AIBU to not want to get my son any kind of games consul when hes older?

[1Micem0use]

I've seen how damaging they are, and really dont want him to end up a gamer. I've got two male relatives in their late 30s who spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. It's not an exaggeration to say they are obsessed, and their life revolves around it.
I had a boyfriend back at university who was a gamer too. Whilst thankfully he did have a few other hobbies, he also gamed for hours on end. He would shout abuse down his headset to other players on his team when he felt they weren't doing well. To the point where he was warned about being taken off the team by its leader.
I want my little boy to grow up to be happy, healthy, and nice to others.
My gamer relatives tell me it would basically be child abuse not to buy him a console, and that children have them from primary school now.

[1Micem0use]

@DahliaDay I'm hoping he'll go play outside with his friends like a safe version of the gang of kids on stranger things, not stay inside crafting with me 24/7 hehe. He is my first. Must be obvious lol

[1Micem0use]

@DahliaDay no need to be the SPAG police (spelling and grammar). We can all understand the context

[SockYarn]

Lots of kids game and don't grow up like your examples.

Lots of adults game too! It's a hobby like any other. Taken to the extreme in the examples you gave of course it's damaging but any other hobby taken to the extreme is just the same.

My 11 year old is currently chuckling away playing Fortnite online with his two best friends from school who he hasn't seen in person since 20th March. I'm good with that.

[Angel2702]

The majority of peer interaction is through games, they don’t go out and meet up as much. If my son didn’t have the PlayStation he would have been completely isolated and left out of the group.

[1Micem0use]

For those of you that buy your children games what age did you get their first xbox/playstation?

[Shinyletsbebadguys]

I think at baby stage it's very difficult to really understand the minutiae of social needs when they were older. I'm talking from my experience , I swore when ds1 was a baby that I would massively limit screen time , it wasn't that I hated gaming , I game to a controlled extent myself. I was determined though.

Well , as they say Make Plans God likes a laugh. Turns out ds1 has asd and actually some games are a complete and utter godsend because they fit with his learning needs (yes yes I'm sure several people will hoik their bosoms and claim that that's not the case and I could find other ways of doing it but they would be naive and ignorant)

Balance is the key. Demonising anything that isn't directly harmful is harmful in itself. I understand your experience OP but honestly that's an extremely small picture you have had. I have a DP who games but whom spends far more time and effort with the home, the family and the DC , than my exdh who doesn't game and became obsessive about building small models.

It's about the behaviour. It's very dangerous to apply a blanket steel rule to one activity. Gaming does in fact teach skills , as does running along the beach which we have just done , or bike riding which we are about to do after ds1 builds his tower in roblox.

Everything in parenting needs a balanced view. Its incredibly naive to suddenly say an outright NO to something arbitrarily. My dm used to do this because " she thought" x, y z about something. Her reasoning was usually based on one or two experiences and frankly as I got older it made me think less of her because she wasn't prepared to look at different arguments or opinions

[Lweji]

DS is 15.

He does spend most of his time on his gaming computer.
It was different when he was 10-11. He liked football better then. But he'd spend time gaming standing up and playing with his football at the same time.

Now, only part of his time is spent gaming. He makes videos, he learnt a bit of coding, he plays Pictionary online with friends, he is also into music, he watches all sorts of YouTube videos.
He has a group of mates, many in different countries, and they do practice team play in their games. They also have to devise strategies and work towards a goal.
He's known to be a quiet boy, but he chats and laughs all day with his friends online.
It's probably the thing that allowed him to be fairly happy through lockdown.

His gaming is also in the living room. This means I know what he's doing, and we can talk when we need to. He's not isolated in a dark room at all.

I would like him to spend more time away from the computer, but I don't think what he's doing is worse than me at his age.
In fact he's probably more sociable, albeit online.

[Dollywilde]

DH got really into Football Manager when he was younger and once, when he was 13/14, got so annoyed he broke a plate by throwing it onto the floor when he lost an important game. DFIL apparently walked in, removed the disc, let DH go mad/lose his shit and then talked to him once he’d calmed down a couple of days later. Iirc DH earned a copy of the game back by doing chores for 3 months and then it never happened again.

Fast forward 20 years and we have a PS4 at home. DH plays 2 hours a week, which are the 2 hours a week earmarked for my long soak in the bath. We also very occasionally play together - did about 20 minutes playing two games on Crash Team Racing last night. That’s it. He plays FIFA and Red Dead Redemption, usually alternates them. It doesn’t take over our lives, in fact I barely ever see the thing on.

Owning a console doesn’t have to equal addiction but you need to have good boundaries and limits.

[BiggerBoat1]

Part of growing up is learning to do things in moderation. If you ban consoles or anything else (sweets/TV/phone/whatever) you're not giving him the chance to learn to set limits for himself.

My DS plays FIFA with his mates. When he first got it he spent every penny of his pocket money, birthday money etc on it to improve his team and played it constantly. That lasted a few months and now he plays it once or twice a day whenever his mates are about online.

Parenting isn't about removing risk or temptations its is about teaching your child to deal with them safely and sensibly.

[LilQueenie]

Your child will inevitably be introduced to more media and games than you will probably like. I don't mind dd playing games as we end up playing them together anyway but I was a little shocked at how much media she was exposed to at school. They use cbeebies for much of the learning and computer games for education. I don't recall ever seeing a textbook in her class. this was in the infant department p1 to p3.

[EmeraldShamrock]

I said the same but it is unrealistic with today's generation.
Though all these multi million pound tech companies might disagree that computer games are for losers these technical minds start somewhere.
It improves critical thinking too.
My DD is 11 SEN she is teaching herself coding she wants to be a computer engineer. It is not all bad.

[mangoinafrillydress]

Gaming is good for cognitive functioning. As long as it doesnt become an addiction.

