AIBU to not want to get my son any kind of games consul when hes older?

[1Micem0use]

I've seen how damaging they are, and really dont want him to end up a gamer. I've got two male relatives in their late 30s who spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. It's not an exaggeration to say they are obsessed, and their life revolves around it.
I had a boyfriend back at university who was a gamer too. Whilst thankfully he did have a few other hobbies, he also gamed for hours on end. He would shout abuse down his headset to other players on his team when he felt they weren't doing well. To the point where he was warned about being taken off the team by its leader.
I want my little boy to grow up to be happy, healthy, and nice to others.
My gamer relatives tell me it would basically be child abuse not to buy him a console, and that children have them from primary school now.

[GrimmsFairytales]

Have you ever lived with gaming addicts? Not people who enjoy playing a game for a few hours a day, but people who live at their computer desk

No. I imagine they are very few and far between. I'm sorry you seem to have 2 relatives who fall into this category, but that level of obsession is not as widespread as you're implying

[Qgardens]

The more you ban it, or even limit it, the more he will want what he can't have. Gentle persuasion has more long term effect than outright bans.

Ime, they go through phases. At about 14 my ds was using it more than I liked, despite encouragement to do other things. As he got older it's just a small part of his life. Had I been more insistent at 14 there would have been many more battles and a deterioration of our great relationship. As it is now at 18, he listens to my opinion but is then free to make his own decisions. Normally his decisions tend to be fairly sensible now and I'm sure that it is because everything over the last few years have been discussed rather than dictated.

[thecatsthecats]

Well, it can be sad as fuck to be obsessed about ANYTHING, and that includes exercise (care to read many of the threads on here about MAMILs deserting their families for endless bike rides?).

The most mentally healthy way you can be is to recognise what you need on any given day and provide yourself with that, in balance with your responsibilities. Whether it's exercise, food, rest, mental stimulation, relaxation...

And you don't learn that by only doing one of those things, just like you don't learn anything by being told no by mum. A parent's job is to help your kid navigate and learn what's right for them, and help them do so safely. Not to decide for them.

Sorry to sound like an arse, but all the kids I knew whose parents were like you took a lot longer to find themselves and make a success of themselves as adults (by which I mean be happy, healthy and confident in a career that suits them). I include myself in that.

[Iggly]

Yabu

I used to think like you OP but we have one now. It’s been a godsend during lockdown as it’s the way ds talks to his friends.

Does he spend too much time on it? Yes. But we are in lockdown. Normally he has two gaming free days a week.

But he also loves nature, loves books and is a lovely kid.

I’ve spoken to him a lot about balance and we try and do family things together otherwise yes he’ll want to be on the game instead of with us!

[Girlswithflowers]

There is a very significant social connectiveness element to gaming - when they mic up with their friends, chat away and play together.

This can make a huge difference to boys especially - i bet there are hundreds of thousands of kids that would be speaking to no one outside their family atm if they weren't gaming with friends.

[ScarfLadysBag]

Yeah we know a lot of gamers as most of our friends are gamers (and we've met a few of them through gaming) and no one lives at their computer desks. They all have jobs, some have families. They just game in their spare time where others might watch TV, that's all. I'm not sure your anecdotal evidence of two people you know being obsessed with gaming is entirely relevant. Most people in life find a balance that works for them and their family with their interests, whatever that might be.

[1Micem0use]

@ScarfLadysBag I understand obsessive gaming only too well. Like I've said, I'm in my twenties.

[qwertypie]

I played a lot of games as a kid on the NES, SNES, N64, PlayStation... My DH is a big gamer & has started sharing age-appropriate games with our son. I think it's great but am not comfortable with the idea of DS ever having a console in his room, for example. Or even TV.

[MouthBreathingRage]

Have you ever lived with gaming addicts?

No, but I have no memory of living with drug or drink addicts either. Thats because addiction isn't the norm, you're just unfortunate to know a couple of people who are.

We have several consoles in our house, three tablets and my husband has just ordered himself a fancy gaming computer. None of us spend 'hours every day with the curtains shut' playing games. The majority of my house is male as well.

[GrimmsFairytales]

There is a very significant social connectiveness element to gaming

This reminds me of this article. Upsetting, but also shows how amazing gaming can be.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-47064773

[RJnomore1]

Again how old is this child?

[WorraLiberty]

Quickest way to turn a teenager into a gaming addict would be to ban them from owning one, until they're old enough to buy one themselves. Forbidden fruit and all that.

