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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to get my son any kind of games consul when hes older?

255 replies

1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 10:23

I've seen how damaging they are, and really dont want him to end up a gamer. I've got two male relatives in their late 30s who spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. It's not an exaggeration to say they are obsessed, and their life revolves around it.
I had a boyfriend back at university who was a gamer too. Whilst thankfully he did have a few other hobbies, he also gamed for hours on end. He would shout abuse down his headset to other players on his team when he felt they weren't doing well. To the point where he was warned about being taken off the team by its leader.
I want my little boy to grow up to be happy, healthy, and nice to others.
My gamer relatives tell me it would basically be child abuse not to buy him a console, and that children have them from primary school now.

OP posts:
Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 13:27

@Bluntness100 my life would be easier without having to constantly police usage to prevent gaming addiction. Might sound melodramatic, but I really really dont want them to end up like my relatives. They even eat at their computer desks. Usually microwave meals that they can scarf down quickly, more time for gaming see.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 17/05/2020 13:29

Result was they did other, more creative, things with their time, got top marks at school, played plenty of sport and spent lots of time with friends. And we never had to quarrel about time spent on gaming

Well so did mine, popular at school. Good social life, straight a student, first class law Degree and now a trainee commercial lawyer. And she still games. We never quaralled about time spent on it.

What’s your point? Are you seriously suggesting kids that game will fail at school, not play sport or not have mates or something? Or your kids are only as they are because you didnt buy them games consoles? Because you must know that’s batshit.Right?

Olliephaunt4eyes · 17/05/2020 13:29

I don't know if this helps, but if you don't have a console, he can still get into PC games. I think the issue isn't the gaming - it's finding a balance between screens and real life and that's just part of modern life.

MarieQueenofScots · 17/05/2020 13:31

Result was they did other, more creative, things with their time, got top marks at school, played plenty of sport and spent lots of time with friends. And we never had to quarrel about time spent on gaming

It’s such a binary train of thought that it’s either productive member of society or reclusive stereotypical “gamer”.

My daughter games, she also does all you mentioned in your post. We’ve got to almost 14 without a single argument so far 😉

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 13:31

Two of the best parents I know home educate, run a hiking tour business, and encourage their children to spend lots of time barefoot in their garden. Theres 101 different ways to parent. And it's good to discuss all the different ways. It's not always what everyone else is doing.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 17/05/2020 13:31

Kids today are told they play too many games.I was told I was watching too much TV.My father was told he was listening to records too much.His father was told he alway had his head in a bloody book

This.

I think the issue isn't the gaming - it's finding a balance between screens and real life and that's just part of modern life.

And this, with bells on.

heartsonacake · 17/05/2020 13:32

You would be doing your kid a disservice, OP, because you wouldn’t be teaching them how to use something in moderation. There are also lots of important skills to be gained from computer games.

So I actually think it’s really poor parenting on your part for the sake of convenience.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/05/2020 13:33

I won't buy DS a game console, he'll become an angry lazy games.
No ballet or gymnastics classes, he'll develop an eating disorder.
No football matches, he'll get addicted to drugs
No TV and esp YouTube, he'll become a screen zombie
I won't allow him alcohol whilst living under my, but he'll become an alcoholic nor for his partner to over, and no matter the age, he'll become a sex addict
No superhero comics, he'll become a need who never moves out or gets a gf
No driving lessons, he'll a better boy racer
No cake, sweets, chocolate, he'll become addicted and obese

What IS permissable op?

I'm not saying buy an xbox, not every kid wants one for a start and you're allowed to make the best parenting decisions as you see them but to outright ban any legal activity because someone you know doesn't use it in a healthy way is lazy and bad parenting.

highmarkingsnowmobile · 17/05/2020 13:33

I really wish my son could enjoy gaming normally because our whole household has to ban them due to his addiction. But there are a lot of things we've had to modify due to his issues. Again, with DD it's no trouble at all.

GrimmsFairytales · 17/05/2020 13:33

Theres 101 different ways to parent. And it's good to discuss all the different ways.

I agree. However, you're not really discussing the issue. You've decided that your baby will never be allowed a console.

4Smalls · 17/05/2020 13:34

Bluntness100 No, that's not my point. My point is that the OP should stick to her guns if she feels she does not want a games console for her child. I agree with her for all the reasons she's given. And it worked out well for us.

SudokuBook · 17/05/2020 13:34

Hahahaha hope you can stick to it when he’s older and that’s all he asks for for Christmas

I don’t doubt gaming addiction is a real thing and I agree grown people playing games all day every day in a darkened room to the expense of anything else is pathetic but there’s no reason your son can’t have a games console and still end up a decent and balanced human being with other interests too

Namechanger4dis · 17/05/2020 13:35

Threads like this always astonish me. Are you so melodramatic about other areas of your life OP?

