Was I nasty/selfish to not help this man today?

[newyorkcity9]

Was on my way to work this afternoon (I’m a shift worker) and needed to stop by the office on the way to my call to pick some paperwork up. The parking outside the office is terrible so I normally just pull up on double yellows and run in quickly. I was no more than 5 minutes when I returned to my car to find another car parked in front of me and there were two men standing next to it with the bonnet up fiddling with things.

Just as I was about to get in and drive off, one of the men came up to me and asked if that was my car to which I said yes. He explained he had a flat battery and would I mind if he used my car to jumpstart it, I said no, sorry and explained I was in a rush to get to work (not strictly true but I didn’t want to be rude). The actual reason why I said no was because I felt slightly uneasy letting two random strangers mess around with my car. My car is my pride and joy and also a requirement that I need to do my job (without a car I can’t work).

I have no clue about these sorts of things, but if I did I may have felt slightly better about letting them use it as I could have observed. They could of pressed the wrong thing/broken something and I would be none the wiser.
After I said no, the man kept saying “oh but it’ll only take a minute”. I just reiterated about being late for work and apologised. As I got into my car, he walked away and I heard him mumble under his breath “bitch”, they were also giving me dirty looks when I drove away so I was kind of glad I didn’t help them tbh.

I’m just doubting myself now though. If it was you, would you have helped? I’m a carer so my job is to help people. I had a flat battery a few years ago but my brother helped me sort it, I would of never of thought to ask a random stranger on the street. AIBU?

Dead easy to jumpstart a car by the way. Positive to positive on the battery and minus to minus.

You do not connect the negative to negative on the batteries!!!!! Thats a good way to blow your car up!

Other cars are unlikely to stop on a double yellow no matter how busy the area is, so the man could have been waiting a very long time for someone else to do something illegal and stop there.
If you read ops post you would know that the car was not there when she arrived so they had not been waiting ages.

Everyone should read the gift of fear.

Ah sorry @Willow2017 posted before i realised my typing error (i wish i could edit) serves me right for commenting whilst middle child is going off on a rant and i wasn’t paying full attention. My mind is turning to mush from being at home 24/7. To clarify this is the correct way-

It’s SEX! Not gender! I couldn’t give a shiny shite about someone's ‘gender’. I do care about their SEX!

Why is it OK on MN to make such a fuss about this use of language, but not to make the mildest remark about similar errors in grammar or spelling?

Op you were gone for 5 mins and return to a sudden broken down car in front of you when parking is tight everywhere? That would set off alarm bells with me. You definitely made the right decision, better to be safe than sorry. A certain type of man behaves that way - calling you a bitch when you had been polite and had the entitlement to say no - the type of man that believes he is superior to women and hates it when women say no.

@Lincolnfield
That’s a push start round my neck of the woods.

If it had been 2 women asking a man for help, they may well have had an unsavoury name for him if he'd refused but then, a man would probably be less concerned about his potential vulnerability.

I'd likely have agreed - and maybe never seen the light of day again!

OP it is indeed a disgrace that you don't know the first thing about cars. As PP said It's OK to not know the first thing about your car, even though its a piece of SERIOUS machinery that can kill people

I did not suggest you should have had car maintenance lessons during a world pandemic, I presumed you would understand I meant before you drove your 'pride and joy' or any other car. No wonder many men snort and roll.eyes at female drivers if there's loads driving around unable to do even the basics.

And what has your job got to do with it? Do you want a medal? I'm frontline too, it doesn't preclude me from knowing stuff!

howitworks.png

To those of you who say a battery can't die whilst driving - yes it can! I was going 70 on the motorway and my battery literally just died - stone dead. I couldn't believe it was possible, but my then husband, who was a mechanic, said it's perfectly possible and does happen.

However, there was obviously nothing wrong with their battery if they drove it there and deliberately parked right on front of you. You did the right thing OP.

