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AIBU?

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Original poster

My husband threw away my cooking pot 😡

172 replies

CoCoCorona · 15/05/2020 04:13

So things were going so nice. I was enjoying lockdown with my dh. Really felt we’d made a deeper connection than ever in the last 2 months.

2 days ago I was about to cook and couldn’t find my pot. It belonged to my mum (who died many years ago) so it has sentimental value. I loved cooking in that pot. It was old and rustic. The base was all uneven and the handle was a bit loose but that’s what made it my favourite pot. I have so many memories of my mum making things in it.

I looked for it everywhere whilst dh sat there acting like he didn’t know. I checked back of cupboards, on top, dishwasher everywhere.

After half an hour he tells me that it broke a few weeks ago whilst he was washing. Apparently it fell and the handle snapped off from the base and so he threw it away.

FFS. We have broken things lying in the house for months and years and he won’t dispose of them...but my mum’s pot breaks and he made the executive decision to chuck it without even telling me 😡. I’ve not spoken to him properly for 2 days now. And I’m really sad my mum’s pot is in some dump somewhere.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/05/2020 04:31

I would be every bit as upset that you are. How dare he throw it away without asking you?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2020 04:35

I looked for it everywhere whilst dh sat there acting like he didn’t know.

Why?

HannaH021 · 15/05/2020 04:36

Argh that would upset me too.
just remember that he might not have understood the sentimental value it had to you.

LostDesire · 15/05/2020 04:47

Bloody hell, why would he do that. Surely he knew it was your mother's.

YANBU to be upset with him big time. Hope he is begging for forgiveness.

Also I know it's a stupid question, but is there anyway it's still in the bin? Our bins are every two weeks, so maybe.

I know how upsetting it must be but remember, you still have all the lovely memories, they have not left with the pot. Flowers

maras2 · 15/05/2020 04:47

BASTARD.
How dare he do that.
Angry Angry Angry
So disrespectful Angry

Original poster
CoCoCorona · 15/05/2020 04:50

@MrsTerryPratchett I think he suddenly had a lightbulb moment and froze. He’s been sheepishly quiet since then, the dumbass.

He did know how sentimental it was because every time I cooked in it I’d say food tastes so much better when I use it as its has years of service. I have memories of my mum making custard and giving me the pot to scrape up the last bits.
All those memories thrown away ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
CoCoCorona · 15/05/2020 04:52

No he put it in the green bin weeks ago. I only noticed now. He can’t even dispose of rubbish properly the idiot. I’m sure we’re not supposed to put metal items in the household waste.

OP posts:
mayormaynot · 15/05/2020 04:57

I really feel for you, I've 'lost' things with sentimental value and it really hurts. I think he is a dumb ass. Do you have any pictures of your pot? I mean accidental ones taken in the kitchen where it might appear? You can look at those to remember it. I think your husband should be given the task of searching all the kitchen/food pics to see if you can find any. Also he should buy you your perfect new pot, not as a replacement, but so you can start the cycle of lovely pot memories from scratch.

Original poster
CoCoCorona · 15/05/2020 05:04

@mayormaynot I’m not sure I have pictures as I’m not the photo type, but I’d have to search through old pics of my mum. Thanks for the idea. He did say he’ll go and buy me a new pot, and I’ve sternly told him not to bother to which he got huffy and told he WILL buy a new pot 🤨. Idiot.

My dd is lovely and told me at least we still have her old rolling pin and wooden board, which is true. They’re from the 70’s and still good as new. So I should be grateful I have something. But it’s still sad I don’t have the pot anymore.

OP posts:
Sparticuscaticus · 15/05/2020 05:11

It's sad that such a well loved item has gone taking all those memories of Mum, you and using it together

But you still have them. Just not the object that helps trigger them

I totally understand your feeling of loss and frustration at not being able to say bye before it went to pot heaven to Join mum, or. To have chance to Fix it , like you couldn't your mum.

It's not just an item, it's on some ways Mum, carrying on down the line and helped you feelClose to her. You can't hand it down now, it's gone with no ceremony or choice.

Naughty husband for throwing it away without showing you, he's ripped that shared memory away. Naughty for waiting so Long to tell you.

Hopefully he'll have thought it through and apologise deeply and make it up to you.

Sometimes a broken Pot does need to be thrown away but he was insensitive with this one.