I don't know why you're obsessing with this really based on a minority of gaming addicts.

[LilQueenie]

not all gamers are the same.

You'll get people telling you that it teaches you "skills". No. Team sport, craft hobbies, group tasks teach you skills. Not vegetating in your own sweat controlling a moronic character on a screen

If you play online you get teams in realtime and you get to talk to each other to plan ahead and strategise. Pretty sure crafting is a thing when you are doing minecraft for example and other games that include problem solving.

[formerbabe]

I caved in when my ds was 10/11 and got him an xbox.

To be honest, he rarely plays it, but it's good when his friends come over.

My ds would much rather play football in the park or do something else. Gaming is a last resort if he's bored.

He does have friends who are much more addicted to it and sit in their rooms all day playing it. I'd really hate that to be honest.

If you don't want him to have one then don't get one...you know him best.

[ScarfLadysBag]

What's being in your 20s got to do with anything?

I have gamed since I was a teenager, including some time competitively before DD arrived. I met my husband via gaming. Our larger circle of friends are invariably gamers. The odd person I've met who I would say has got the balance wrong has other issues to do with mental health that IMO would be even worse without the social side of gaming. There's one chap I know who I'm pretty sure would not be here any more without his gaming friends. I’ve seen people get married to gamer friends, start families, etc. The obsession of which you speak is not common and when it does happen is generally a short-term thing, like all teenage fads. People who really are ‘obsessed’ have problems that aren’t to do with gaming – gaming is just the outlet for them, the way anything can be. If someone doesn't want to engage in normal life then they won't engage in it.

[1Micem0use]

Hes a baby. So I'm thinking about his future.
I'm sure all parents think about their kids futures. What school they'll send them to, what classes/hobbies they want to send them to. Its normal. Because of my own negative experience with gaming addicts (all male), it's something that was on my mind. So I thought I'd pick the collective brains of mumsnet. Also I'm tethered to my pump while he naps so I have too much time on my hands.

[DahliaDay]

Ahhhh is he your first??

Good luck with having him happily sat with mama crafting/gardening/cooking for hours on end when he’s 15!!

[xxxemzyxxx]

Gaming is fine in moderation. I do know an adult man child who is in his 30s, lives with his mum and I don’t ever see him moving out. However his mum never restricted his time on gaming, and I think somewhat she wants him there forever.

My DH games, but also doesn't spend all his time on it, he still goes out for walks, likes doing DIY around the house, etc.

My cousins (17 and 14 from one uncle and 12 and 9 from another uncle) game, but my uncles limit them to 4 hours a week on weekdays and has a limit on weekends as well. They are incredibly active boys and girl and actually prefer sports. They have grown up to be very friendly and respectful kids. They don’t argue when they have to come off the game and they love spending time with family, and will willingly put down their consoles down to be including in family activities.

I am pregnant with my first and I will definitely be taking tips from them!

[Bloomburger]

My BIL was like you he now has a so. Who games and plays football, that's it. We've given our DS age appropriate games and the most he's played for is a couple of hours so it's down to parenting and rules of how long you allow them to play in my experience.

[1Micem0use]

@ScarfLadysBag my age demographic has a fair bit to do with it. Gaming isnt alien to me, I grew up with it being a thing. My concerns dont come from a place of ignorance. Although I appreciate I seem to know a lot more people who are unhealthily obsessed than the average person. Hence my worries!

[DahliaDay]

Yes it’s great sitting there in a baby powder scented bubble planning out his life for him.....how lovely......but wait!? Have you considered he might have his own opinion on how his life will pan out?

That opinion tends to kick in around age 2 btw

[ScarfLadysBag]

@GrimmsFairytales I loved that story when I read it! There is also a blind man, I think a former soldier, who plays World of Warcraft and is helped to take part by a whole team of gamers.

The gaming community can be very inclusive and supportive, if you look in the right places. No one cares or even knows if you are physically disabled, etc. I've made some fantastic friends through it. We recently attended the wedding of some friends we met through gaming and it was such a warm and lovely occasion, even though some of us had only met 'online' before!

[GrimmsFairytales]

I loved that story when I read it!

Me too. I try to share it on posts like these, to show how inclusive and caring gaming can be. It gets so much negative press, that it's nice to balance things out with supportive and uplifting stories.

[DahliaDay]

Isn’t it console not ‘consul’.....