AIBU to not want to get my son any kind of games consul when hes older?

[1Micem0use]

I've seen how damaging they are, and really dont want him to end up a gamer. I've got two male relatives in their late 30s who spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. It's not an exaggeration to say they are obsessed, and their life revolves around it.
I had a boyfriend back at university who was a gamer too. Whilst thankfully he did have a few other hobbies, he also gamed for hours on end. He would shout abuse down his headset to other players on his team when he felt they weren't doing well. To the point where he was warned about being taken off the team by its leader.
I want my little boy to grow up to be happy, healthy, and nice to others.
My gamer relatives tell me it would basically be child abuse not to buy him a console, and that children have them from primary school now.

I'm hoping he'll go play outside with his friends like a safe version of the gang of kids on stranger things, not stay inside crafting with me 24/7 hehe.

Your having a laugh to write that in the middle of a lockdown when we're all fecking grounded by Boris!

Only one or 2 boys in their class now don’t have a games console. I expect this will be 0 by the end of primary

Mine was one of them, xbox on its way. Xbox bundles have jumped up in price in the last two months. Apparently they and Switches were as scarce as loo roll and soap. So I'd strongly suspect that it will be 0 by the end off lockdown never mind Christmas.

I should add chatting to friends online has to be better than not at all.

Oh and Op you seem to think because your in your 20s your a first generation gamer. Actually the first generation who grew up with gaming will be the 50 somethings and possibly older if you count those who got Atari consoles in their teens.
My mother now 70s was partial to a game of Scrabble on my ZX Spectrum.

I would never allow a games console in the house because I have seen how addictive they are. The Xbox turned my brother into an arsehole, screaming down his microphone and being aggressive towards the rest of us for daring to also use the internet because it caused his game to ‘lag’. He preferred to stay up late on Call of Duty rather than sleep for school and ended up leaving without any qualifications.
I appreciate this was mainly a (lack of) parenting issue on behalf of our parents but the fact that it is very addictive and you’re always going to be fighting with your child over it.

I appreciate this was mainly a (lack of) parenting issue on behalf of our parents but the fact that it is very addictive and you’re always going to be fighting with your child over it.
Some games are very addictive and encourage competitiveness (which can manifest in anger, for some people).

On the other end of the scale are tranquil, relaxing games, or games where the whole experience, beginning to end, are only an hour or two long.

Blanket statements like 'gaming is very addictive' are ignorant.

He can play games without having a console. My ds has a laptop he uses for MineCraft, Terraria and RoBlox but also for school work.

important that he has hobbies too, face to face time with other kids - swimming lessons, karate, cycling.

Homework and exercise come before gaming. Just do your best when the time comes. Ignore your relatives.

I always limited screen time with mine but DS discovered Nintendo when he was about 6/7 and it’s been a love affair ever since. Games don’t have to be violent and not all gamers are lazy arseholes like your examples.

So you are going to hold off until he is in secondary school. Then if he still wants one it will be kept in the lounge with you looking over his shoulder and you dishing out gaming minutes at intervals set by you?

Great idea but you seem to forget that by secondary school age a child is being to gain independence, will have friends you don’t know, will go to the homes of friends that you have not met the parents to or know their policy on gaming. You child will be using a laptop for school work and most likely have a smart phone. You will have no idea what he is doing when you are not looking over his shoulder and he is not going to be discussing these topics with you if you have such a black and white outlook in real life.
Better to teach him everything is fine in moderation. Yes game if it interests him but also explore other interests.

Ours our age 14,19,11,8,5 and we’ve never had a console in the house. I’ve never said it’s evil or stopped them playing at friends’ houses, but I’ve never wanted to bring one here to waste the days.
It’s not been a massive issue, nor have they excessively played at other houses. Sometimes the boys (girls never have, not sure why- personalities?) have had periods of playing more with a friend, but it’s never been sustained.
DH and I grew up abroad with no access to gaming in countries were we didn’t hear of anyone gaming, so it just hasn’t really occurred to us. Few in our communities do.
Kids seem to be perfectly normal and were a happy family.
I don’t think there’s anything you have to do, if it’s not for you that leads to bullying/ being outcast/ consequences if you don’t buy in.

I presume mine have played on other devices to some extent, I haven’t really monitored it. But they haven’t been excessively staring at their phones beyond the usual

You know that most people play games and aren’t obsessed right? Get a Switch which is much more social and buy age appropriate games only. Limit game time - our DS is allowed game time on weekends only. Make sure they have lots of other activities.
Good luck with a ban.!

You sound like you’ve just had bad luck with people you know .
I am kind of a gamer , so is dd and so is ds and none of us play for more than an hour or so a day ,max !
My sil and dn also have every console going and they aren’t like you describe either .

@MarshaBradyo

So he games but because it’s not on a console it’s ok?!

Couldn’t make this shit up.

Anyway, I’m off to check turnip prices.

No one has to buy a console it’s not necessary. I don’t feel bad about it, he’s not left out and the other dc don’t want to join in.

I don’t see the issue if you do Terror I suggest you take that turnip walk. I cba with your input.

@TerrorWig Mine were over 500 the other day. Winning.

Don’t let him have one. Instead let him be the weird kid in class - that would be much better for him! Most of us go into parenthood radiating a rosy glow - then realise it’s better to go along with real life. There can be balance in everything.

Or you could try actual parenting, teach your child healthy boundary's and limit play time?

I don't get the negative stereotypes of gamers? My partner works in the gaming industry (and worked hard to get there!) and him and all his colleagues are some of the healthiest and hardworking people I know.

Let your kids choose or they will spite you.

Then realise it’s better to go along with real life. There can be balance in everything.

One of the best statements on here. Thank-you.

Amongst hundreds of batty comments. Op who has a baby making comments about how she dreams of raising him, being advised that a Switch would be better. Super by the time the kids 5 the Switch will be yesterday news.

The comments of gaming on laptops or tablets are fine because they need them for school. Oh and my child has hobbies too.

FFS, hobbies, HOBBIES, as if the children who game don't have hobbies karate and swimming, just super would you believe it.

I mean ordinarily my child might even chat to friends face to face could you believe it! And even go to school, Yes SCHOOL you know that big building at the end of the street. With the hundreds of other children. Just like kids have done since 1870.

But you know what, we are in 2020! Can you believe it, School is banned, hobbies, yes the mumsnet infamous hobbies are banned, Enid Blyton is spinning in her grave.

If Xbox live is where my sons pals are chatting then he might as well go along with real life and join them!

I needed that rant!

@TerrorWig 94 bells on my island today , what an insult !

"Oh and Op you seem to think because your in your 20s your a first generation gamer. "

Good point. People on MN seem to believe that video games were only invented ten years ago. My 65 year old parents told me that when they first got married in the 70s they treated themselves to Pong and their friends would come over to play on a Saturday night if they were too skint to go out! That sounds almost... social, doesn't it? 😱

(I got my first games console in 1993 and haven't looked back since. I've somehow managed to maintain friendships, relationships, go to college/ uni, and haven't been unemployed since I was a teenager.)

We play the Lego games on co-op with DS. You have to work together to play the game and complete objectives.

We both game though, so having our child not was never going to happen.

(And we do a lot of other things as well, not just gaming. I have a ridiculous amount of hobbies and interests, some of them even involve going outside.)

"Pong" on a Saturday night

That made me smile, I'd never heard of a dedicated Pong console. Google tells me it was the first in 1975. I was initially thinking the ZX Spectrum 48k was released in 1982, and their was a few versions before that too, inc the Atari with the wooden surround. I remember someone telling me they waited in a que for hours for it on launch day as a teenager.