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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call the police to my son's girlfriend's house?

319 replies

popsydoodle4444 · 16/05/2020 15:29

Currently sat in tears and absolutely raging.

My son turned 16 last Sunday.He has a girlfriend;they been together since last June.They haven't seen each other since March 15th.

As the lockdown rules about time outside has been relaxed slightly today I agreed he could ride his bike to a park halfway between ours and his girlfriends house to meet her the condition he observes social distancing.My stance was being able to see her from 2 meters away was being than seeing her via phone screen.

About an hour ago I noticed his bike was still here so I called him to which the little shit has admitted he's at his girlfriends house and her mum picked him up around the corner from our house.

I am angry beyond belief right now.We've been shielding as my 13 year daughter has health issues including a heart condition.

There are 6 people in his girlfriends house,2 are still out working and his girlfriends stepdad has still been having his kids over every other weekend.The risk in their household is quite high.

I'm fuming my son has broken lockdown and put his sisters health at risk undoing all our hard work since March and that his girlfriend and her mum have also aided him in breaking lockdown rules.I currently think his girlfriends mother is a cunt for coming to pick my son up knowing he shouldn't be in a car with her and her daughter let alone in her house 😡😡😡😡.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 16/05/2020 19:44

You’re over reacting.

PS there’s no point telling him to self isolate at his GFs unless you’re sure that everyone else in that household is self isolating too. As the mum came to pick up your DS, I doubt that is the case.

ChilliCheese123 · 16/05/2020 19:47

Would you not consider letting him stay there for the foreseeable? It’s a big ask as the world slowly opens back up to face the prospect of having to shield a sibling indefinitely. It will breed resentment. I have a friend with one DC who has a condition which means she has to be completely shielded. Her other child has gone to stay with an uncle and his GF and their kids so she can have some semblance of a life - Even if it’s just walks and playing in the garden. The sibling also needs a lot of extra care and help with schooling at home so she would basically be left to it, so they made the decision for her to live elsewhere, and it’s working.

canigooutyet · 16/05/2020 19:59

Police won't do a thing. He's 16. At most, they will do a welfare check and advice him to think about going home. And if you push too hard, you might find that day will come when there's a vaccine.

How long do people expect him to put his sister always first?
Chances are there will be no vaccine and IF there is, it's another 18 months at least.

We are in the shielding group. We are socially distancing when going out. I will not put my children's lives on hold indefinitely. What about them and their ability to enjoy themselves?

Plus we've had CV in the house. 5 people live here, 1 person got it. It's impossible to shield a hundred per cent when you live with other people. All you do is wash your hands like you should be anyway, stop treking dirty footwear around the house, and before you change into clean clothes, wash your damn ass and everything else.

Coffeecak3 · 16/05/2020 20:10

@L777 absolutely. No way any social distancing would have happened in the park.

LunaLula83 · 16/05/2020 20:23

Drop of his clothes and playstation!

helpfulperson · 16/05/2020 20:25

Honestly, I think if you did that it might be the last time you ever see him. I dont think I could forgive a parent for that overreaction.

antipodalpizza · 16/05/2020 20:33

Let him stay there until lockdown ends.

^ This - is it an option?

Bubblebee7 · 16/05/2020 20:36

Yes @antipodalpizza if it’s risking his sisters health. Lockdown is really tough and I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm.

If his sister took ill what would happen?

Pinkyyy · 16/05/2020 20:38

Why are you expecting the police to parent your child? Isn't that your job?

Lynda07 · 16/05/2020 20:40

roarfeckingroar Sat 16-May-20 18:56:24
@Lynda07 it looks that was in SW London

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 16-May-20 18:48:24
Lynda07, you've just heard? From where? Is it a reliable source? Or just hopeful gossip.

No, it is not virtually over. And if cases rise they'll clamp down again. These sort of stunts will bring that about.
........
Thanks to both of you and to the poster on the last page who replied to me. No I'm not SW London but SE London on borders of Bromley.

I agree with you that it just should not be, not yet. It doesn't actually make any difference to me because I haven't been out for weeks and don't intend to go out until absolutely sure it's as safe as it can be; however it does make a big difference to others which I do understand. Obviously some people have interpreted information incorrectly, wishful thinking perhaps.

It occurred to me that op's son's girlfriend and her mother have been given wrong information which led to the meeting and visit to their house. Is son home again yet? What does he have to say for himself?

I would make sure he was properly sanitised and kept away from the rest of the family as much as possible for a while but not completely banish him or put him out in a tent. He may honestly believe what he did presented no risk.

antipodalpizza · 16/05/2020 20:40

Lockdown is very tough, all the more so for siblings of people who have to shield.

