AIBU to not want to get my son any kind of games consul when hes older?

[1Micem0use]

I've seen how damaging they are, and really dont want him to end up a gamer. I've got two male relatives in their late 30s who spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. It's not an exaggeration to say they are obsessed, and their life revolves around it.
I had a boyfriend back at university who was a gamer too. Whilst thankfully he did have a few other hobbies, he also gamed for hours on end. He would shout abuse down his headset to other players on his team when he felt they weren't doing well. To the point where he was warned about being taken off the team by its leader.
I want my little boy to grow up to be happy, healthy, and nice to others.
My gamer relatives tell me it would basically be child abuse not to buy him a console, and that children have them from primary school now.

While I don’t think you can stop him altogether, you can absolutely defer the age he gets into it. I find it awfully sad to see eight and nine year olds attached to consoles. Once you give it to them, it is very difficult to control the amount of time they spend on it, not least because it is easy for us, as parents, to agree to the kids being kept occupied by them when it suits us.

Far better and healthier to bounce around on a trampoline, do art, read or play with non electronic toys.

When he gets older, I don’t see his you can really prevent it bar banning them which will probably backfire. The best thing would be to get him involved in a good activity that requires time to practice.

I totally agree @Grimmsfairytales this is a very big sticking point for us.

I really don't understand why so many MNers think that it's a choice between being a slobby, inactive gamer shouting through your headset and ignoring your family or an active, outdoorsy, engaged person who interacts with family and friends. It's just a bunch of ridiculous stereotypes!

Dh and I have had consoles since before we had dc. We all use the console. We are all also outdoorsy types with plenty of other interests, big readers, sociable people, spend lots of time doing family stuff (including on the console together). Dh and ds in particular spend lots of time chatting to each other about games they both play on the console. It's a great source of fun for everyone.

People who are slobby, selfish, shouty gamers are like that because they are slobby, selfish, shouty people. And children only spend too much time on the console if they are allowed to due to poor parenting.

I really don't understand why so many MNers think that it's a choice between being a slobby, inactive gamer shouting through your headset and ignoring your family or an active, outdoorsy, engaged person who interacts with family and friends. It's just a bunch of ridiculous stereotypes!

Well that's Mumsnetters for you, they all just love their stereotypes

Love how @1Micem0use creates a judgmental thread about how awful gamers are and names sweeping generalisations bashing them but then gets all defensive when she is called out on it. So, OP why are you able to bash a group of people but others can't?

I cant remember ever not having a games console in the house (my parents used to play old Ataris and alike from time to time).

I gamed a lot as a kid, starting with the sorts of puzzle games that my mum enjoyed, then fairly standard games on the megadrive, playstation and alike when they came out.

I probably played some sort of game most days, but still enjoyed imagination-based play as a younger kid and sports as I grew older. Gaming was definitely also a significant feature a teenage socializing though.

I was always an extremely high achiever and, outside of general puzzle-solving skills, I was surprised how often things I learned in games came up in school. I remember being asked as a class if we knew the meaning of a certain word, and the teacher being shocked when I both defined the word and was able to provide its Ancient Greek etymology.

I'm now work in a profession that I never would have entertained had I not played a game that sparked my interest in the subject.

I still play games most nights with my DP, as a fun, shared activity, and play a few casual games online with my grandmother (who lives is another country).

I probably played more than a lot of mumsnet parents would be happy with, but gaming has always been a positive influence in my life.

Caveat that some games are undoubtedly more beneficial than others, and some can obviously be addictive in a way that some people struggle with.

So No gaming but happy to waste a few hours and brain cells on MN.

Right oh but come back in a few years when your child is older and you are not his main source of interaction with the world at large.

If it’s a hill you’d die on, ensure he gets into other things. DS and his peers, 20 now, have never been into gaming. He couldn’t tell you who of his friends has one- he and his cousin got set up for lockdown then CBA to play. As a cohort though they’re very into sports and when younger music- so their time was spent competing and at music camps. DS has probably spent less than an hour/week on his consul; he wouldn’t have dreamt of taking it to University. Does your partner play?

