Was I nasty/selfish to not help this man today?

[newyorkcity9]

Was on my way to work this afternoon (I’m a shift worker) and needed to stop by the office on the way to my call to pick some paperwork up. The parking outside the office is terrible so I normally just pull up on double yellows and run in quickly. I was no more than 5 minutes when I returned to my car to find another car parked in front of me and there were two men standing next to it with the bonnet up fiddling with things.

Just as I was about to get in and drive off, one of the men came up to me and asked if that was my car to which I said yes. He explained he had a flat battery and would I mind if he used my car to jumpstart it, I said no, sorry and explained I was in a rush to get to work (not strictly true but I didn’t want to be rude). The actual reason why I said no was because I felt slightly uneasy letting two random strangers mess around with my car. My car is my pride and joy and also a requirement that I need to do my job (without a car I can’t work).

I have no clue about these sorts of things, but if I did I may have felt slightly better about letting them use it as I could have observed. They could of pressed the wrong thing/broken something and I would be none the wiser.
After I said no, the man kept saying “oh but it’ll only take a minute”. I just reiterated about being late for work and apologised. As I got into my car, he walked away and I heard him mumble under his breath “bitch”, they were also giving me dirty looks when I drove away so I was kind of glad I didn’t help them tbh.

I’m just doubting myself now though. If it was you, would you have helped? I’m a carer so my job is to help people. I had a flat battery a few years ago but my brother helped me sort it, I would of never of thought to ask a random stranger on the street. AIBU?

Funny how many posters are berating women in general for their ignorance of vehicle maintenance when the OP was not in any need of hers but was instead being approached by 'stranded' strange men!

Ses stereotypes are alive and well, it seems.

Meanwhile, a story from a female relative who was walking to her car one evening and saw a lone man with the bonnet up. She stopped and suggested he open the boot instead and give a good rap with a spanner in a particular spot, indicating exactly where. He did as she suggested, and the car started at the next try. "Are you a mechanic?" "No, a vicar."

She still wonders what he must have thought, but it was a simple case of having previously owned the same make and model and knowing the fuel pump had bad habits. 😉

As for home appliances? It beggars belief how many women don’t know where the fuse box is in their house if there’s an electrical fault, or the stopcock to turn off the water if there’s a leak.

Most of the men I know don't know this either.

Exactly. They’re hardly vulnerable are they 🙄

If that battery was flat - how did it drive to that spot whilst the OP was getting her paperwork?

@Lincolnfield but there was nothing actually wrong with her car, it didn’t need fixed. She didn’t need to know how to fix it.

Even if you have no cash, most people don’t know how to fix a TV ffs. It’s a specialist area.

But yes, it is very arrogant of me to suggest using tradesmen who are qualified to fix these things

@Lincolnfield PS I can change a fuse thanks

YABU for thinking a little jump start will damage your car. That's plain daft.
But if I was not in a very public area with lots of people around I would not stop for 2 blokes.

@madcatladyforever - read the full thread.

You did the right thing OP and his reaction spoke volumes!

Stereotyping men and women is ridiculous. I know men who have no interest.in car mechanics. Why dont they have to prove themselves worthy before getting in a car?
How many cars these days have spare tyres? Back in the day i could change a tyre, clean spark plugs, etc. These days i dont need to. Havent changed a tyre in 10 years.

I made a better job of pointing one wall of my house than the builders who did the other walls i couldnt reach. Just because its a man doesnt mean its always better. I know women who are dab hands at diy, know where the fuse box is etc etc so blanket condemnation that "so many women dont know" is only based on people you know Lincolnfield not every woman and is dismissive of everyone who hasn't done the things you have done. Just because someone cant do something you can doesn't mean they are inferior. Bet i can do things you cant but who cares?

More importantly Op did get herself out of trouble she said no and left.

Probably because I grew up in the middle of nowhere, if battery is getting difficult to start, you replace it. You couldn't afford to break down in a remote area. So I've never had any jump starts let alone multiple.

My current car is wonderful and gives me a message saying low battery. My little excel was a bitch when it came to the battery. There'd be no indication of a problem eg little slower to start. You'd drive somewhere, get back in to leave and whammo, Nope. Wouldn't even turn over. Luckily it only did that every 5 years. I can replace a battery so would just walk to the nearest sales place and get one (now live in a large city and most servos sell batteries here).

Apparently with my current car, if the battery is replaced you are locked out of the centre console and need a special code to unlock it. Now it gives me notice I just take it to the shop and pay them a couple of extra $ to change it for me.

Personally I wouldn't have helped them, despite having been in the same situation myself. I didn't expect strangers to jumpstart me. I solved my own problem.

I'll add, before we were allowed to drive we were expected to know and be able to do basic car maintenance. I still make sure I can change a tyre in any car I buy (jack, spare wheel etc are in different places in different cars). I still drive remotely to visit family and mobile service is not always available, so you need to have basic competency. Strangely enough I'd be more inclined to help someone broken down remotely than someone in a large city.

