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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband threw away my cooking pot 😡

172 replies

CoCoCorona · 15/05/2020 04:13

So things were going so nice. I was enjoying lockdown with my dh. Really felt we’d made a deeper connection than ever in the last 2 months.

2 days ago I was about to cook and couldn’t find my pot. It belonged to my mum (who died many years ago) so it has sentimental value. I loved cooking in that pot. It was old and rustic. The base was all uneven and the handle was a bit loose but that’s what made it my favourite pot. I have so many memories of my mum making things in it.

I looked for it everywhere whilst dh sat there acting like he didn’t know. I checked back of cupboards, on top, dishwasher everywhere.

After half an hour he tells me that it broke a few weeks ago whilst he was washing. Apparently it fell and the handle snapped off from the base and so he threw it away.

FFS. We have broken things lying in the house for months and years and he won’t dispose of them...but my mum’s pot breaks and he made the executive decision to chuck it without even telling me 😡. I’ve not spoken to him properly for 2 days now. And I’m really sad my mum’s pot is in some dump somewhere.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 15/05/2020 07:26

It was broken......?

Gtugccbjb · 15/05/2020 07:27

I’m your husband in this situation. I have zero attachment to material possessions and despite being alive 40 years I am constantly surprised how much people become attached to things. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve got into trouble for doing stuff like this in my life. My mind wouldn’t understand why a broken pot would do anything other than go straight in the bin. People get so angry with me if I ever jeopardise their material possessions.

They aren’t complaining when they get hoards and hoards of new/ good stuff I have brought but suddenly decide I don’t want. Or when they damage or lose something of mine and I’m completely laid back about it. HOWEVER the good will from that never seems to accumulate and they still go bonkers about their own stuff.

I am definitely in the minority with this attitude though. I’m sure 99% of Mumsnetters will suggest you leave the bastard and it’s abuse.

Ostanovka · 15/05/2020 07:32

So sorry to hear this I'd be livid too. How about looking for a Le Creuset in your mum's favourite colour? You can make new memories with your DD.

littlebitleaveit · 15/05/2020 07:32

As much as I sympathise with the sentimental value of this. I do not know you're husband but it springs to mind that it was only when you were looking for the pot and he clicked, he realises and felt bad, meaning he didn't wanna hurt you further so kept a bit quiet. I think you need to tone it down a bit..

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 15/05/2020 07:32

I'm very sentimental about things I have that belonged to my parents. I have something in every room if my house that belonged to one or other of my parents. Thankfully my DH feels the same way as me so would never throw any of these treasured possessions out. However, giving someone you love the silent treatment for 2 days is a vile and childish thing to do. If I was treated like that, I'd leave.

TheSandgroper · 15/05/2020 07:45

Watermelontea all is not lost re your engagement ring. My late dm lost her engagement ring in the gutter outside her work. She came straight home, collected us all and we spent hours in that gutter combing it. Early closing day so not a lot of options for it to stick to something. We couldn’t find it.

Fast forward at least twelve months, a bloke comes in with a battered, twisted, pitted ring with the stones out and asked if they knew anyone who had lost a ring. It was dm’s ring found in the same ten metre stretch it was lost.

Dad had bought her a new ring in the meantime but I have the twisted scrap still nearly 40 years later. Hang in there.

justanotherneighinparadise · 15/05/2020 07:52

You’ve reminded me that right now I’m laying in bed wrapped up in a sheet that was my nans. Some of the sheets I kept still have her hand-darned repairs ahd yes I’d be extremely pissed off if my DP threw them away because he decided they were old and worthless.

BeatrixPottersAlterEgo · 15/05/2020 07:58

Oh I'd be really furious about this too. He shouldn't have chucked it without telling you. I agree that you should buy a new pot that you can start a new tradition with

LifeAfterBreastCancer · 15/05/2020 07:59

Awful thing to do.

It reminds me of the post on here a couple of years ago from the woman whose husband got rid of her much loved collection of children's books. There are a few posts that stand out to me and that was one of them. She sounded so lovely too.

