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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to get my son any kind of games consul when hes older?

255 replies

1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 10:23

I've seen how damaging they are, and really dont want him to end up a gamer. I've got two male relatives in their late 30s who spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. It's not an exaggeration to say they are obsessed, and their life revolves around it.
I had a boyfriend back at university who was a gamer too. Whilst thankfully he did have a few other hobbies, he also gamed for hours on end. He would shout abuse down his headset to other players on his team when he felt they weren't doing well. To the point where he was warned about being taken off the team by its leader.
I want my little boy to grow up to be happy, healthy, and nice to others.
My gamer relatives tell me it would basically be child abuse not to buy him a console, and that children have them from primary school now.

OP posts:
Oblomov20 · 17/05/2020 11:58

Highly melodramatic. No middle ground?

Both ds's play x box A LOT. But they also get high grades at school, play football, boxing, go to the gym, endless parties, ride their bikes to meet mates, go to Nando's.

Good luck with that OP.

MamaGee09 · 17/05/2020 12:08

My husband, son and daughter all love their consoles, it’s not for me, I’d rather read a good book however they all have hobbies outside of home, have friends, are sociable, do exercise, hold down jobs and have excellent grades in school and university.

Admittedly, they are all playing them more during lockdown but they all communicate with friends through them too and saves them being bored.

FeelinFagin · 17/05/2020 12:45

In our house there are 2 xbox360's, and Xbox one, a PS4, 4 laptops, 3 kindles, 6 iPhones (one even belongs to my 8yo), an iPad and even a couple of Nintendo DS's. No one is addicted. (Well, if you ignore my iPhone Mumsnet app habit!)
Some people cannot control themselves when it comes to many things, not just gaming. Some people are idiots about drinking. Some people turn into dicks over football, other sports or things like fantasy football. Some get obsessive over hobbies (I'm looking at you ebay obsessed BIL and you, online shopping addict Stepdad!)

Refusing to allow your child to play a console may very well isolate him somewhat from his friends. My 8 yo spent time yesterday playing on his PS4 with his school friends and the one who didn't have a working headset FaceTimed DS using their iPhones instead so they could still chat during the game. They all had a great time.

However, as much as we ALL love gaming in our house it does not come become re anything else. When I or DH say, "right, times up, turn it off", it gets done. We do compromise and allow them to play until the next save point or the end of a match though. We're not monsters Grin

When getting your child a bit of tech, do it with conditions. I'm happy to allow phones but even the teenager must allow me to randomly check her SM or phone when I require (which I never actually do except when I suspected her being bullied) In my house, when I say game's over, it is. I give no reason. DS is going tech free today because he had a lot of time yesterday and I feel he needs a break. Boy knows better than to complain, so has accepted it just fine.

If a child gets aggressive when told to stop gaming then that's more to do with the parenting than the console.

My friend's kids are limited on... well, everything. Tv is heavily monitored, screen time is timed. Kindles shut off at precisely 7pm and all internet access is heavily controlled. Even certain tv shows are not allowed to be on when the kids are in the room. On one visit DFriend asked me to turn reruns of Casualty off on the tv left on in the background as it was "a bit much" for children. They were 6 and 9. Quite frankly, the children are brats. Very naughty, very rude and not a pleasure to be around. The isolating from 'negative influences' has done the opposite.

roarfeckingroar · 17/05/2020 12:57

I'm with you OP and don't intend to let me child have a console

GrimmsFairytales · 17/05/2020 13:03

roarfeckingroar Why would you rather ban something, than allow it in moderation?

FabbyChix · 17/05/2020 13:05

Lol at damaging. My sons 32 - he had the first x box. Was never off it. Got ten grade a star a levels, went to uni and got a Maths masters. Now works in investment banking earning two arms and two legs. Damaging lol didn’t affect him any

highmarkingsnowmobile · 17/05/2020 13:08

My son had to be treated for a gaming addiction, but he is not NT. My daughter had a Switch (which we have to hide from DS) and is fine with it. It really depends on the child.

If a child gets aggressive when told to stop gaming then that's more to do with the parenting than the console.

You have been very lucky. A LOT of children, even NT ones, don't react well to being told to stop gaming. I thought it was only DS but found out otherwise. Plenty of my friends who have NT teens have problems with their getting off the consoles when told. DD does but again, I realise this is luck and it doesn't have anything to do with parenting. Some of these games are designed to be addictive even to NT people.

