To ask if you would judge someone for being single and pregnant

[Siablue]

If you knew a single woman who was going to go have a baby would you judge her? Would you make any assumptions about her situation if she was happy to pregnant? Would you ask her who the father was (if this was someone you knew but were not close to)?

I would not ever choose to get pregnant and raise a child by myself.

I don’t judge people that find themselves doing so, though I cannot understand why anyone would do it purposely no matter their financial status. I guess in theory I do judge women that do so intentionally, but in reality I’ve been supportive when the situation arose.

Not sure why anyone would even look at this thread if they are going to get angry at people that answer differently than them. You’d have to be living under a rock to think people have suddenly stopped judging one another for anything and everything.

I think some of us can’t believe the ignorance of some ^

I wouldn’t judge and would have a poor opinion of anyone who did (reverse judgypants).

Once I read on here, someone say that as they got older they realised more and more how complex life is, and found themselves to be less and less judgemental. I feel the same way. So no, I wouldn't judge a single pregnant person. There are many reasons why that might be but none of them are my business. I'd assume she's doing her best, as I am, and as I assume everyone else is.

No because its her business. I split with my eldest father before I knew I was expecting. I wasn't going to go back just because I was expecting and I wasn't going to abort my child because of my opinions of his father. Its not your place to ask questions if she wanted you to know she would tell you.

@MarieQueenofScots it is true and sad. A lot of women without a strong enough sense of themself will feel the weight of that judgement too heavily and they will shack up with and their is a shield from random judgement in that.

No, I wouldn’t judge a woman having a baby alone, and I wouldn’t assume a woman having a baby without a partner was unhappy with her situation. I have a friend who was viciously jilted by her fiancé a few weeks before their wedding. A couple of years later she decided to have a baby via a sperm donor. She wanted to be a mother, and she had no desire to wait around in hope of meeting a suitable man. She’s a lovely woman and a wonderful mother, and she and her baby are very happy.

I would only ask someone who the father was if they were a close friend, otherwise I think it’s rude.

@Homestayer - statically Bangladeshi people overall in the UK are more likely to be poorer and have poorer outcomes for their children. Should they not have children either?

I think there is a lot of weird misogynistic attitudes about single mums (not single dads tho - they’re usually seen as heroes). I agree @MarieQueenofScots it’s a lot to do with the idea that women are nothing without a man and that that’s how they derive their status. It’s not something I subscribe to but is unfortunately ok too common on mn.

No, because quite apart from the fact I'm not a refugee from 1950, I'd be a hypocrite because I was one. However I'd be lying if I said other people don't either, ime mainly women desperate to prove they are middle class by looking for others to put down to try and prove their own pretend social status.

I didn't mind questions about who the father was, was it planned etc, unless of course the person asking got offended when I asked them the same in return. Apparently some people with partners consider themselves to be above having their relationships and family planning brought up as light conversation, it's only single parents that are fair game.

As I've not rtfd, sorry if I'm repeating others. But unless someone has a link to very recent research, there isn't any that says it leads to worse outcomes in itself, the statistics are all linked to poverty/ low income.

Read some proper research. By Susan Golombok. No, can't believe you'd even ask the question! I would definately judge someone who holds such pulsating views though. Unless they were in their 80s. And asking them about the 'father' is nobody's business apart from the pregnant friends!

Outdated. Not pulsating!

No, accidents happen and the bloke involved isn't always someone who is good for a relationship. Or, they could have chosen IVF alone. Not my business.

Tbh I'd probably judge if she had quite a few children and said they were all accidents because I'd wonder how she hadn't figured out contraception yet.

It's about the quality of parenting. And social context. But where the social context is about looking down on single parents, then it becomes a problem. But the solution lies with educating people out of their outdated, judgemental attitudes

And not vilifying single mothers

Not at all.
If she was a friend, I wouldn’t ask who the father is either, none of my business.

cayrol I never said anyone shouldn't have children, just that outcomes of children of single parents are statistically worse than for those with two.

That's all I'm saying.

If anyone is interested in reading non daily mail, authoritative, highly respected reseasrch. See <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susan_Golombok&ved=2ahUKEwiV74Kn7bbpAhXVVRUIHYeXDp4QFjANegQIDRAB&usg=AOvVaw3-CWFcWcoAnAyPz5-Oqt2c" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susan_Golombok&ved=2ahUKEwiV74Kn7bbpAhXVVRUIHYeXDp4QFjANegQIDRAB&usg=AOvVaw3-CWFcWcoAnAyPz5-Oqt2c

@Homestayer overall yeah. Same as for certain racial groups as I said.

@HannaYeah - really, you genuinely can’t imagine why anyone would want to have a child without a partner?

Do you have any valid statistics or research for that @Homestayer? And I mean research isolating the outcome for children raised by single parents, not linked to poverty, or traumatic relationship breakdowns etc.

I imagine not, your judgement is based on badly interpreting statistics to come to a false conclusion.

No it's none of your business. Whst has it really got to do with anyone else if shes single? It will be her raising the baby not you so why you worried?

Yes, ideally, children should have to parents...but this world is far from ideal.

Studies show that those who judge the loudest have plenty of hidden skeletons.

two*

I have been on my own raising my child since birth and I really don't like being called a single mum . I prefer to be called by my name or to be called a Mum .

No and no. It would be none of my business.

I wouldn't judge. I regret not having my children by myself.