To ask if you would judge someone for being single and pregnant

[Siablue]

If you knew a single woman who was going to go have a baby would you judge her? Would you make any assumptions about her situation if she was happy to pregnant? Would you ask her who the father was (if this was someone you knew but were not close to)?

I wouldn't judge, but I would be concerned. Because raising a child is hard, even with two parents.

I was pregnant with my third when I finally left my first husband, and people judged me plenty for that. Tbh, if you’re planning on having children under any circumstances be prepared to be judged, it’s the curse of parenting.

I'm a single mum and my children don't all have the same father. Is it so shocking in 2020 that a woman may have shagged more than one man by middle age? I used to get blatantly judgemental questions far more when I was young with just one DC though. Someone straight out asked me if I had DS1 to get a council house, even though I was private renting so no. Someone else told me that uni was a waste of time for a single mum as I could just go on benefits, no doubt they'd then have called me a scrounged. I believe i was reported for benefit fraud too not long after my brother visited. I think someone saw a man arrive and massively jumped to conclusions. I was actually only getting the single person discount on my council tax but they came out anyway to question me. They never said I'd been reported but kept saying did I know I had to let them know if I was no longer single, was I sure no one else contributed to the household etc. Some people are just way too invested in other people's lives.

People judge married couples and couples who have been been together for a long time and own houses etc. So of course a single woman will be judged. It’s just how some people are.

I'm single and pregnant , my boyfriend walked out on me and won't return my calls previously had stated we wanted a family/future etc. My family and friends are so supportive. My door is always open for baby's dad but it's up to him. Couldn't care less if people judge , I pay my bills , ni and tax so unless people are paying my bills I couldn't care.
My parents had a great marriage but my grandparents had a horrible one , two parent don't necessarily always work

In response to the OP:

Question 1. No
Question 3. No
Question 3. Not in any circumstances whatsoever.

In response to a PP: Study, after study, after study prove beyond any doubt that outcomes across the board are better for children raised by both of their parents as a family.

Then you crack on and raise your family according to your lights. There is, contrary to the assumptions underlying this kind of view, no set-in-stone morality that's applicable to every person in every given situation. Other people's reasons for alternative structures are varied, complex, and entirely their own business.

As to 'studies', if you want to see who stands to gain from these then look up who commissioned them, together with the bodies who provided the research funding. The results are rarely a surprise.

No, not my business. Life's hard enough for everyone as it is. Good luck to anyone embarking on being a parent, its difficult.

@Homestayer being a single mum can make it harder financially and emotionally but that doesn’t mean all single mums struggle financially or even that becoming a single mum will cause them to do so. Many single mums are quite well off and have plenty of financial and educational resources to devote to their children. So why are you judging single mums because you say they are more likely to be poor. Why not judge all poor people who have children?

Tbh some fathers who don’t live with their children are more involved than some of those who do. But either way, we shouldn’t be judging women for being single mums as if it’s some sort of moral crime.

There but for the Grace of God go the Judgy Cunts themselves.

Cayrol you are right, some are doing absolutely fine. Like I said earlier, i went judge anyone solely for being a single mum.

However statistically single parents are more likely to be worse off, financially and socially than multiple parent families. That's not me having a go, it's just a fact.

My mum was a single mum and I turned out very sucessfully, but I know I'm one of the outliers.

I'd not judge, but I'd wonder if they knew what they were in for. I'd hope they were well supported and that they had access to objective info re. termination in making their decision to continue with the pregnancy.

I massively respect single mothers. DD is 9mo and I had no idea how challenging parenting can be, at many points over the last year myself and DH have said how bloody amazing you'd have to be to do this alone. Single parents of multiples blows my mind.

Anyone who would judge is a toad, best ignored.

I know this isn't really what this thread is about, but can anyone suggest what single mothers could do not to he judged (by hopefully the small minority that do)? What makes a 'successful' single parent?

I wouldn't judge a single pregnant person, it's nothing to do with me, and I wouldn't 'hope they knew what they were getting into', that's just another judgement. I think people judge others for any reason from a place of insecurity, narrow mindedness or possibly because of lack of education. You can believe research resources you have read without passing judgement on anything, but approach it with understanding and an open mind, but I think this is more difficult for some and judgement may be easier.

There’s not a lot you can do. Anybody can become a single mum at any point there’s no formula to this.

but can anyone suggest what single mothers could do not to he judged (by hopefully the small minority that do)?

Have a man 🙄 too much of society is bought into the notion that relationship = success.

Ha ha ha 'not ideal' FFS seriously?

No I wouldn't judge or ask questions.

Nope I wouldn’t judge

No I wouldn't judge, none of my business. If it was someone I was able to be supportive or kind to then I would.

No I wouldn't judge, but honestly I would feel sorry for them. It's hard enough raising a child in a partnership, being single is even more difficult. If they were a close friend, I would offer support in any way I could.

Sucks right now as a friend has become a single mother during lockdown and I can't help her at all. She does have good support though from her parents which is good.

@MarieQueenofScots ha! Yes, any one will do !

No I wouldn't ask or even care, its none of your business.

@bumblebee7 good point, perhaps that's were the judgment stems from

No, it’s none of my business. But I might feel a bit sad for her if she has no one else to support her. I couldn’t do it alone myself!

@Homestayer do you really think you are one of the outliers because you turned out well from a single parent household?! (Im not entirely sure what the definition of 'turning out well' is)

If you only have one income in you will have less money obviously than if you had two. However that doesnt equal poverty or deprivation. And one persons income could easily be more than a households two incomes.

Do you judge stay at home parents equally? After all they too will have less money coming in as only one income.

Plus single parent doesnt mean no help, people have friends and family.

Being disadvantaged doesnt mean harming your child. It doesnt mean a bad life or childhood.

As a society it is a problem that children from deprived backgrounds are disadvantaged. However this isnt the fault of poor people, and it doesnt mean deprived people shouldnt have children. It is a problem with society

People arent obtuse because they disagree with you.

The only person judgement that has any consequence on our situations is our own.
We cant control other peoples thoughts or behaviours only our own.
So if you are judging yourself address that as it will hold you back from making the very best out of the situation you are in.

I’d wonder but I wouldn’t ask unless I knew them well.