OlaEliza · 15/05/2020 08:01

I think putting it in the green bin means he knew what he was doing. He was hiding it.

PicsInRed · 15/05/2020 08:03

Is he a sulker or a punisher?
Does he resent when you are happy?

It seems odd that he doesn't throw his own broken things out but immediately threw out your much loved pot - which you've spent lockdown cooking with and enjoying yourself.

Is he a resentful man?

PicsInRed · 15/05/2020 08:04

I wouldn't be sure the handle broke either.

mw90 · 15/05/2020 08:06

Hi sorry to here this. I know it's not the same but how about you and your daughter chose a pot together and pass on the recipes your mum used to do, building new memories and reliving old ones x

Fallsballs · 15/05/2020 08:11

I’d be more pissed off he watched you looking for the pot and said nothing. He sounds childish, but you must know the nature of the man by now ?

deydododatdodontdeydo · 15/05/2020 08:13

I’ve not spoken to him properly for 2 days now.

Lovely. Sulking and silent treatment.
It's only a pot.

Wolfiefan · 15/05/2020 08:16

Just a guess.
He broke it. He knew how you would react so he disposed of the pieces instead of owning up.
I understand this meant a lot to you. But it was a pot. And one that you used regularly. Eventually it was always going to bite the dust.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/05/2020 08:18

Oh no. It sounds like he made a terrible mistake, not thinking at the time.

You don't imagine for a second that it was a malicious act, do you? That would be different.

He needs to apologise very fulsomely, then ask what you want him to do, as recompense.

PicsInRed · 15/05/2020 08:20

Silent treatment is wrong, but this isnt "silent treatment". He threw away her treasured memento of her beloved mother, sat back and cruelly watched her look for it and isn't the least bit sorry.

What is there to talk about? We aren't required to effectively forgive just to avoid a couple of days of silence. He is in the wrong and refuses to make it right. What's she supposed to say to him? "Sunny day outside"? Sweep it under the rug? The onus is on the wrong doer to apologise, mean it, and make it right (as much as possible). He won't because he doesn't give a shit.

LagunaBubbles · 15/05/2020 08:21

Get a grip it was a broken pot. You will always have the memories

What a horrible reply to soneone thst is upset. OK you clearly don't agree with her being upset but she is. And that's your reply to get a grip?!

Longdistance · 15/05/2020 08:21

I bet the handle didn’t break. He’d already lied about not seeing it Angry

Well, at least the rolling pin will come in handy. How’s the patio doing?

HealingCalmingSoothing · 15/05/2020 08:30

I'm so sorry. I have a bread pot from my nana that I cherish and would be devastated if it was broken. We also have a silver tea set of my husbands nana and he doesn't give a damn about it. He just does t have the sentiment I do and wouldn't care if he never saw it again. He is not a bad man. He just thinks differently.

BrutusMcDogface · 15/05/2020 08:30

I think a lot of this depends on what sort of person he is, and what kind of relationship you both have. If he’s a loving, caring, wonderful man all the time apart from this one time when he had a lapse of judgment (it was broken, but he should have told you before binning it or at least told you while he watched you look for it....) then I’d say move on and accept his apology.

If, on the other hand, he’s horrible and constantly does hurtful things then this could be more serious.

On the face of it, he shouldn’t have thrown it without asking you, BUT it was broken! To most people a broken pot is rubbish.

Hope you’re feeling better this morning.

ChaToilLeam · 15/05/2020 08:32

He’s an arse. He should have known it meant a lot to you.

thedancingbear · 15/05/2020 08:34

He's an arse.

Silent treatment for days on end is abusive.

Tappering · 15/05/2020 08:35

@Gtugccbjb you might not have an attachment to material possessions - would you throw away something that belonged to someone else, without asking them?

Not being bothered about things for yourself doesn't mean that you can't respect someone else's feelings about sentimental items.

I lost a ring that my MIL gave me years ago. I was quite upset when I realised as she's dead now, and I was quite attached to the ring as it was a nice reminder of her.