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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to get my son any kind of games consul when hes older?

255 replies

1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 10:23

I've seen how damaging they are, and really dont want him to end up a gamer. I've got two male relatives in their late 30s who spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. It's not an exaggeration to say they are obsessed, and their life revolves around it.
I had a boyfriend back at university who was a gamer too. Whilst thankfully he did have a few other hobbies, he also gamed for hours on end. He would shout abuse down his headset to other players on his team when he felt they weren't doing well. To the point where he was warned about being taken off the team by its leader.
I want my little boy to grow up to be happy, healthy, and nice to others.
My gamer relatives tell me it would basically be child abuse not to buy him a console, and that children have them from primary school now.

OP posts:
MrsRogerLima · 17/05/2020 10:47

The key is age appropriate gaming. My DC age 7 has approved games on the desktop which is locked down tight with parental controls.

The games he is allowed to play are;

The Sims
Planet Zoo
Lego Star wars/Batman/Indiana Jones/Lego movie game.
Train Set
Night Zookeeper (also educational)
Cbeebies online
Mathletics

He is happy with this. Until he is in senior school he will not have a console that he can speak to other players online on and then it will be when I consider him responsible enough.

He will also only ever be allowed games with the appropriate age rating and the rule we have decided is that his dad will generally play them first before agreeing when we get to 15 rated games and above.

I also help him to self regulate his time gaming via a reward system where he can earn up to an hour a day (increased to two during this shit lockdown) by doing other things like his schoolwork and a few chores and displaying kind behaviour towards his brother.

ThinkPink71 · 17/05/2020 10:49

I get where you are coming from...I have two friends both with the same age kids (4). One spends all day on his ipad playing his games...the other has never been on one and plays with his toys like a 'normal' child.

The one who plays with toys is better behaved, less sulky, more active and just pleasant to be around...however hardwork in terms of he doesnt really play by himself.

The one who sits on his ipad....wont go anywhere with his parents, just wants to sit on the sofa or in his room all day playing by himself and as a result has the shallow eyed look. But easy to get stuff done around him as hes happy to play alone.

Personally I prefer the no ipad/console approrach. I understand they will play at their friends house I just cba with a kid that sits glued to a computer all day.

Francesthemute · 17/05/2020 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 17/05/2020 10:49

Ds would drop the controls if there was a chance to see people for real but during lock down he has spent hours online playing and chatting with his school friends while we work. It's been great that he's getting social contact.

Macncheeseballs · 17/05/2020 10:51

I'm aware gaming has its benefits, but I despair about the sedentary lifestyle it promotes in kids, and am sick of battling its addictive allure and having to moderate its use

MouthBreathingRage · 17/05/2020 10:51

Gaming is a complete waste of time and a brain-rotter.

According to who? I assume you don't have a TV, or a computer or phone either, as staring at a screen is a 'brain rotter'.

Video games are like any other media. As a parent it's up to you to decide what is appropriate, but there's no point 'banning' them all together. Even phones have games on them these days, not like the days of Snake in the past - I can put Grand Theft Auto on mine if I choose to do so.

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 10:54

Sorry if drip feeding! I'm in my late twenties, so it's not that I dont understand what games are available. I used to play the sims, crash bandicoot, and spyro as a kid. I've played a bit of smash bros with friends as an adult round friends houses. Generally speaking gaming addiction/obsessiveness seems to affect boys and men. I feel a responsibility to make sure my child grows up healthy, happy, and well rounded. Not glued to a screen, and 'flaming' people.
If I did go down the route of buying him a consul and age appropriate games I would also limit the amount of time he could play on them, and encourage sports, drama, reading, arts and crafts, cooking, gardening, and music.
Having lived with people who I would honestly describe as addicted to gaming I really dont want that for my son.
Hes too young right now, but perhaps this lockdown has given me more time than usual to think about the future.
It seems to be given that all children absolutely must have games and games consuls, else face social isolation, and bullying, but it got me thinking does it actually have to be that way?
Theres also my personal opinion that it's sad as fuck for grown adults to be so obsessed with playing games that they would ignore a beautiful sunny day, shut all the curtains, and fester for hours.

OP posts:
Lweji · 17/05/2020 10:56

It's just as much a waste of time as most hobbies.
All in good measure.
If people get pleasure from them, and are not addicted, no activity is intrinsically better than another.

