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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call the police to my son's girlfriend's house?

319 replies

popsydoodle4444 · 16/05/2020 15:29

Currently sat in tears and absolutely raging.

My son turned 16 last Sunday.He has a girlfriend;they been together since last June.They haven't seen each other since March 15th.

As the lockdown rules about time outside has been relaxed slightly today I agreed he could ride his bike to a park halfway between ours and his girlfriends house to meet her the condition he observes social distancing.My stance was being able to see her from 2 meters away was being than seeing her via phone screen.

About an hour ago I noticed his bike was still here so I called him to which the little shit has admitted he's at his girlfriends house and her mum picked him up around the corner from our house.

I am angry beyond belief right now.We've been shielding as my 13 year daughter has health issues including a heart condition.

There are 6 people in his girlfriends house,2 are still out working and his girlfriends stepdad has still been having his kids over every other weekend.The risk in their household is quite high.

I'm fuming my son has broken lockdown and put his sisters health at risk undoing all our hard work since March and that his girlfriend and her mum have also aided him in breaking lockdown rules.I currently think his girlfriends mother is a cunt for coming to pick my son up knowing he shouldn't be in a car with her and her daughter let alone in her house 😡😡😡😡.

OP posts:
roarfeckingroar · 16/05/2020 18:56

@Lynda07 it looks that was in SW London

Willow2017 · 16/05/2020 19:04

I’m going to take a punt here and suggest that you have a very difficult relationship with your son’s girlfriends mother and you’re using this as an excuse to really get on your high horse.

Yes because a grown adult hiding round the corner from ops house didnt know that taking a child from one house to yours wasnt on? Of course she knew. She deceived the op by doing that.

The boy needs to know his actions have consequences and he can self isolate in his room for a while after being explained the facts of life re his sister. He can then decide if his illicit visit was worth it.
I dont care if 2 consenting adults arrange to meet up but an adult colluding in decieving another mother is appaling especially regarding his sister who i am sure she is fully aware of if her dd has been seeing the boy for so long.

It's unfair to ask others to do the right thing if you're effectively not OP!
Its unfair to ask her 16yr old to consider his sister? Its unfair to expect an adult not to sneak her son into her house?
Where does op.say she isnt?
"We have been shielding" right there in her op. She offered her son a chance to meet his gf outside sd in place yet he blew her trust out the water.

NoMoreDickheads · 16/05/2020 19:05

Grrr, that's awful. I would feel the same. xxx Flowers

mumwon · 16/05/2020 19:07

he can sleep in the garden for the next week - in a shed if his lucky & throw his bike out - seriously or sell it

icansmellburningleaves · 16/05/2020 19:11

@crispysausagerolls sums it up perfectly.

Ineedcoffee2345 · 16/05/2020 19:11

Oh ffs why would you ring the police. Major over reaction. Your angry of course but for christ sake dont ring the police. You will be laughed at

Birdsong20 · 16/05/2020 19:12

Put a tent in the garden and make him stay in it for 2 weeks!

YgritteSnow · 16/05/2020 19:13

I've just heard that lockdown is virtually over, people are out and about in cars and on foot, mixing with others. Is it true?

@Lynda07 that is certainly what I am seeing right now as I look out of my window at the massive party taking place next door. I could post a photo or even an audio clip of the noise but might make me recognisable. I've been out to walk the dog today and the parks are full and traffic is busy. It's been building back up steadily over the past few days here in West London. People on here don't like hearing about this though and get angry and aggressive if you say it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Redglitter · 16/05/2020 19:15

Jesus Christ. How have people turned into these unbearable 1984 fucking snitches wasting police time and resources on absolute nonsense

As someone who is a Police Despatcher I can confirm yes that's exactly what people are doing these days. I absolutely despair at some calls we get

HavenDilemma · 16/05/2020 19:17

@StillCounting123 but there is no hint that any of them are sick or have been exposed to Covid. So in that regard you are YABU.

You really don't understand how viruses work do you?? 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️Hmm

Ffs!!! Do you not realise that any one of them could have been unknowingly exposed and be in the incubation period, again without knowing they have anything, yet still highly contagious.

That is THE point of social distancing!!!!

How the hell would there be any 'hint' that they've been exposed to Covid if they're still in the incubation period? Do tell!

Nicknacky · 16/05/2020 19:18

Redglitter I simultaneously laugh and weep inside when I read the calls that are on the screen. Then I come on mumsnet and it’s just as bad, if not worse.

They think we are the corona problem solving police.

YgritteSnow · 16/05/2020 19:19

Oh I'd love to do that job! How do you get into it @Nicknacky and @RedGlitter? If you don't mind me asking Smile

Nicknacky · 16/05/2020 19:21

YgritteSnow Thankfully I’m a cop. If I was a despatcher I would probably have been sacked long ago for shouting at numpties. And I don’t just mean the people that call the police 😂

YgritteSnow · 16/05/2020 19:23

Oh ok, thanks for answering. I temped with the police many moons ago but only doing data input - crimes though so pretty interesting Smile

Nicknacky · 16/05/2020 19:25

YgritteSnow If it is something you are interested in you should definitely look into it. And the beauty of working with the police is that there are so many different areas to progress into.

