Was I nasty/selfish to not help this man today?

[newyorkcity9]

Was on my way to work this afternoon (I’m a shift worker) and needed to stop by the office on the way to my call to pick some paperwork up. The parking outside the office is terrible so I normally just pull up on double yellows and run in quickly. I was no more than 5 minutes when I returned to my car to find another car parked in front of me and there were two men standing next to it with the bonnet up fiddling with things.

Just as I was about to get in and drive off, one of the men came up to me and asked if that was my car to which I said yes. He explained he had a flat battery and would I mind if he used my car to jumpstart it, I said no, sorry and explained I was in a rush to get to work (not strictly true but I didn’t want to be rude). The actual reason why I said no was because I felt slightly uneasy letting two random strangers mess around with my car. My car is my pride and joy and also a requirement that I need to do my job (without a car I can’t work).

I have no clue about these sorts of things, but if I did I may have felt slightly better about letting them use it as I could have observed. They could of pressed the wrong thing/broken something and I would be none the wiser.
After I said no, the man kept saying “oh but it’ll only take a minute”. I just reiterated about being late for work and apologised. As I got into my car, he walked away and I heard him mumble under his breath “bitch”, they were also giving me dirty looks when I drove away so I was kind of glad I didn’t help them tbh.

I’m just doubting myself now though. If it was you, would you have helped? I’m a carer so my job is to help people. I had a flat battery a few years ago but my brother helped me sort it, I would of never of thought to ask a random stranger on the street. AIBU?

But one of the nice things about having a Prius is that it can't be used to jump start another car.

Dosent stop you tow starting another car unless its an electric one too;)..

You did entirely the right thing. I agree with PP that it’s all very dodgy and even if it wasn’t, you said no and they didn’t want to take that for an answer then verbally abused you.

@SodaSloth no it's not every man, but how are we to know. The dangerous ones don't wear a neon sign saying they'll hurt you. I wouldn't risk blindly trusting a total stranger in the hopes they aren't one of the dangerous ones. How do you think all these women end up dead at the hands of men they didn't know? They trusted them, or didn't want to be rude.

I know exactly how to use jump leads and always have a set in my car. If I needed a jump start and the first one or two people I asked said no, I wouldn’t think much of it. It’s a faff, it takes a bit of time, lots of people are in a hurry and don’t understand how it works and many might think it’s a scam.

So YADNBU to refuse and should now forget about it. Especially as your instincts were validated by their rude reaction.

Oops, sorry everyone! I posted this then went back into work, I've just read all your comments now.

I 100% agree I should learn more about this stuff and I will plan to at some point. If it helps I do know how to fill up the screen wash (). I guess I'm just very lucky because my brother is a bit of a car enthusiast so he helps me normally whenever something goes wrong.

It's very sad, but yes my car is my pride and joy. I don't have kids so I need something to love right? I only bought it last year brand new so I do want to look after it and after having seen some of the comments about how it isn't great to jump start newer models, I am rather glad I didn't help them now. I wouldn't be able to afford to replace something had they done it wrong.

I also appreciate the comments about how it would have only taken a second to jumpstart it and I could of watched, but as I've already said I have no clue about this sort of stuff so how would I know if they were doing the right thing in the first place? The car they had was much older, I think the plate was 03.

YANBU. Women are conditioned to this kind of shit and ignoring their own impulses. There was a thread on here the other day, about the second week of bloody lockdown, a delivery person knocked on the OP's door, she was a lone parent with two unwell kids, and asked to use her toilet, the only one was upstairs in her house. She felt uneasy and said no. MNers had a competition among themselves to determine who could roast her the hottest for being so 'unkind'.

Do yourself a HUGE favour, download a copy of Gavin de Becker's 'The Gift of Fear' and read it and then read it again.

I would neither agree to help or ask for help. I have breakdown cover and I would phone them rather than ask a random on the street for help.

Very selfish of you in my opinion ,

Just hope you never breakdown and need a jump start..when someone tells you no you'l no what it feels like.

@MeridianB It’s really not a whole lot of faff.

OP you couldn’t damage your car by jumping it.

He shouldn’t have sworn at you but why on earth wouldn’t you help someone in need. You’ve made it sound like you parked directly outside your office, rather than out in the middle of nowhere which would have been completely different, so I don’t understand why you wouldn’t help.

@Louise91417 I have been in that position and thankfully my brother helped me, but it would have never of occurred to me to ask a random stranger tbh.

Back in the 1990’s/ early 2000’s I had jump leads and knew how to jump start a car but these days as @Willow2017 says, cars are more complicated and I wouldn’t do it with my car now.

The battery is still the battery and is still easy to find.

I’d have helped, staying in my car to do so.

They didn't take no for an answer and then called you a bitch so your instincts were 100% spot on. I cringe to imagine how many women have been victims of perpetrators who preyed on their social conditioning to always 'be kind' and not be 'selfish' and give people 'the benefit of the doubt' and 'everyone deserve a chance'. I can bet money if they approached a man and he told them no that would have been the end of it.

@icansmellburningleaves I've already explained why I didn't want to help in my op. It was because I don't know how to jumpstart a car and I was worried they may damage something (and I would be none the wiser as I wouldn't have a clue as to what their doing).

OP you couldn’t damage your car by jumping it.
Maybe you had better tell all the mechanics, AA, RAC etc that then? They obviously got it all wrong!

:19:18
Just hope you never breakdown and need a jump start..when someone tells you no you'l no what it feels like
Because the person she helped is gonna pay to fix her car if its fried aren't they? Yeah sure.

At the moment with so many cars being parked up for weeks a flat battery is far more likely.

I know a lot of posters said you need to feel safe but your post makes it sound like it was more you didnt want them touching in you car. maybe they picked up on this although their reaction is not justified obviously.

I would have helped and like to think others would do so for me. If you were in a very isolated location maybe a safety first approach is best but only you know if alarm bells were ringing or you were just precious about a car.

Jump-starting with cables connected to a running vehicle can create a voltage surge large enough to fry expensive computers in either vehicle. You did the right thing

I would of stayed in my car. Locked the door, popped the bonett, they could of attached the leads, you revved, Bobs you uncle

Just look at the level of shaming and passive aggressive nastiness (a la hope it happens to you one day and then you'll know how it feels with a smiley emoticon after) you're getting here to realise just how deeply women are socially conditioned, OP. You felt uneasy. There's a reason for that, that's an entirely valid reason to say no. Download that book and be free of socially conditioned guilt and sexist bullshit for good.

Yes, I hope you take on board the posts commenting you for trusting your instinct OP.

Whatever happened to the MN mantra ‘no is a complete sentence’?

If OP had agreed and something awful had happened to her, people would be saying ‘well she shouldn’t have agreed to help them, why wasn’t she more careful blah blah blah’.

At the moment with so many cars being parked up for weeks a flat battery is far more likely.

They managed to start the car and drive it to where the OP was parked.

newyork, this is always a bad place to ask such a question.

The battery is still the battery and is still easy to find.
I’d have helped, staying in my car to do so.

Its not the battery thats the problem its the computers are yiu being deliberately awkward? What would have happened to ops job if her car needed extensive repairs she couldnt afford?
You as a woman alone would let 2 random strangers fiddle around in your car engine without knowing what they were doing? Ok.

That’s what the AA is for.