My eldest is turning 12 and we chose to get an xbox due to lockdown. He is now playing online with friends he hasnt spoken to in weeks. It's nice.

And I discovered a game called overcooked. Iv been playing it with my 7 and 9 year old. Lovely to spend some time with them doing something they really want to do

And I discovered a game called overcooked. Iv been playing it with my 7 and 9 year old. Lovely to spend some time with them doing something they really want to do
DP and I play that, and dusted it off yesterday to play online with some friends abroad.

Its so much more fun engaging in an activity that encourages teamwork and communication than sitting watching tv or a movie.

Novels were not recommended once upon a time, due to their detrimental effect on young women. No.self respecting male would read one.

For those with Switches, Heave-Ho is a brilliantly fun game to all play together. DH and I were in fits of laughter playing it!

I felt the same with my son tbh .

He got one when he 2 years ago when he was 10 and it was kept in the living room so we could monitor the amount time he spent on it .

With him now being 12 we bought him a television and the Xbox is now in his bedroom. We still monitor he time he is on it and the games that he plays

Like others have said it’s a great way of keeping in contact with friends too and been a god send under the current circumstances

We are lucky that he plays/ trains football 4 times a week so does not give him loads of time on it.

No Xbox or PlayStation here. No problem. Teen ds does play games on his PC with friends but he needs that fit homework anyway, so would be hard to curtail.

So reading these posts I'm thinking if you can't beat em join em. Maybe that will get me over my aversion.

I can't play those first person things as they make me feel sick. What's good for the switch? We've had one a year and it's never been used.

Ones got a VR, he never uses that, it's horrible. Makes me so anxious, I don't think it can be good for you.

@feelingfragile

Overcooked 1 and 2 are great family games that are available on the Switch, simple but fast paced and require teamwork.

It's certainly worth a try. You can always change your mind. We did not have games consoles when we were growing up and we survived. I would also not allow a television in his room as people get addicted to that as well with all this "binge" and "box set" watching now. If he wants to watch TV or socialise he can do it in the family area, his room is for sleeping

I'm also just going to recommend Ni No Kuni to any console players who have the time to sink into a longer, family-friendly story based game.

Beautiful Japanese animation mixed with strong welsh accents

Thankyou @Wendigogo

@greyExpectations some people have really poor reading and comprehension skills. It's not a gamer bashing thread! It's a gaming can be really addictive and I'd rather not encourage it as a hobby thread. Other people who have lived with alcohol addicts might feel the same way about having any alcohol in the house when their children are growing up. It might sound melodramatic to some, sure, but those people seem to have been fortunate enough not to know anyone who lives at their computer desk

@BubblyBarbara I like the bedroom is for sleeping concept. On a slightly unrelated note I've heard doing that helps prevent insomnia

After reading everything I've come to the following conclusions.
If my child absolutely wants an xbox/gaming PC/ switch/playstation then I will delay until they start secondary school.
Said device will live in the living room.
There will be limited time use.
If there is raging/swearing/unsportsmanly behavior it gets taken away for set period of time, and earned back.
Lots of alternatives will be offered.

Great, just see if you still hold to that in 10-15 years time.

@1Micem0use - I would just relax and wait and see. Ds has had an xBox since he was about 10 possibly a bit younger - can't remember - plays it for relaxation at times , but that has been in between school work , University work etc etc. I personally can't see the attraction but he does not do it to the point of obsession
Honestly I would not worry too much. Not all children , whether male or female , play these things to obsessional levels. It might feel like it - but then - DS's used to be in the main living room , now in his bedroom - it's one of varied things he does to relax .

I really would say this is a thing which probably isn't going to be a problem and a bridge you cross when you get to it. As a baby - it is not really a problem just yet. If you would like me to churn out some more cliches I am sure I could

All best