Was I nasty/selfish to not help this man today?

[newyorkcity9]

Was on my way to work this afternoon (I’m a shift worker) and needed to stop by the office on the way to my call to pick some paperwork up. The parking outside the office is terrible so I normally just pull up on double yellows and run in quickly. I was no more than 5 minutes when I returned to my car to find another car parked in front of me and there were two men standing next to it with the bonnet up fiddling with things.

Just as I was about to get in and drive off, one of the men came up to me and asked if that was my car to which I said yes. He explained he had a flat battery and would I mind if he used my car to jumpstart it, I said no, sorry and explained I was in a rush to get to work (not strictly true but I didn’t want to be rude). The actual reason why I said no was because I felt slightly uneasy letting two random strangers mess around with my car. My car is my pride and joy and also a requirement that I need to do my job (without a car I can’t work).

I have no clue about these sorts of things, but if I did I may have felt slightly better about letting them use it as I could have observed. They could of pressed the wrong thing/broken something and I would be none the wiser.
After I said no, the man kept saying “oh but it’ll only take a minute”. I just reiterated about being late for work and apologised. As I got into my car, he walked away and I heard him mumble under his breath “bitch”, they were also giving me dirty looks when I drove away so I was kind of glad I didn’t help them tbh.

I’m just doubting myself now though. If it was you, would you have helped? I’m a carer so my job is to help people. I had a flat battery a few years ago but my brother helped me sort it, I would of never of thought to ask a random stranger on the street. AIBU?

And yes, I might be a bitch but after having a car’s computer fried I don’t ask nor accept to jump start a battery.

Oh my goodness @Willow2017 that message made me shudder. I have an Audi really glad I didn't help them now. It's really not worth the risk.

This is one of those scenarios which makes me feel very sad for women as no man would ever have to feel fear about two unknown men asking a favour. Sadly we do, and a great deal of us would have done the same as you OP. The OP didn't say she was scared of the men, just worried about her car as she doesn't know how to jump start a car. A man might feel just the same, like the young man I mentioned earlier who needed me to do it for him.

And yes, I might be a bitch but after having a car’s computer fried I don’t ask nor accept to jump start a battery. How did they manage that? Did the get the leads the wrong way round or something?

Thank you @1forsorrow

@newyorkcity9, you're welcome. I've given up changing flat tyres, I reckon at pushing 70 it is best to leave somethings to the young and fit but it can be very empowering to learn how to do these things.

You can call a taxi for a jump start (I've done it). You need to pay £10 - £20 or so, and obviously explain when you're booking it that you want this, as not all taxi drivers will do it (and no one criticises them for that!). These men could have done that (at least in my area there are still taxis around).

Always trust your instincts. Maybe it would have been fine, who knows? But no reason for you to do anything you feel uncomfortable with.

I would have yes, unless I got a bad vibe off them. It is a very normal thing to do.

If it was down a dark alley and they were super shifty then perhaps not. But in normal circumstances absolutely yes.

How on earth can your car be your pride and joy but you don’t know how to bloody jump start it? .

YANBU - it's okay saying it's a 2 minute job, and you cab stay in your car and lock the doors etc - suppose they had incapacitated your engine and smashed your window?

A lone woman is very vulnerable. You trusted your instincts - that's all you can do. (That's what they'e there for)

These men may have been genuine - they may not. I wouldn't have taken the risk either if my instincts had been screaming "NO!"

How did they manage that? Did the get the leads the wrong way round or something?
No all it takes is a back surge of power and your car is fried. Roadside companies have blockers on thier equipment to prevent this. Normal basic jump leads dont.

@Willow2017 oh yes, mine have got surge protectors. They are bigger than most leads and useful if the car is in an awkward position as they are longer. They aren't that expensive, I've had mine for years.

How could it have been a ruse to get op to step out of her car?

1. She wouldn't have needed to get out, and
2. She hadn't even got in...

@Thisismytimetoshine you are just too logical but you aren't wrong.

Not something I'm normally accused of, I have to admit.

If you had helped him he,wouldn't have called you a bitch so don't think you can really say I'm glad I didn't help. I would have done and it's basic so you should know how,to do it.

It would have been a nice thing to do, but as a lone female surely they must realise that you probably weren't going to be comfortable with this? Calling you a bitch was uncalled for, although probably out of frustration more than aggression, but who knows? Better safe than sorry.

If you had helped him he,wouldn't have called you a bitch so don't think you can really say I'm glad I didn't help.

True. He could have pretended that he wasn’t a misogynistic prick instead. Oh OP, it’s all your fault he called you a bitch, can’t you see that? Oh yes. It’s always a woman’s fault when a man behaves like an asshole.

I’m trying to remember that rule about women being useful to men. Does anyone else have the lust?

Who cares? The guy was an arsehole and so in my books he deserved to be stuck on the side of the road for a very long time. Bravo for driving off on him

YANBU. I would not have done it either. How did they drive there with a flat battery?

Ouch! @SonnyRobes thank you.

I think that too @Bathonian2020 ....

People on here assuming that they're clearly raping murderers is just disgusting.
They could be genuinely in need.
They could be just arseholes.
They could be thieves.
They could be rapists.
They could be many things.

How do you tell the difference?

The car is important to OP. There's nothing wrong with that.

Ok I admit I don't know anything about cars with computers.. Where I live that's still science fiction, but how could jumping somebody else's car damage OP's systems? Can anyone explain that? Surely it's the car being jumped that is at risk?