AIBU to not want to get my son any kind of games consul when hes older?

[1Micem0use]

I've seen how damaging they are, and really dont want him to end up a gamer. I've got two male relatives in their late 30s who spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. It's not an exaggeration to say they are obsessed, and their life revolves around it.
I had a boyfriend back at university who was a gamer too. Whilst thankfully he did have a few other hobbies, he also gamed for hours on end. He would shout abuse down his headset to other players on his team when he felt they weren't doing well. To the point where he was warned about being taken off the team by its leader.
I want my little boy to grow up to be happy, healthy, and nice to others.
My gamer relatives tell me it would basically be child abuse not to buy him a console, and that children have them from primary school now.

I have gamed for forty years, went to a red brick uni and had a good final salary pension job. I game a lot in lockdown. My clan leader is a woman and I have the most raid clears out of 300 people in my clan. Okay I’m retired so I have more time now. But in all those years I have ranted down the mic twice, once when a lad was being teased for being colour blind and once when a guy in my team was talking in the vilest manner possible about women.

You had a selfish immature twat issue with your Bf and also your relatives, if they were not obsessed by gaming they would have probably been selfish golf, cycling, Pokemon go, running pricks instead.

On the other hand I’m struggling to see how the benefits of playing games all night surpass the benefits of not doing that and instead going out to clubs that match your child’s interests (sports or otherwise

I didn't see any comment suggesting anyone should "play games all night"

On the other hand I’m struggling to see how the benefits of playing games all night

Who said it would be all night? Keep it out of their room and there won't be an issue with this.

Don't do it, my husband bought them for our kids against my wishes, quoting the stuff a lot of people on here are saying.

They're awful. The cause of so much tension, completely addictive. I honestly feel like they restrict development in lots of areas. If I had my way I would bin them. But I can't because I'm already the evil woman who tries to put boundaries in place but I'm the lone voice in the household.

I'm still so angry with him for bringing them into the house but there's nothing I can do about it.

We have ours in the spare room, they ask if they can play, we say yes or no and give an alloted amount of time, at 7pm every night the control pads are handed to me, I give them back the next day when I have decided they can play again.

I largely agree. DS is only nearly 3, but I am just not a fan. He has a lot of cousins, some older so he will have the opportunity to play them at their house but I plan to keep them out of our home for as long as possible.

He doesnt have a tablet for example and I am planning to continue that for some time too.

My 8yo has an Xbox I didn’t want him to
He didn’t have a tablet until he was 7 as he’s the type that gets obsessive over screens and I didn’t want the constant aggro
I would have left him longer but at 8 he was already the only one out of his peer group without one
It is carefully controlled and luckily he is still so obsessed with sport he accepts the need for balance And it’s not so far an issue

@SleepingStandingUp you're being very defensive! I never criticised anyone else's parenting choices! I'm trying to make my own. I feel that the potential negatives of games consoles could far outweigh the potential positives. I'm considering not buying him a games console, and encouraging/facilliatating what I consider to be healthier alternatives. I'm open to considering buying one, but heavily limiting and monitoring use.

YANBU at all. Gaming is a complete waste of time and a brain-rotter.

You'll get people telling you that it teaches you "skills". No. Team sport, craft hobbies, group tasks teach you skills. Not vegetating in your own sweat controlling a moronic character on a screen.

Maybe if you logged off MN and watered some virtual flowers in Animal Crossing you'd be less of a miserable wretch? Just a thought.

feelingfragile

You can do something about it. There's a difference between can't, and not wanting to. I understand it will probably cause tantrums if you get rid of them, but that doesn't stop it being possible to do.

@Tiredtiredtired100 some of us just like engaging with technology. Fine if you don't. You're allowed your opinion as I'm allowed mine.

My 11 year olds are currently playing Fortnite online with a couple of schoolfriends. They are playing a LOT more than is normally allowed...because they're not spending 7 hours a day five days a week outside of the house and with said friends. They'll happily get off when it's time, and have other interests. Having a balance is important. If they started getting ratty about not playing, that's when stricter curfews come into play.

