DS (3) won't leave the house and I don't know what to do

[IncyWincyTincy]

That's it really, lockdown seems to have permanently altered him and he just won't leave the fucking house. It's definitely not through fear of the virus because we haven't spoken to him about it.

DH is at work and I'm stuck in the house with 3 children, one of home is desperate to go out but I can't physically get DS to go out the front door. All his friends are having lovely walks in the countryside burning off energy and I can't get him to even get off the sofa. I've banned all TV which has been painful because with a newborn and an older child to home school I needed something to distract him. But it's still not working 😭.

I don't know what to do, when schools go back how am I supposed to do the school run with a child that I can't get dressed let alone out the front door. I need his nursery to reopen I think to get some semblance of normality back.

At this point I'd take our chances with a virus with a very small chance of lasting health implications for us over more isolation that will definitely end badly for me and him. I can't cope anymore.

Does anyone have any experience with this, how can I get him to want to go out?!

I'd just walk out, he'll follow you.

Do you have a front garden and is your road relatively quiet? Can you get into a routine of going out into the front garden for a little while every day, just to get him into the routine of going out. Maybe your older one could chalk rainbows and messages on the pavement, it might make the toddler a bit less scared and curious to join in. Obviously depends on what is outside, no good if you are on an A road for example.

I'd just walk out, he'll follow you

I know several 3 year olds who wouldn't, though.
And if he doesn't, what's OP meant to do then?

OP you’re handling the bad advice on this thread with more grace than i’d be able to!

I’d not be able to man handle my two year old if i’d just given birth. And your child must be quite troubled, which must in turn be real hard for you. I hope you can crack it.

I would try and give him some info that helps him understand what’s happening at the moment. This is a good resource for younger kids. en.calameo.com/read/000777721945cfe5bb9cc?authid=Xu9pcOzU3TQx
Also there’s the experiment with soap and pepper you can do together to show how soap stops germs getting onto your hands so he can see a way you can keep safe.

Rather than trying to take control and make him go out (which will backfire if it is anxiety) can you try something like taking a photo of his toy leaving a hidden message / painted stone etc outside your house by something he’ll recognise. You could show him the photos inside and say you can go on a treasure hunt to find the messages. Then come back home without going too far the first time, then build i up from there?

How old is your other child? Older child push the peak whilst you deal with toddler?

Could you try bribery. Tell him a Lego minifigure or something similar is hidden in the park and needs help.

I asked him if he was afraid of going out because he thought he would catch the virus.

I find it heart breaking that parents have put so much fear in their kids , a 3 or 4 year old should not be afraid of the virus that much. It's frightening how people are projecting their own insecurities on their children.

There's so much they do not need to know, what's the point of frightening them so much? Poor kids.

My parenting consists largely of bribes and threats. In that case, I would bribe him with chocolate to get him out of the house.

Not read the whole thread, but noticed PP said behaviour may be a reaction to the new born.

Ignore being superior about 'just' picking him up and going. I have had times where it has taken ages to get eldest to school as I have been carrying a flailing fighting three year old all the way, and needing to put him down regularly as he is fighting to hard. Not all kids co-operate once they are outside - soem still fight! Mine had learnt to undo pram straps, so he can only go in it if he co-operates. And you have a new born. Of course its hard!

Make it an adventure.
Either take a picnic (sandwiches and a bottle of squash will do, it's the blanket that makes it exciting) this is good because only big boys can eat picnics, the baby can't because she can only have milk.

Or make a "treasure hunt" - give him a paper with pictures you've drawn of things to find like 2 different leaves, a yellow flower, a feather, a worm.
Or go with a reason - to feed the ducks, to see if there are tadpoles in the pond, to get leaves to make leaf prints.

Set it as a challenge - I bet you can't run the whole way round the field in your superfast trainers

Link it with his favourite shows somehow - let's take Peppa and George in your rucksack and see if we can find a muddy puddle to show them

My kids used to love rushing off ahead if I told them they could be second but I wanted to be the first one to - run to the wall, jump on the bench, get to the top of the hill...

It doesn't have to be a fight.

I'd just walk out, he'll follow you ime this doesn't work with many kids at all, some get genuinely upset that you are going to leave them, most don't actually care and will tell you, and you can't follow through with your threat and just walk off so you end up giving in and the child figures out that it was an empty threat to begin with.

I find as soon as they're out, they enjoy it. Make everything easy like shoes then go, go, go! You have my sympathies, it is hard!