MrsTumbletap · 16/05/2020 19:25

Are you planning on sending him back to school if/when the schools open?

There will be hundreds of children together, they will not social distance. The few that are in schools now are not social distancing so it's only a matter of time. This is why schools opening any time soon is ridiculous. So many people will be at risk.

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 16/05/2020 19:30

Phone the girlfriends mum and explain that as you need to protect your daughter he cannot return home, to do so he needs to isolate for 14 days, she can find it as she agreed to it, you didn’t.

Right, so the girlfriends family members are going out to work and having strep DC at intervals. That 14 days would need resetting over and over. Maybe the DS could be back for Christmas but I wouldn't guarantee it.

Or the OP could accept that the risk is fortunately very small, give DS a bollocking and make sure there is no further exposure.

Redglitter · 16/05/2020 19:32

@YgritteSnow Check your local Forces website for vacancies. I love my job even if I do despair at times. The crazy things people suggest phoning 101 for on here really is the tip of the iceberg 🤭

Feel free to PM me if you want any more info

SlightyJaded · 16/05/2020 19:33

Isolate at home.

Food and drink left outside his door (or tent flap!), although I don't believe for one minute he wouldn't leave a tent in the night to visit GF, so my vote is for in his room.

Your DD deserves that.

ChilliCheese123 · 16/05/2020 19:35

I do feel a bit sorry for your son though. He has a sick sibling who he probably has had to consider in various ways through his life. I don’t mean that in any way as a criticism but he’s a kid, I don’t think he needs you to completely disown him over this, nor do you need to scream and cry.

cornish009 · 16/05/2020 19:40

I feel so sad of some people's lack of understanding of what shielding really means. But then perhaps if I was not in this situation I wouldn't understand either. It's been 9 weeks now (is it?) that no member of my household has left the premises, or we have seen any other family or friends. Shopping deliveries and post are left on the door step to be disinfected before bringing into the house, and then the shielded person being nowhere near incase anything was missed. In that time, life has gone on for everyone else, the usual sadnesses and joys of family life. But we cannot be a part of it. It's been the most unbearable thing not to hug my married daughter (living elsewhere) who has had had a personal tragedy. It's been equally unbearable not to hug our grandchildren. Despite this we have observed the rules 100%. And so I can understand the OP's anger and upset, perhaps feeling all those little sacrifices were pointless now her son could potentially put her daughter in danger.

But as for others stating the boys' age as being the reason for his actions. I don't agree. Yes, we all broke the rules on minor, sometimes, major issues at that age. But not many of us have seriously risked the life of a family member, not when it was a deliberate action. I am a foster carer and have teenagers here (and obviously as foster children they do not have the same sense of loyalty to us as our own children would have). They were told all this at the beginning, read the shielding letter and so on. The same goes for our own adult son with autism. They know that going out isn't the problem, we could not, nor would not stop them, but they couldn't come back if they did. And they've stuck to that rule 100% - as I would stick to the not coming back rule 100% too. Because a life is at stake here.

If the OP is anything like me that has been on my mind 24/7 for the past 9 or 10 weeks. Protecting the person who has to be shielded has to be top priority. It focuses your mind somehow, proirities have changed. And so had any member of the household done this they would not be coming back. I would forgive them, in time anyway, but I would not have them risk the health of anyone else by allowing them to return.

L777 · 16/05/2020 19:40

YABU. You were almost as stupid letting him go to see her as everyone else was for him going to their home. Why on earth would you believe they'd stay 2 metres apart? Look at your own errors, not just their. Two 16 year old would definitely kiss and cuddle and hold hands after, especially after not seeing each other for so long. Misplaced trust and you should've known better.

PowerStruggle · 16/05/2020 19:42

Not much difference in your letting him go see her and him going to her house, surely if you are worried about shielding your daughter you shouldn’t have been letting him out on his bike - you’re bound to realise they’d be having a less than two meters apart snog if not a shag in the bushes.

Pixieblu · 16/05/2020 19:42

OP you were not stupid to think your DS would be responsible and listen and stay 2m away from his girlfriend in the park as he has a sister who would die if she contracted the virus and you would have thought he would put her first.

Being a teenager is no excuse for such selfish behaviour. I have a 15 year old cousin in such a position and even his girlfriend has said she is not willing to see him until things are much better as she lives in a key worker household. That's a pair of 15 year olds in love and not willing to risk the health of my 5 year old cousin despite the consequences for them.

I would honestly pitch him a tent in the garden or tell him to stay there. I wouldn't trust his judgement to self isolate in the house as he has shown he doesn't care about his sister. I would fully expect him to be leaving the room when everyone is sleeping and fetching snacks and definitely not cleaning the bathroom probably as he seems to be of the opinion everyone is overreacting judging by his actions.The risks may be low to some people but the problem is the outcome would be so devastating if your DD were to catch it.

The woman is a cunt of the highest degree.

Booboodisney · 16/05/2020 19:43

@cornish009 but where does it end ? When there is a vaccine ? After that ? What about if this happens again ? Sorry but a life of literally never being able to leave your home isn’t a life .