PS - every console has the capacity to set time limits and game restrictions. This is what I mean when I say as a parent it's important to know what's going on, particularly as you say my life would be easier without having to constantly police usage to prevent gaming addiction. And scrolling back I agree with this:

I'm not saying buy an xbox, not every kid wants one for a start and you're allowed to make the best parenting decisions as you see them but to outright ban any legal activity because someone you know doesn't use it in a healthy way is lazy and bad parenting

Also my DS may only be a baby, but already I see babies in prams clutching iPads playing games, and I think (whilst not judging) bloody hell that's not what I want for my son. Hes got pram attachment soft books, toys, dangly ribbons. He can look out at the world around him.

and I think (whilst not judging) bloody hell that's not what I want for my son.

Of course you're judging them. You may deny it, but you don't approve of their parenting choices.

I am amused by all the parents of babies and toddlers who have such strong views. It's like all those parents that insist only wooden toys are going to be played with by little precious.

You might change as your child gets older, especially as technology changes and evolves. I mean you might not of course. My kids all use tablets in school for example. It's not just watching The Magic Pencil anymore!

Another gamer bashing thread? Can we not stick to bashing teachers?

I bought my ds a games console at the beginning of this year. He will be 12 this year. He managed fine without one through primary school but I think now he is older it helps him with socialising. Kids his age like to play with each other online and communicate with each other through consoles. Also at school it is something they can chat about.

So far I have found the concole to be a positive thing. Especially during lockdown.

@Pika09 sorry! I am one. Bash teachers elsewhere hehe

I do understand your sentiment, I kept my dd screen free as much as possible and I value being in nature, with people, with animals, etc far more. I only have one child and I have a head overflowing with ideas for how I'd like her life to be.

As a young teenager myself, I spent a lot of time on consoles, as did a lot of my friends. We communicated that way. When I got older, I lied about where I was going, went out drinking, clubbing and taking drugs. I'm far more concerned about what my dd might be doing when she's not sat on a console, in her room!

@peanutsandcream waiting until secondary is something I'll seriously consider

Thing is, those babies with iPads are learning essential modern life skills your kid isn’t.

Technology is a helper not a devil but like anything else it’s up to you as a parent to teach your child to use it appropriately.

What happens otherwise is the equivalent of the kid who doesn’t get sugar and goes bananas the first birthday party they’re left on their own at, except with more risk.

sorry! I am one. Bash teachers elsewhere hehe

So it's ok for you to make negative generalisations about a group of people, but when you're included in that group of people, it's not ok?

As a young teenager myself, I spent a lot of time on consoles, as did a lot of my friends. We communicated that way. When I got older, I lied about where I was going, went out drinking, clubbing and taking drugs. I'm far more concerned about what my dd might be doing when she's not sat on a console, in her room!

^ this with knobs on!

Had this conversation with DH for some time. He said screen time is inevitable especially the older DC get and whilst watching crap on tv is bad, having a phone and being on the internet is damaging, gaming is good for the brain (not sure if he's justifying himself still playing games) and that I should allow it. Given that the games they are playing is age appropriate and DC will ask me because "their friends have it" I guess I'll agree then, but I wouldn't go out my way to buy it them until they ask.

@Grimmsfairytales

Believe me, I do. It's constant. My youngest hasn't spoken to to me for two hours because I asked him to not play on his games all day and to clean his room with me. It escalated into him calling me names and me removing the console from his room.

That's the level it has to get to in order for them to come off their games. Every time.

If they're in their rooms (they're 15 with SEND and 16) they cannot resist playing on them.

I absolutely hate them because of this and if I had my time again, they'd have one in the lounge that they could both play on rather than one each in their rooms.

They were ten when they got them by the way.

There's been a spate of threads like this recently, and the OP's child is always still a baby. Life is easy when you have an infant that's kept busy by their own hands!