And fgs throw away the other broken items you said are laying around , even if you put in black bag by the bin.

timeisnotaline · 15/05/2020 05:27

Hmm. You can’t fix the pot situation but I would tell my dh there’s a list of at least 10 things off the top of my head, I’ll list and he can write them down, which need to be got rid of, and they had better be done by dinner time as he’s so efficient at getting rid of things, so least you get a small win out of it.
Remind him to put them in the right bin. If he’s not sure it’s called the internet and knowing how to read.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/05/2020 05:45

He is an idiot. You need time to process this. My dh does stupid things every now and then or tells me I have to get rid of stuff. We have had a few very heated conversations.

Fudgewhizz · 15/05/2020 05:49

I'd be hopping mad and really upset too. I'm so sorry.

Hwyrynos · 15/05/2020 05:59

Flowers that’s rubbish, I’m sorry xx

STAYTHEFUCKHOME · 15/05/2020 06:07

He didn’t have a fucking epiphany whilst you were looking for it. He knew full well what he had done, the prick.

TheSandgroper · 15/05/2020 07:06

If my dh did this, I would be in floods of tears for days and not apologising for it.

I would expect a sizeable amount of cash so that I could go out, on my own, in my own time, to buy myself a replacement pot. I would need a pot I could imagine myself using. No way would fuckwit husband have a say in it. That would make it two executive decisions telling me what I wanted. Err, no.

DonLewis · 15/05/2020 07:12

Oh no. There's no way to fix this and that's really hard.
I lost one of my mums earrings. My own fault. I didn't want to speak to myself for days. It sounds like a joke, but it isn't. I was so fucking furious with myself. So for someone else to be responsible, I can't imagine the fury.

The only thing that I can think of that's constructive is look on eBay for a similar one. Or won't be the same, I know. Either that, or get a fancy circulon pan and it'll be an heirloom for your dd.

Flowers
TheBusDriver · 15/05/2020 07:13

Get a grip it was a broken pot. You will always have the memories.

Making a mountain out of a mole hill no wonder he took days to admit it as he knew how you would react.

Bluntness100 · 15/05/2020 07:14

The memories haven’t gone op they are still in your head. And if the pot broke I’m sure your mum would also have thrown it away.

Yes he should have told you but likely was worried. Doesn’t excuse it but some folks react like that.

I doubt your mum would wish you to be this upset or to be ignoring your husband for days over her old broken pot. 💐

KatherineJaneway · 15/05/2020 07:16

What an inconsiderate idiot.

Ullupullu · 15/05/2020 07:19

Not speaking to someone for 2 days is horrible. "The silent treatment". It's an overreaction over an object.

SinkGirl · 15/05/2020 07:21

I totally understand. I would be furious with my husband if he did something like this. No solution obviously but you are not overreacting.

When you start to feel a bit better, maybe that’s the time to buy yourself a beautiful new pot that can become your pot in your daughter’s memories.

Sending Flowers to you. I’m very sentimental about my mums’ things so I completely understand.

SinkGirl · 15/05/2020 07:23

Making a mountain out of a mole hill no wonder he took days to admit it as he knew how you would react.

Nonsense. In that case he wouldn’t have just thrown it in the bin. He knew it belonged to her mum and that it was special to her and he just binned it. It’s thoughtless at best.

Inthepurplerain · 15/05/2020 07:24

It’s not healthy to build such a connection with an item that belonged to a loved one. Not having the pot doesn’t change your memories.
Cooking in the pot doesn’t keep her with you.

Not talking to someone for 2 days is awful, it’s abusive. Stop it.

Move on, you’ll be so much happier when you do.

Watermelontea · 15/05/2020 07:26

Sentimental items are impossible to replace, but you’ll always have the memories.
The idea of looking for a photo of it being used is a great idea, pin in next to the cooker and it’ll help to bring those memories back again.
I lost my engagement ring in December, after taking it off during pregnancy as my fingers became swollen, and I still can’t forgive myself for not putting it somewhere safer (I suspect my toddler or husband have accidentally moved it/binned it.)
My wedding ring looks too strange without it, as it is shaped, so I don’t wear that and my hand feels naked.
Try and forgive him, but only after he’s grovelled, helped you sift through old photos, and given you the money to buy a new one yourself.