Sorry if I am saying the obvious but have you asked him why?
If he says he gets tired can you give him the option of buggy, buggy board or pushalong bike/trike/scooter
If he just 'doesn't like it' try and find out what part of it he doesn't like (and sneakily include some things you think he does like e.g. do you not like seeing the snails going for a walk? Do you not like making dens in the woods/playing ball in the park etc.)
If you can discover a reason, you might be able to fix it.
Can you also put him 'in charge' of something. I found DS1 needed to be in charge and be given choices or make decisions that helped overcome his feelings of being scared of things. So let him choose what shoes he wears for the walk, what drink or snack to take and when on the walk you will stop to have the drink or snack (even if you don't need them)

Can you con him into thinking one of his soft toys needs some exercise and fresh air? That can get them out of the door sometimes.

OP I remember a similar thread a few months back where people just said 'just force the child out thr door'.
I remember the battles when my child was a similar age.

I think this could be a reaction to the new sibling. I agree with pp advice to spend some one on one time with the three year old. Easier said that done.

I had to resort to YouTube videos on my phone with my child.

I would take the emotion out of it, agree with DH that you will not get upset and leave the house together. Don't take it personally if he screams the whole time he is out but do make an effort to do something that he would normally enjoy and then leave him on the sidelines if he doesn't want to join in.

We also don't talk about Coronavirus in a negative way in front of the kids (just turned 3 and 7 and a half) but the other day I was shocked when we saw people while we were out and my 3 year old started going as fast as he could on his balance bike yelling 'people coming, quick!quick!' in a panicked voice.

It broke my heart a little. They pick up more than we realise. Be gentle but firm with him. No need for anger but a real need to push him out of this fear of going out that seems to have developed. If he is worried kindness and reassurance will 100 times beat force and anger.

Maybe a picnic on a rug somewhere with fav foods?

Pack of icecreams that you can take somewhere to eat that's not too far away that they melt. At the end of your road if need be?

Fairy bread at the park?

Good Luck.

My 4 year old is similar, I think they are a bit scared with seeing people after being told to stay home. We use bribery ice cream at start or a smoothie, then told if behave on woalk can have TV time when home.

I mean on a day when your DH isn't at work. Not when he is.

Presumably the newborn is a pram/pushchair so can you let your older child push it and you strap the 3 year old into a buggy and push him?

It sounds like anxiety led rather than defiance. I would only try and deal with this with DH around.

Start small play for 10 mins on the garden path seeing how far you can get him down it. If you don't have a path from your door to street and it just opens onto the street then stay and play on the doorstep. Then maybe a game of hopscotch (got any chalk or even on of those stones you can find to make a mark on pavement) on the pavement.
While your out there can you see that bird/ funny colour leaf etc just up there see if he will go a bit further. Then take him back home again.

Do the same the next day try and go further carry it on until he is ready for a small trip round the block lots of praise then stretch out your journeys.

Oh also a surefire way with my lot at that age if possible can he get some new shoes/sandals so he can take them for a walk and show them off.

I would use my only parenting tool - bribery. Buy him something nice and use that. Or maybe new shoes or wellies or a coat or a camera? At 3 mine had a Vtech camera and they bloody loved taking it on walks and taking "chichures".

You have my sympathies. My littlest once carried on all the way to school and back and I was ruined when I got home. It was pissing it down and he layed half in half out of the front door screaming about his trousers being wet! Little shit bag

@NannyR and some will put the door on the latch so you can’t get back in and settle down in front of the tv (speaking from experience)

If he hasn’t got one already maybe a new bike (with stabilizers) or tricycle?

My 3yo is also nervous of going outside. She’s also having a lot of nightmares. If you really need to go out, then just grab him and go, but I can’t understand why you might not want to do this - I wouldn’t want to do this with DD. Do you have a garden he can play in?

We do get my DD out most days, mostly by letting her choose a toy to take out so she has something else to focus on. Snacks are also very helpful.

Sorry that you’re finding things so hard.

Leave your newborn and eldest with his dad and take the 3yo. Tell him that's what will happen every day when his dad is home. Force him to go then. He needs to learn that he can't control the rest of the family.

Sling for the baby, three year old in a backpack carrier. That's what I had to do when mine were small (and I also had one in a buggy at the same time). Otherwise every journey we took would have taken 24 hours, with the dawdling and the puddle stomping and the poking worms and the step jumping etc etc...

It's perfectly possible.