Was I nasty/selfish to not help this man today?

[newyorkcity9]

Was on my way to work this afternoon (I’m a shift worker) and needed to stop by the office on the way to my call to pick some paperwork up. The parking outside the office is terrible so I normally just pull up on double yellows and run in quickly. I was no more than 5 minutes when I returned to my car to find another car parked in front of me and there were two men standing next to it with the bonnet up fiddling with things.

Just as I was about to get in and drive off, one of the men came up to me and asked if that was my car to which I said yes. He explained he had a flat battery and would I mind if he used my car to jumpstart it, I said no, sorry and explained I was in a rush to get to work (not strictly true but I didn’t want to be rude). The actual reason why I said no was because I felt slightly uneasy letting two random strangers mess around with my car. My car is my pride and joy and also a requirement that I need to do my job (without a car I can’t work).

I have no clue about these sorts of things, but if I did I may have felt slightly better about letting them use it as I could have observed. They could of pressed the wrong thing/broken something and I would be none the wiser.
After I said no, the man kept saying “oh but it’ll only take a minute”. I just reiterated about being late for work and apologised. As I got into my car, he walked away and I heard him mumble under his breath “bitch”, they were also giving me dirty looks when I drove away so I was kind of glad I didn’t help them tbh.

I’m just doubting myself now though. If it was you, would you have helped? I’m a carer so my job is to help people. I had a flat battery a few years ago but my brother helped me sort it, I would of never of thought to ask a random stranger on the street. AIBU?

How did the car get there if it wasn't there when you parked and had a flat battery?

if it was you and a friend who needed help and a man refused you'd be on here bitching about how unjust the world is

Oh I know exactly what you mean. After all we’re always reading and hearing stories of two women attacking men and women are absolutely terrible for the amount of them that rape men. The comparison is totally the same.

Yanbu op, I would've done what u did too and I like to think I'm a helpful person!

OP, I would not have done so in your situation, two strange men and me on my own. The fact he reacted as he did suggests there might have been something dodgy going on.

Trust your gut. Even if they weren't dodgy, you are absolutely under no obligation to do anything that makes you feel uneasy - don't second guess yourself.

YANBU. Don't give it a minute's thought.

You did the right thing OP, not just from a personal safety point of view but also because jumpstarting another vehicle can damage your car if it's a newer model. It's ok for all those saying how easy it is and how it only takes a minute when it's not their cars' sensitive electronics and computer settings they're putting at risk.

Well, to be fair QuantumEntanglement, my car is 16 years old. It would probably be safe jump starting a tank.

No, I wouldn’t have, not in that situation.

And I carry one of those booster boxes in the boot, so I wouldn’t have even had to jump it off my car. If I’d been with DH, yep, probably.

As pp said, power dynamics were off. You got a gut instinct something was off. Trust that.

You don’t have to be polite, you don’t have to be nice. You can say no. That’s ok. Would YOU have called a lone woman a bitch for not helping? Thought not.

@sodasloth, this 'not every man' business: fair enough, but you can't tell by looking, you know. I think the OP did the right thing and the fact that the guy called her a bitch means she made the right call, if you ask me.

And quantum is correct, I’d have jumped another car off my ratty old van, but absolutely not off my shiny new lease car.

The surges can utterly fuck the electronics, so if it was built after 2000. really don’t.

www.scotsman.com/lifestyle/cars/how-jump-start-modern-car-1482137

In short. Dont.

YANBU, I would worry it was a ruse as a single woman, sad but true. If it was a busy areas as you said then someone else would have been along/they could call the AA.

Your instincts were clearly right, they swore at you! How could that be justified in any universe?!

You clearly have a heart of gold - two men stop you then insult you and you feel guilty for not having helped them? Please check yourself.

You did the right thing

Maybe in a dark lane at night I’d say no, but mid afternoon on a busy street, I’d have said yes. I have jumpleads and know how to use them. I’m a biker though, and part of our community is that you stop to help anyone broken down. I’ve done it, and had other stop for me too.

Yeah I would have done the same. If it was a lone man in a car park who asked then I probably would have given him a jump but flat batteries aren't something that happen en route. So he just happened to break down next to you on double yellows, in the right position for you to jump start him (requires the cars be facing each other), opened his bonnet, discovered it was to do with the battery (can't see how?) in the space of 5 minutes? Yeah ok. Sounds dodgy as fuck and I don't blame you. But YABU for parking on double yellow lines even for 5 minutes.

Jump start isnt that much of a problem on older cars, on newer ones even people such as the AA have to have more speclist equipments these days!

You could have damaged this motah but it doses sound rather suss just how they got there?

Unless the battery just wasnt charging and or was that old that it couldnt retain a charge afdter someone else got them going and they stopped and couldnt get restarted but thats their problem!

I've got a set f commercial garage leads in my car but I do know how it should be done which car connects first and last and then how you start the one car first etc but best don't do it to a strangers car!

Hmm not sure. I probably would have done once, but in that scenario I would have felt a bit uneasy. And the fact he called you a bitch makes me think fuck him anyway.

If a man calls a woman a bitch for not giving him him what he wants then he's not the sort of man I want anything to do with. Your gut feeling was spot on, always trust it.

Nope, sorry. As a lone female I wouldn't have even considered it unless I was in a very, very, very crowded car park with plenty of people walking around. Even then, I still would have said no if I was getting that 'vibe'. I believe in the Gift of Fear.

But one of the nice things about having a Prius is that it can't be used to jump start another car.

Someone above mentioned Ted Bundy. But there have also been other criminals who have used the 'car broken down' or 'borrow your phone' to commit crimes, even it it's just mugging you or jacking your car. And it doesn't just happen to females.

@sodasloth oh stop it with your namalt shite

Eh what? She just had to raise her bonnet for approx 60 seconds!

Fuck this. Women are allowed to say no you know. And blokes who get told no shouldn't be verbally abusing a woman who's just said no to them. What a load of dodgy rapey bullshit.

And 60 seconds?! Fuck that too. What matter how long it would have taken? She said no-end of.

In my opinion you did the right thing for 3 reasons

1. The car not having been there before you went in seems suspicious.
2. There is no way you could have kept an eye on what they were doing and stayed safe inside your car, the open bonnet would be in the way
3. Covid-19, let them call roadside assistance who are presumably set up to maintain safe practices whilst assisting road-users.

This is very basic and would have taken a couple of mins max, they wouldn’t have damaged your car.
And quite frankly risk free

Really? There was a car in my local garage with half the computer bits fried due to doing a friend a favour and jump starting thier car!

No way i would risk my car these days i cant afford to replace

If your car hadn't started when you got back to it, would you have expected someone to help you? If you would, YWBU.
No i would have called my insurance breakdown service thats what i pay for.

I agree with @BelfryBat. They called you a bitch. Anyone that insists you help them or ignores you when you say no is a red flag to me. We teach the concept of "tricky people" to our children, but seemingly ignore that advice as adults. Trust your gut. Nice, safe men won't mind if you can't help, and certainly won't call you a bitch.

I'd have done the same as you.