Perhaps I should pass comments about gaming being a waste of time and damaging to people’s physiological development to the hundreds of gamers I work with. We work for a globally market leading technology company and all these gamers are big earners who get to travel the world. Gaming got them into coding and the rest is history.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/05/2020 13:36

my life would be easier without having to constantly police usage"but unless you are dob gentle or permissive parenting, this is life with kids. I" police" how much screen time he, and how much treats he gets but also how much time he spend alone in his room reading, by which I mean I put in healthy boundaries, I put in consequences and alternatives and choices, and I don't just withhold anything that they might not be able to have unlimited access to to make my life easier

4Smalls · 17/05/2020 13:38

*You would be doing your kid a disservice, OP, because you wouldn’t be teaching them how to use something in moderation. There are also lots of important skills to be gained from computer games.

So I actually think it’s really poor parenting on your part for the sake of convenience.*

Disagree. Parents say the same thing about drinking - important to learn at home so they learn moderation. Nope.
And there are zero 'important skills to be gained from computer games' that can't be learned elsewhere.

OhioOhioOhio · 17/05/2020 13:38

I feel the same way too op. My marriage ended because of them

Tiredtiredtired100 · 17/05/2020 13:39

I don’t even own a TV and people think that’s outrageous because how could a toddler cope (or a parent of one) without peppa pig to entertain them? You do you, your son may not like it but he can get a console with his own money when he leaves home if he wants one. Until then he can be sociable in real life and keep going to sports/clubs in order to maintain friendships.

GrimmsFairytales · 17/05/2020 13:42

Until then he can be sociable in real life and keep going to sports/clubs in order to maintain friendships.

But this isn't possible at the minute. Confused

SleepingStandingUp · 17/05/2020 13:43

Until then he can be sociable in real life and keep going to sports/clubs in order to maintain friendships.
But what about all the sportsmen who abuse drugs, philander, abuse alcohol. If op H er son do team sports, he might grow up like them. Or he might to play football when he needs to do homework and then she's have to control his access to that instead

Tiredtiredtired100 · 17/05/2020 13:45

@SleepingStandingUp you’re missing the point here, surely the OP knows her son will play games at other people’s houses but having a console in the house or not is entirely her choice. It’s just the same as parents who choose not to have a swing set in the garden because they don’t want one, vs parents who think they’re the bees knees. No child is going to be incapable of using technology just because they don’t have a console in the house. They can get one when they’re older if that’s what they want.

Time2change2 · 17/05/2020 13:47

It’s so very hard. I have two boys ages 8 and 9. They asked for a gaming console at age 6 because so many friends had them and talked about the games a lot. They went to friends houses and played the games there. I gave in age 7 and bought some age appropriate games. I should add that both myself and husband very much enjoyed video games as kids (on spectrums and amstrads!).
We are strict about the time they are allowed to play, at the moment during lockdown it’s not until 5pm. They have to do school work, online clubs, walk / bike ride and at the end of this they usually get their screen time whilst dinner is cooking and I am having a cup of tea. It’s usually for 1 or 1.5 hours. They are not allowed on any other times.
It’s a real double edged sword. They love it and often play games together but I can see one boy in particular has the potential to get obsessed. They often talk about games when out on walks, seem to constantly think about them and when they will next be able to play. It is an addiction for some. Some kids will get drawn in far more than others
Only one or 2 boys in their class now don’t have a games console. I expect this will be 0 by the end of primary. You really have to weigh up if you want your child to not be able to join in the conversations with most of the other boys as he grows up. Of course it’s up to you entirely, but the reality is that almost certainly they will feel left out and excluded. It’s really difficult and I totally get your dilemma

rabbitheadlights · 17/05/2020 13:47

I've just bought my ds7 his first one, I held out to 10 with his older brother and the truth is ds10 is actually a bit of an outsider at school has little in common with peers. I don't think this is solely down to not having a console and is probably his personality to some extent, but I do think it's had some bearing.

Tiredtiredtired100 · 17/05/2020 13:49

@SleepingStandingUp we crossed posts there so in answer to your reply to me. That’s the job of being a parent, watching out for your children and guiding them but also accepting that they make mistakes and bad choices sometimes. Overall the health benefits of sport far surpass the risks of becoming a drug addict (and to be honest I don’t even believe sports are the route into drugs for most people). On the other hand I’m struggling to see how the benefits of playing games all night surpass the benefits of not doing that and instead going out to clubs that match your child’s interests (sports or otherwise).

BadLad · 17/05/2020 13:51

@FabbyChix he got 10 A* A'Levels?

Now that is impressive.

TerrorWig · 17/05/2020 13:59

My mum used to tell me off for reading all my library books too fast and not tidying my room. Anything can be escapism and can be obsessed over. It's your job as a parent to not let it get to that level, allow healthy amounts of time playing and make sure you know what is going on. I think we all agree we wouldn't just hand a Stephen King novel to an 8 year old, or allow them to watch Hellraiser, so it's up to you to understand it. This goes double for games with an online capability.

There's a proper snobbery around gaming which, as a gamer, I find really distasteful. Obsessive gaming is awful - obsessive most things is though.

Anyway, I'm away to play Sims so see ya!