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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to get my son any kind of games consul when hes older?

255 replies

1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 10:23

I've seen how damaging they are, and really dont want him to end up a gamer. I've got two male relatives in their late 30s who spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. It's not an exaggeration to say they are obsessed, and their life revolves around it.
I had a boyfriend back at university who was a gamer too. Whilst thankfully he did have a few other hobbies, he also gamed for hours on end. He would shout abuse down his headset to other players on his team when he felt they weren't doing well. To the point where he was warned about being taken off the team by its leader.
I want my little boy to grow up to be happy, healthy, and nice to others.
My gamer relatives tell me it would basically be child abuse not to buy him a console, and that children have them from primary school now.

OP posts:
GrimmsFairytales · 17/05/2020 14:32

if I had my time again, they'd have one in the lounge that they could both play on rather than one each in their rooms.

Even at 15 and 16 that's still an option. As is removing them completely and not returning them.

BarbedBloom · 17/05/2020 14:35

Well someone I know did this. First thing he bought on moving out was a games console. Same as a friend who wasn't allowed sweet stuff and now binges on it. Everything in life is about moderation. Those who are obsessed with games may well have found something else to obsess about. I am a gamer but am obsessed with plants and spend a lot of time on that.

My husband is also a gamer but does plenty around the house and we go out and do things. Both of us had unlimited time on consoles and watching tv growing up, but we are able to self regulate. Much of the time it isn't gaming that is the problem with these lazy men and women, just the excuse they use to opt out of family life.

The world has changed and much is now screen based. Better to teach regulation rather than banning it and making a child an outsider. I remember someone who wasn't allowed to watch tv as a teen and they felt so left out when everyone was talking about what they watched

Theeighthelephant · 17/05/2020 14:37

YANBU, buy him a decent gaming PC instead.

foamrolling · 17/05/2020 14:37

If I could give one bit of advice to people parenting small kids/babies, it would be don't make grand pronouncements about what your parenting will be like when they're older. Parenting is a long and winding road. You have absolutely no idea what is up ahead. Confidently stating what you will or won't be doing maybe 10 years from now is madness. Ruminate over it, sure. But keep it to yourself instead of announcing it to your family or on message boards.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/05/2020 14:52

@Tiredtiredtired100
You: but having a console in the house or not is entirely her choice.
Me, prior to your comment I'm not saying buy an xbox, not every kid wants one for a start and you're allowed to make the best parenting decisions as you see them

No child is going to be incapable of using technology just because they don’t have a console in the house I literally didn't mention this.

On the other hand I’m struggling to see how the benefits of playing games all night surpass the benefits of not doing that and instead going out to clubs that match your child’s interests (sports or otherwise)
Who do you is advocating this? Literally noone. My point was op saying she didn't want to police his usage of an box, but how is that - putting in rules and boundaries and consequences, any different to how we monitor what our kids do and Sat as part of helping them up well rounded and healthy?

Buy the xbox, don't buy xbox, in itself that decision doesn't matter. But not letting chd do X normal activity because they MIGHT want to do it more than he should and then shed have to have rul~s and boundaries and consequences is ridiculous.

1forAll74 · 17/05/2020 14:54

I wouldn't go along with all this gaming stuff, I would hope that a child would become an individual person, and not become sheeplike, like all the rest. If a person would get bullied, because of not being like the others, then it is obvious,that all the rest are numbskulls, and to be avoided.

There are people who become zombie like with their techno stuff,and never see the light of day,and don't interact with any family at all, then some have anger issues,if they are not allowed to have access to anything.

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 15:07

It wasnt a grand announcement. Its a consideration, a wish, a desire.
Yet some people have totally taken it to be gamer bashing, parent shaming, melodramatic, and a grand announcement.
It's a parenting forum. I was looking for experiences and opinions. I'm glad I posted actually @foamrolling

OP posts:
MarieQueenofScots · 17/05/2020 15:09

There are people who become zombie like with their techno stuff,and never see the light of day,and don't interact with any family at all, then some have anger issues,if they are not allowed to have access to anything

But why ban something because of the worst behaviour of the minority?

Some people go to football and kick seven bells out of each other, better not get involved in football.

Negatives can be attributed to any past time. The point of parenting is to eliminate the negative for a positive experience for the child.

TerrorWig · 17/05/2020 15:09

What a moronic statement @1forAll74. Do you also call kids that are heavily into Harry Potter sheeplike and not individual? Or is that ok because it's books?