RuggerHug · 16/05/2020 20:50

Others have said it but I would honestly tell him he can't come back. You'll leave a bag on the doorstep with his toothbrush and some clothes but since he decided going against you and risking his sister's life was a good idea he can deal with the consequences. If you're feeling generous pack his phone charger.

cornish009 · 16/05/2020 20:56

@cornish009 but where does it end ? When there is a vaccine ? After that ? What about if this happens again ? Sorry but a life of literally never being able to leave your home isn’t a life

Booboodisney your words mirror what my husband says (he is the one being shielded) and we question that daily. So your post hit my deepest nerve. Every time I see our daughter and grandson waving and blowing kisses to us from across our driveway, we think we cannot bear not to hug them for another second. I feel my heart will break into a million pieces if I do not go to them. But I have to remain strong. We know one day the time will come when we may make different decisions and go for that hug. It's almost but not quite unbearable, but that time has not come yet. Our priorities may one day be different but for now it is simple, we stay safe and he stays alive.

cornish009 · 16/05/2020 21:02

Honestly, I think if you did that it might be the last time you ever see him. I dont think I could forgive a parent for that overreaction

But equally how could you ever forgive yourself if you welcomed him back and his sister lost her life?

You know I would have totally endorsed your words in the past, but living through shielding I now think differently. Because I know in the OP's position I would have to make some pretty harsh decisions in order to protect my husband's life. Though I would hope the relationship with my children would be strong enough for them to understand and support my decision also.

Helpfulrabbit · 16/05/2020 21:09

I agree that I’m not sure what the police would do but you should probably do it anyway, perhaps they can have a word with your son and explain to him how disgraceful he is for putting his own sister in danger.

I am so sorry for you, you must be so angry. It is understandable that you do whatever you can to protect your innocent daughter who did absolutely nothing wrong so he should be made to stay with his girlfriend if seeing her is worth putting family at such risk.

I’m so sorry you have to go through this, I have a brother myself who has not been keeping to lockdown rules and I’ve seriously considered reporting him too. It’s hard when it’s family but I suppose we all have to protect each other now.

Frage · 16/05/2020 21:09

@cornish009 but where does it end ? When there is a vaccine ? After that ? What about if this happens again ? Sorry but a life of literally never being able to leave your home isn’t a life

Well said.

Nicknacky · 16/05/2020 21:13

The police are not going to go have a word with him. This is a parenting issue, not a police one.

twinkle2306 · 16/05/2020 21:16

What are people getting. Even if you think he should be allowed to mix and go out and not spend his life worrying about shielding etc he and his girlfriends family broke lockdown.

You are able to meet 1 other person outside your household in an open space from a 2m distance. Not go to your girlfriends house!

Helpfulrabbit · 16/05/2020 21:25

@Nicknacky I’m sorry but if something happens to her daughter as a result of his selfishness then it absolutely needs to be a legal matter.

I am actually thinking that the OP should not be letting him back in the house because the risk is too great. He made his bed when he decided to rush out and go see his girlfriend (no doubt because he wanted sex let’s be honest here) so he should not be allowed back until this mess is all over with.

StatisticalSense · 16/05/2020 21:26

If you want a suicidal son to deal with on top of a shielding daughter making him stay in his room with no social contact for 14 days may be appropriate. On the assumption that is not what you want you'd be best off telling him off and threatening him with that if he does it again but accepting the risk is extremely low and allowing him home to follow the restrictions as he had been doing is by far the most sensible course of action.

Nicknacky · 16/05/2020 21:37

Helpfulrabbit No, it wouldn’t. The only way it will be a police matter is if a person has deliberately infected another person.

This situation is NOT a police matter and people need to stop thinking the police can sort out minor parenting matters.

Booboodisney · 16/05/2020 21:44

@helpfulrabbit wow that’s very ‘My Sisters Keeper’ isn’t it ?

canigooutyet · 16/05/2020 21:51

@twinkle2306 I get it. But I also get that children and those shielded have to have a life. Staying in total isolation is not realistic. If I did that they would lose at least another 18 months of life. We are all entitled to some quality of life.

We are shielded, we go out, do what we do, come home and wash just like everyone else should be doing. Because I'm not going out as much, my health is suffering, and my glasses need urgently updating as a result. My children's health is suffering, normally they would be out getting loads of air, running around, getting much-needed sun etc.

Just over 4 years ago, I was isolated for around 18 months. Since then around 9 months and now this. Think about how much my children would have had to give up. It's not realistic and I would never ever call them selfish because they simply are not.

canigooutyet · 16/05/2020 21:55

Legal matter for someone to have some quality of life? 🤣

@Helpfulrabbit - would the same laws apply to all those 'key workers' that have been propping up the country by going out to work? All those hospital staff who could have the virus etc?

Helpfulrabbit · 16/05/2020 22:02

How the eff is a key worker getting compared to a Mother’s Son who is so eager to get his rocks off he’ll willingly endanger the life of his bleeding sister?

Yes maybe the police won’t do anything if she called them but that is absolutely on the Police because it is their job to protect people’s lives when they are put in danger by senseless actions of the general public.

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