TooLittleTooLate80 · 17/05/2020 10:56

My son games quite a bit and its been an amazing way of keeping in contact with a few friends during lockdown and a lad from the other end of the country who he met on holiday last year. He doesn't play anything age innappropriate.

It's like any hobby IMO, do you research into it, take an interest in it and make sure he isn't doing anything he shouldn't or in't ready for.

GrimmsFairytales · 17/05/2020 10:57

If I did go down the route of buying him a consul and age appropriate games I would also limit the amount of time he could play on them, and encourage sports, drama, reading, arts and crafts, cooking, gardening, and music.

That is a much more balanced approach. Everything in moderation is a much better idea than banning consoles outright, as that just makes them more desirable.

Lweji · 17/05/2020 10:58

As you've made the same typo twice, it's console, for games.
A consul is a diplomat or a magistrate in ancient Rome.

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 10:58

@Francesthemute that's great. I'm glad your kids have gaming as a small part of their lives. As a game. That's fine, games are fine in moderation. Its just theres a huge problem with it becoming an obsession.

OP posts:
TooLittleTooLate80 · 17/05/2020 10:58

Theres also my personal opinion that it's sad as fuck for grown adults to be so obsessed with playing games that they would ignore a beautiful sunny day, shut all the curtains, and fester for hours.

But you said yourself you played games and presumably aren't like that now?

Drbrowns · 17/05/2020 10:59

I feel the exact same way about my 5yo ds. I see how grumpy he gets if he watches too much tv, so I can just imagine what he would be like with games consul.

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 11:00

So I have! Haha just goes to show that even as a former english teacher, and published journalist, nobody is immune to spelling mistakes! Thank you @Lweji

OP posts:
ScarfLadysBag · 17/05/2020 11:00

Ahhh and there it is. I think it's 'sad as fuck' to come and write tripe on MN about what other people do. It's inevitably people who don't actually have an understanding of gaming who write nonsense about it. People fear what they don't understand, etc. You do what's right for you but don't claim you're on some moral high ground because of it Confused

Now, off to play a game with my husband as DD is napping Grin

MouthBreathingRage · 17/05/2020 11:00

Theres also my personal opinion that it's sad as fuck for grown adults to be so obsessed with playing games that they would ignore a beautiful sunny day, shut all the curtains, and fester for hours.

Most adults don't behave like that though Hmm. Though, as long as they don't have other responsibilities, what the hell does it matter to you what they do with their free time? Not everyone enjoys a long walk in the bloody sun, some would rather play an immersive story indoors, much like reading a book in the park.

ScarfLadysBag · 17/05/2020 11:01

Also on a nice day I sometimes play my Switch in the garden, best of both worlds Grin

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 11:01

Yes, @TooLittleTooLate80 but like I said the addiction/obsession problem seems to predominantly affect boys. Girls and women seem able to game in moderation and socially. Generally speaking

OP posts:
MamaGee09 · 17/05/2020 11:02

My son is 18 and is a gamer, he is “happy healthy and nice to others”!

I just love parents who say in the future I’m not going to do ....... my son won’t be doing this.... my daughter won’t have one of these.....

Good luck for when you have teenagers!

GrimmsFairytales · 17/05/2020 11:03

Its just theres a huge problem with it becoming an obsession.

You seem to have an obsession with it becoming an obsession. Confused

If at some point in the future your DS is spending too much time on a console then you can deal with it. Setting out by thinking it's definitely going to be a problem could just end up being a self fulfilling prophecy.

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 11:03

No, but I have relatives who are like that. Its worrying. They are really sedentary, spend hours and hours gaming, and get into absolute rages if they have a bad game.

OP posts:
MarieQueenofScots · 17/05/2020 11:05

The key is moderation as with everything.

DD has had unfettered access to consoles/tech. She manages her time fully, spends plenty of time meeting friends (although this is all done online at the mo!) playing sports, reading.

Games aren’t the problem. Anyone who uses their hobby to check out of family life is a problem.

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 11:05

It's not an obsession, it's an observation that has led to a worry. Have you ever lived with gaming addicts? Not people who enjoy playing a game for a few hours a day, but people who live at their computer desk @GrimmsFairytales

OP posts:
Francesthemute · 17/05/2020 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.