I would suggest you read the thread before making sweeping generalisations. It isn't the black and white of no gaming/gaming obsessed. It's perfectly reasonable to be able to have a variety of interests that include gaming.

Time2change2 · 17/05/2020 15:14

@foamrolling this exactly! It’s similar to when couples with no kids state exactly how it will be when they have their first child. You think you know, you don’t!!

feelingfragile · 17/05/2020 15:31

@Grimmsfairytales

My husband doesn't want this and completely disagrees if I suggest it but also hates the level of conflict they produce.

There's no easy option but I can say that when we go away and there's no consoles, life is much happier all round.

FeelinFagin · 17/05/2020 15:35

Screw it. This shite against gaming is coming from people who are on Mumsnet Hmm. Let's face it, very few people come here for the parenting articles. It's all about mindless, time wasting forum reading and interaction. Don't pretend you come on MN for anything but juicy AIBU threads to keep you entertained whilst achieving nothing in the real world. And we bloody love it.

Well I'm going to take an MN break and fire up the Xbox one. Them Dead Island Zombies ain't gonna decapitate themselves...

Devlesko · 17/05/2020 15:36

I don't blame you, tbh.
Mine had them and it was a constant battle for a while.
Then i told them how sad they looked and would never get a gf, they sold them when they got to 18 and haven't bothered since. neither have one in their homes and manage ok.
Mine also didn't have the online with friends, we wouldn't pay for it.
I think it's ok in moderation, but it's a faff to have to Police, it's a much quieter life and more family time without them hiding away in their bedrooms.

GrimmsFairytales · 17/05/2020 15:44

My husband doesn't want this and completely disagrees

I don't think the games consoles are your problem here.

Then i told them how sad they looked and would never get a gf

Blackmail. Way to go, great parenting Hmm

Sonichu · 17/05/2020 15:47

"Then i told them how sad they looked and would never get a gf"

Nasty cow.

Mistymonday · 17/05/2020 15:49

My dp was a teen gamer, started a company doing it and has a very high salary and a career he absolutely loves! I know many people in that position, it’s a hugeand growing sector. I think it’s all about attitudes - people without gumption will always find diversion, games or otherwise. YABU.

MarieQueenofScots · 17/05/2020 15:50

My dp was a teen gamer, started a company doing it and has a very high salary and a career he absolutely loves!

I wonder if your DP knows my ex - same story!

My current FWB is also in games.

Decent, on stats safe in a recession, career which makes a, quite frankly obscene, salary Grin

grey12 · 17/05/2020 15:51

Never had a console. My brother played some games on PC. He's always been into cars, has a gaming steering wheel and all.

Littlepond · 17/05/2020 15:59

I wasn’t allowed to watch Tv as a kid. I missed out on a huge chunk of culture and was on the outskirts of many conversations. I’m now on the outside of nostalgia chat about Grange Hill and Cities of Gold.
My parents thought TV was damaging. I think not watching TV was damaging. I’m still bitter lol

darkforceofexcesszeal · 17/05/2020 16:01

All parents start out saying they won’t let their babies have consoles. It’s a rite of passage in your development as a parent. (It comes after ‘not allowed dummies’ and before ‘sex, drugs and rock n roll’ - not under my roof etc.)
I think it’s great that you are following the bog-standard parenting rules. (I mean, it’s not very critical - I would have expected more from a former English teacher, natch - but rest assured you are just following in the same footsteps as every other yummy.
100% average. Not a step out of place. Good girl.

AreYouLocal2 · 17/05/2020 16:04

Your child doesn't need a games console to fit in with other kids, or avoid bullying.

Theeighthelephant · 17/05/2020 16:04

Then i told them how sad they looked and would never get a gf,

@devlesko That's vile.

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 16:17

@darkforceofexcesszeal oooh very scathing! As for critical, my stance is aligned with my research into the montessori method, if we're going to be snotty about this. Also time spent outdoors is good for mental health, I'd like to encourage my kid to spend as much time as possible outdoors (no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing).

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 17/05/2020 16:33

Well OP, god loves a trier. Wish you well but just remember the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending in the wind.

For all other problems the answer is: WiFi password change.

Gizlotsmum · 17/05/2020 17:02

We have a switch, used by all of us. We limit time on it but during lockdown it has been a way for my 8 Yr old to connect with school friends, they don't talk on the phone so this is perfect, they can chat and game and so far it has worked really well. He also still has kick boxing classes and when not in lockdown has dance, swimming and tennis lessons to counter time spent gaming. It has helped his imagination.