It is NOT a case of not wanting to help someone. The OP was being very sensible, you just never know if it is genuine and most people have roadside assistance. This ruse has been used by decent looking chaps who turn out to be robbers so no female should get involved, it seems to me OP smelt a rat and acted on instinct

Jump starting a car can damage the batteries of both cars, so I would have refused. This is why you have break down cover.

You were not being unreasonable at all. They may have been genuine but as a rule two men should never approach a woman, put her in a vulnerable position where she can’t get away (could have done something to your car) or stolen it and they didn’t seem like nice people (calling you a bitch) do is say you made the right call! Also, you said no once and no means no. They shouldn’t have pressed on. Anyone here who is saying you should have helped is out of there minds and in no way promoting women only doing what they feel comfortable with. You were not being unkind or unhelpful, you were protecting yourself and imo, made the very right and sensible call.

@Puffalicious your very rude and seem to have a bit of a chip on your shoulder.

Thank you @starlight13, I was very glad I didn't help them especially after he insulted me! There was just no need.

@Puffalicious your comments are quite odd.

So if you watch TV you should know how it works? If you use an oven you should know how it works. Most people, men and women, don’t know much about how these items work. They pay someone else to know.

No. I think you were you right. If you feel uneasy, just say no. It makes me really nervous when strangers ask for a favour that involves me having to stop and stand by while they use something I own. I've often had strangers stop me in the street and say they've had an emergency, can they make a call on my phone? and I've always say no without hesitation because it didn't feel right. But then, I live in an area where street crime happens all the time which makes a difference.

@IDontLikeMondays88 my thoughts exactly. I don't dispute I should learn a few things (and I plan to once I get a spare minute!) but my question was, AIBU for not helping this man, not AIBU for not being a skilled mechanic and @Puffalicious seems hell bent on digging her nails in because of it

Not at all! But like a lot of people who work in the caring professions it sounds as though you are not allowed to consider your own needs. It is fine to say no - you had a good rationale for this. But I bet if it has been a little old lady you would have helped, so maybe you had a gut instinct (which you were clearly right about!) that there was something threatening in this situation. Well done you!

Oh goodness, no. You are a woman and TWO men people required your help. It's therefore your responsibility to hop to and do as they ask because #bekind. If you don't, you are selfish, a bitch, should put others first, should think about how you would like it in that situation and karma will get you.

If anything bad happens to you as a result, you are stupid, have bad judgement, shouldn't be putting yourself in a vulnerable situation, and had a responsibility to protect protect yourself which you failed to do.

Hope that helps.

@IDontLikeMondays88 - there is a world of difference between a TV, an oven and a motor vehicle. You’re being a wee bit silly there.

As the OP has said, expert knowledge of the internal combustion engine was not her question, but every woman should at least have enough knowledge to get herself out of trouble if possible. I could have been stranded at 6am on a very cold,frosty morning when a piece of metal hit my tyre and caused a blow out. It’s scary to say the least, but thank Goodness my dad, years ago, taught me how to change a wheel.

As for home appliances? It beggars belief how many women don’t know where the fuse box is in their house if there’s an electrical fault, or the stopcock to turn off the water if there’s a leak.

It’s no use screaming equality if so many women continue being so useless. I was widowed many years ago in my twenties and was left on my own with a three year old child. We’d have been up the proverbial shit creek if i hasn’t quickly learned how to keep our house and car maintained.

@IDontLikeMondays88 - hit post too quickly! Your arrogant ‘you pay someone else to know’ indicates that you’ve never been so skint that there is NO WAY you can do that! When I was on my own I had to learn how to plaster a wall, concrete a back yard, do all the decorating and house maintenance. I even had to replace the living room window.

Poverty - not necessity is the mother of invention!

YANBU. I wouldn't want to let a stranger loose on my car.

You did absolutely the right thing. Don’t give it a moment’s thought. In fact helping them would have been reckless and incredibly naive. Two men and one woman and they wanted to fiddle with your car?! I don’t bloody think so. Well done op - street smart.