Fuck that I wouldn't even let my neighbour do this recently. Sadly in my experience, no good turn goes unpunished so it's a no to good deeds that could potentially backfire.

I would be very suspicious if a car suddenly appeared broken down.
Sounds creepy to me. They could have been kidnappers. I have offered jump starts a few times in the past but I never would if they didn’t look local and the car outside their house.

You did well to say no and his misogynist remark reinforces the fact that they are not very nice and didn’t deserve your help whatever the circs.

YABU for thinking a little jump start will damage your car. That's plain daft

Maybe its plain daft not to know that it can fry your car to hell?

@MagnoliaJustice totally different scenario though - you were helped by a man seeing you had children plus you were in a busy airport carpark! This lady was in her own being approached by two men (who weren’t there previously) a car doesn’t park up and less than 5 minutes later have a flat battery!! You did the right thing OP! Ted Bundt used broken down cars to trap his victims!!

OP where have I been rude? I've given an opinion, which I'm allowed to do. It is my opinion that everyone who drives should know the basics- how to change a tyre/wheel, jump start a car, fill the water and check the oil. Lincoln has it spot on.

On the subject of whether you should have helped- your call, of course, but the next time you need help don't expect it.

PS You're

Best case scenario of her helping they are not criminals she helps them all fine

Worst case scenario of helping she is robbed raped or murdered

Worst case of not helping they have to wait longer for another motorist to help or spend on roadside assistance

It’s perfectly reasonable to drive without full mechanical knowledge or ability as long as you are in the AA or similar so can access help if needed

Funny that it obviously started at some time, to allow them to drive there, and possibly reverse up to your car. Suddenly it has a flat battery? Suspicious enough for you to have taken the wise decision to deny the request.

It's actually advisable that with some new cars you don't use them to jump start. We did with our motability car for a friend and the next day it wouldn't start. It had overridden the electronic eco system that decided where power goes and very nearly fried the system. The garage said we were lucky because it could have fried the lot but the eco system had literally shut down. He said newer cars are not recommended to be used to jump start like older ones are. If your car has been made in aldt ten years I wouldn't do it. But if asked like that again I'd just tell them that the garage has advised you not too because it can affect the electrical eco computer system. Apologise and leave.

As for home appliances? It beggars belief how many women don’t know where the fuse box is in their house if there’s an electrical fault, or the stopcock to turn off the water if there’s a leak.

Most of the men I know don't know this either.

Yes your right on both counts. Had DD3 wailing about her electricity bill this week, and she lamented why don't they teach you things like this when your at school?

Yes, and basic home maintenance and car for that matter too?

House leccy isnt rocket science and the way a car works isnt either be it petrol or diesel its basicly the same, apart from electric cars!

One thing is these days s as someone earlier pointed out id that they do use more on board computer systems which keep ypu tied to the makers main dealers and cost Two bloody arms and legs when you need to do anything with them!

@Puffalicious I can't even take you seriously 😂. You're so rude. Better?

It's scary to see how many females have been socially conditioned to do whatever another person tells them to do not only without question but also even when their instincts tell them no.

And yes, everyone should read The Gift of Fear.

Everyone going in about the OPs ‘instincts’ and her not feeling safe. Read her post again. She has never mentioned feeling any anxiety for herself or her safety. Her singular concern was for HER CAR!

She says she’d had a flat battery herself and her brother helped her. She wouldn’t have asked a ‘random stranger’.Maybe we should all be driving around with a useful brother in the car? Problem is that without his trusty battery charger or another vehicle he’d be about a much use as a chocolate teapot.

There’s so much wrong with this account. Firstly she should never park on double yellow lines and as she says this was outside her office, she further says it’s something she does regularly. When people say ‘only five minutes’ it’s a bit like the alcoholic who ‘only’ has a small beer now and again. I bet she was much longer, given that she’d be gossiping with colleagues as well. There is a reason for double yellows, usually for the safety of other people so I certainly wouldn’t be ‘fessing up about parking illegally.

She says There are parking problems on this particular road, so It’s clearly not a quiet side road out in the wild. The chances are the men with the flat battery had managed to pull in front of her car nose to nose. Vehicles have to be facing each other or side by side in some cases unless the jump leads are so long they’ll stretch right across the road.

Not sure why people keep saying modern cars are damaged by using jump leads? Both my husband and I have got reasonably modern cars - his is a 2019 Audi Q7 and mine is a 2018 Subaru Forester. Since lockdown he’s had to use jump leads on my car twice because my car has been parked up for weeks. We’ve helped our neighbour out as well with his 2018 Honda CRV and none of our cars have come to any harm.

I’d like to think that if my husband was stuck somewhere that somebody, male or female, would actually help him. A flat battery, if you carry jump leads, which we both do, is a two minute job. All those who keep saying ‘call out your breakdown service’ - while they’re spending time getting to you, somebody else could be having a serious breakdown on a ‘smart’ motorway and waiting so much longer but then, that wouldn’t be your problem would it?