

I actually quite like the ''guests' in the mortuary: it has a sense of humour about it

I don't like saying my Dad is dead because it's very upsetting. Saying he passed away is a more bearable way to phrase it.

Where I work referring to those that have died has to come up a lot and we would write: person’s name, RIP.
Which is our respectful shorthand within work.

But I suppose in daily life I find ‘pass’ rather overly tiptoeing around the situation, but I’d never comment on it. I guess people cope with things however they must which is obviously fine. Does seem a bit of a current trend though.