[Dollywilde]

Sorry that should read removed the disc and snapped it in half I don’t always agree with some of the stuff my FIL did but he Did 100% the right thing there imo.

[DahliaDay]

Are you not more worried about phone use and unfettered internet access?

[notacooldad]

You'll get people telling you that it teaches you "skills". No. Team sport, craft hobbies, group tasks teach you skills. Not vegetating in your own sweat controlling a moronic character on a screen
😂😂😂😂😂

[GreytExpectations]

It's weird you seem to know so many people with such an obsession with gaming. My DH and his family are all gamers and none of them are how you describe and they have other hobbies, they are also "happy, healthy and nice to others" maybe you need to consider why you struggle with the concept of moderation and learn how to set limits for your child so they can enjoy a console when older like all their friends will? Also, stop with your generalisations, it's very rude.

[ThatsWhatHeroesDo]

Threads like these make it sound like almost all kids have xboxes and playstations? Surely not? They're so expensive just for the console, and the games are, what £50+?

[AllIMissNowIsTheSea]

1Micem0use my father used to use the word "fester" about me reading novels on my bed instead of going outside to "play" with my younger siblings when I was a teenager. He took it as a personal affront if I was in my room alone not playing with my siblings, ideally outside.

My parents wanted their children in set choloate box tableuxs at a distance as much as possible and it offended them that we didn't perform childhood in the way they were paying for through their purchase of a largish house with a big garden in the countryside... Rather like instagram parents except it was in the early infancy of the internet when users paid for indovidual static text pages downloaded via a modem, and games were on cassette tape...

Your child is his own person, you don't curate his childhood for the kodak moments (even in your head), especially into the teen years.

Teach him to game responsibly by setting groundrules (before our older son was allowed fortnight we set the rule that if he ever protested about coming off the game when asked to he would not be allowed to play it any more, and he stuck by this because he knows through his experience of our parenting for the last 12 years that we mean what we say). All our children have time limits and parental comtrols until such a point as we decide to remove them (14 year old no longer has them but knows we can still see exactly which games or programmes she is usiing online via a parenting ap).

Ban chocolate, sweets and bought biscuits throughout a child's childhood and although there is a small change the child will not eat chocolate or sweets or bought biscuits once they have their own money and access to shops, the chances are higher that they will have a phase of gorging to excess. The same is true of most things.

Forbidden fruit and all that.

[Lweji]

As to first age...
We got a console because exH wanted one.
We got a Wii first because it allowed for physical activity while playing.
Then the PS2. So, DS grew up with consoles at home.
It only became a thing at about 9ish, I think. We went through the portable games, the console, the PS3, then on to saving all money gifts to buy the PC.

You'll have to see how it goes with yours. A rule of parenting is not to make long term plans.
Come back and ask MN when he starts asking for one.

[MotheringShites]

Those of us at school during the eighties all knew someone who didn’t have a television. We felt sorry for that person while at the same time finding them slightly weird.

That is the 21st century equivalent of not being allowed a console. Moderation is the key.

[Welshmaenad]

My ten year old son is an avid gamer. He's also passionate about reading, Lego, riding his bike, playing sport with friends. He does musical theatre classes and regularly performs in high quality productions, he's done TV acting work and has worked for Kurt Sutter. He enjoys gardening with me. He does well at school and is particularly gifted at Maths.

My partner is also an avid gamer. He and my son have been able to bond over their shares hobby. However he's also a bodybuilder and trains daily. He's another keen reader. He earns above average in a skilled job and works bloody hard. He loves nature and wildlife, we watch a lot of films, we have a lot of political and social discussions, he's a union rep.

Basically, liking video games is just a small facet of their personalities and is positive, not negative. The anti-gamer rhetoric really really winds me up.

[MouthBreathingRage]

Threads like these make it sound like almost all kids have xboxes and playstations? Surely not? They'resoexpensive just for the console, and the games are, what £50+?

Depends if you buy everything brand new. Places like CeX seem to be in booming business though, so I assume many wait and buy games cheaper.

Consoles themselves are very useful and cost effective machines to have, many have streaming apps built in, including NowTv, Netflix and other catchup terrestrial. We often use the Channel 4 one on our PS4, it definitely adds to the value. Along with also being a Blu-Ray player, so don't need an extra dvd player. I personally think the cost is worth it for everything that's built in on top of being able to play games.

[CantSleepClownsWillEatMe]

When your child is just a tiny baby it’s very easy to imagine that you’ll definitely do this thing and you won’t do that thing !

The reality is your little boy will go to school and on play dates and will most definitely come across gaming. Having a flat out ban won’t stop him mithering for a console of his own and while I’m not someone who makes their parenting decisions based on what everyone else is doing, he will reach an age where he feels the odd one out and possibly feels isolated from his friendship group. You have to ask yourself whether you’ve turned it into a bigger issue than it really needs to be.

Games and tech are a part of life these days. It’s certainly not what I grew up with and I do have some concerns about how much of children’s spare time is spent online/gaming. However I don’t believe just banning this stuff for my dc is the best course of action.

DS will be 9 this summer and will get his first console. He’s wanted one for a couple of years and has played at his cousins and friends houses. While he thinks he has to wait til he’s 10, we have already been clear about the kind of rules that will be in place when he gets one and we will stick to those. At age 9 it’s absolutely within our remit as his parents to decide how much time he uses it, what kind of games he plays and also to judge whether it’s having a detrimental effect on his behaviour or personality and take appropriate action. That’s a lot more difficult if he buys his own at 15 or 16!

[twilightermummy]

YANBU. My son is 8 and despite being very intelligent, being part of a football team and having musical interests, his consoles trump all of these things. All of our male relatives encourage him and I regret ever buying him one in the first place.