We have to be extremely regimented and strict because of DS's conditions (HFA, OCD and ADHD) and believe me, I wish it were just because of parenting that some kids behave how they do.

DS is older now and realises he was addicted to gaming and this is why he doesn't have consoles.

heartsonacake · 17/05/2020 13:11

YABU and ridiculous. They aren’t damaging at all Confused

TSSDNCOP · 17/05/2020 13:15

I think most of us said this about our 4 year olds. It's just not realistic OP. If you're lucky he may not want one. If not I can tell you there's an off switch and parental controls.

4Smalls · 17/05/2020 13:15

None of mine ever had one. Never.
Was never an issue. Result was they did other, more creative, things with their time, got top marks at school, played plenty of sport and spent lots of time with friends.

And we never had to quarrel about time spent on gaming.
Hold fast to what you believe - you are right.

GrimmsFairytales · 17/05/2020 13:17

4Smalls How old are you children?

Sonichu · 17/05/2020 13:19

We have this thread everyday

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 13:19

This has been really interesting. I'm glad I posted, even if some people act like I'm some cruel ignorant luddite. And the spelling police have been out in full force.
Just to be clear, I'm not criticising other peoples parenting choices, and even if I decide not to buy any games consoles he can still play them at friends houses. I dont think I'm being melodramatic either. Gaming addiction/obsession is a real thing.
The reason I'm considering no consoles, rather than moderate use in my home, is because it just seems like potentially making a rod for my own back. There cant be angry tantrums about turning off the xbox after an hour if there is no xbox.
It's been good to hear a wide range of experiences and opinions.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 17/05/2020 13:21

Yabu to assume every gamer is obsessive about it. If you encourage lots of interests then your child will still want to do a variety of things. Some games are very creative @4smalls, it can still be a good use of time.

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 13:21

@4Smalls thank you! It's nice to hear a positive experience

OP posts:
Weekday28 · 17/05/2020 13:22

Not everything has to be productive. My girls like to play the xbox, they play a few hours at the weekend. Its about learning when they have had enough and being a parent and controlling when it's time to come off. It's a modern way to play.

Bluntness100 · 17/05/2020 13:23

I don’t really understand your logic op. On one hand you say moderation is fine, on the other hand you demonstrate no personal ability to be able to moderate, wanting a total ban which you must know is not ideal.

Screens, gaming, it’s part of today and tomorrow And yes it does teach certain skills to kids and it’s very doubtful he will be happy growing up without the technology his friends use and being able to play with them on that platform.

You need to learn moderation yourself, not this all or nothing approach and then teach it to your child. In a way that’s not just. “ an hour a day and that’s it” crap. A wide variety of interests will see a happy well balanced child.

An unmoderated blanket ban will result in resentment and potentially an obsession when he gets to leave your home.

GrimmsFairytales · 17/05/2020 13:23

Gaming addiction/obsession is a real thing.

I agree, it can and is. However it's not as widespread as you think. I also think it's important to remember that those who become obsessed with gaming, are very likely to have found another thing to obsess over had gaming not been an option.

Bluntness100 · 17/05/2020 13:24

The reason I'm considering no consoles, rather than moderate use in my home, is because it just seems like potentially making a rod for my own back. There cant be angry tantrums about turning off the xbox after an hour if there is no xbox

What now! You want to ban them so your life is easier?

Original poster
1Micem0use · 17/05/2020 13:25

@francesthemute that sounds lovely! If there can be that kind of balance, daylight hours for being outside/playing irl and gaming as a brief evening activity then that's great

OP posts:
4Smalls · 17/05/2020 13:26

GrimmsFairytales Two have finished uni. One teen.

Enb76 · 17/05/2020 13:26

My 11 year old doesn’t having any sort of console and has never asked for one.

DuchessOfBeddington · 17/05/2020 13:26

Kids today are told they play too many games.

I was told I was watching too much TV.

My father was told he was listening to records too much.

His father was told he alway had his head in a bloody book.

Asuitablecat · 17/05/2020 13:26

I said this.Then dh let him.have one aged 8. Strict limits and time taken off for moaning and tantrums. None during the week.No headset.

Now 10 and I.bought him.a headset to talk.to mates. Been a godsend in.lockdown.

Biker47 · 17/05/2020 13:27

Yeah, I currently have about 60 different games consoles, have a normal life and still game quite a lot.