Was I nasty/selfish to not help this man today?

[newyorkcity9]

Was on my way to work this afternoon (I’m a shift worker) and needed to stop by the office on the way to my call to pick some paperwork up. The parking outside the office is terrible so I normally just pull up on double yellows and run in quickly. I was no more than 5 minutes when I returned to my car to find another car parked in front of me and there were two men standing next to it with the bonnet up fiddling with things.

Just as I was about to get in and drive off, one of the men came up to me and asked if that was my car to which I said yes. He explained he had a flat battery and would I mind if he used my car to jumpstart it, I said no, sorry and explained I was in a rush to get to work (not strictly true but I didn’t want to be rude). The actual reason why I said no was because I felt slightly uneasy letting two random strangers mess around with my car. My car is my pride and joy and also a requirement that I need to do my job (without a car I can’t work).

I have no clue about these sorts of things, but if I did I may have felt slightly better about letting them use it as I could have observed. They could of pressed the wrong thing/broken something and I would be none the wiser.
After I said no, the man kept saying “oh but it’ll only take a minute”. I just reiterated about being late for work and apologised. As I got into my car, he walked away and I heard him mumble under his breath “bitch”, they were also giving me dirty looks when I drove away so I was kind of glad I didn’t help them tbh.

I’m just doubting myself now though. If it was you, would you have helped? I’m a carer so my job is to help people. I had a flat battery a few years ago but my brother helped me sort it, I would of never of thought to ask a random stranger on the street. AIBU?

Oh no the poor men are being judged

Even after calling the op a bitch

Women have to risk assess men rarely do it’s so part of our lives we don’t recognize it much of the time

I don’t think I like these AIBU questions. Everyone individual has their own personal reality, thoughts and feelings. The very best and trustworthy friend we have is our intuition. Go with it, trust it and fuck whatever guilt comes after. You’re a nice and decent person. If you wasn’t, you wouldn’t be thinking about this still. You didn’t have a good feeling about helping them at the time and that’s that. You do you, OP. You have nothing to feel bad about. X

No. I would not want them touching my car either. Also it would have been difficult to social distance. He could quite easily call the AA or similar. I certainly wouldn't feel guilty if he swore about you.

If you helped and they blew out your computer it would be hundreds or thousands of dollars to fix and insurance wouldn't cover it. Best not to ever help with jumping a dead battery.

Probably totally irrelevant but WHY are so many posters showing their ignorance by talking about ‘jump starting’? Jump starting is when you shove a car with a flat battery done a hill with the ignition in and keep turning the starter motor hoping it will fire up.

Using ‘jump leads’ is literally pushing some charge from a charged battery to a flat one.

There’s no wonder a lot of men take the piss out of women drivers. We ALL need to have enough knowledge to get ourselves out of trouble if possible- unless you really enjoy waiting hours for the AA.

Jump starting is when you shove a car with a flat battery done a hill with the ignition in and keep turning the starter motor hoping it will fire up.

That's a bump start where I live.

I'd have let him so long as I watched them do it so I could make sure they were just jump starting. Unless you were alone on a dark isolated street and then no, I wouldn't help.

Jump start v bump start

Don’t give it another thought. 2 strange men approaching a single woman-who’s to know if it was a set up and they were going to steal your car. Sounds like they had positioned it bonnet to bonnet ready for you to say yes and jump start them to do it anyway. And with the 2 metre rule you are more than allowed to decline-you’d have to sit in your car with the windows up and engine running like a prat. I’m sure they were able to get another person to help moments after. And calling you a name shows they are dickheads anyway so no YWNBU 👍

Yes that’s my interpretation of bump start too

Bump is bumping it along with a push or down hill

Jump is via jump leads

Called jump start where i am from too using jumper cables. Bump start is the push and run hoping they don’t crash into a wall and go on fire.

it completely plays into the female stereotype that we need a man to help with such things that are beyond us.

We’re not responsible for what men think of us. While it is beneficial to know some car maintenance and I would advise that everyone does, my husband couldn’t change a tire, when we first got together. No one rolled their eyes and said ‘typical man’.

Probably totally irrelevant but WHY are so many posters showing their ignorance by talking about ‘jump starting’.

There’s no wonder a lot of men take the piss out of women drivers.

Give that you are completely wrong, maybe you should ask MNHQ to delete your comment, on the grounds that you must be scundered. Or maybe name change as you wouldn’t want other posters taking the piss out of you! 🤣

Scundered? Are you from Northern Ireland too @T0tallyFuckedUpFamily 😊

Jump starting is when you shove a car with a flat battery done a hill with the ignition in and keep turning the starter motor hoping it will fire up.
No thats a bump start! Because the car bumps along till it catches!
Why do you think those cables are called jump leads?

Scundered? Are you from Northern Ireland too

Sure, aren’t all the best people?

Dammit posted by accident.

Lincolnfield
There’s no wonder a lot of men take the piss out of women drivers. We ALL need to have enough knowledge to get ourselves out of trouble if possible
Maybe you should check your facts before showing your ignorance in such an arrogant manner?

Yes we are 😊 Hi from Belfast 👋🏻

Probably totally irrelevant but WHY are so many posters showing their ignorance by talking about ‘jump starting’? Jump starting is when you shove a car with a flat battery done a hill with the ignition in and keep turning the starter motor hoping it will fire up.

Using ‘jump leads’ is literally pushing some charge from a charged battery to a flat one.

Oh dear. You've made yourself look a bit silly there, the first situation you describe there is called a bump start everywhere I know... jump start = cables.

Dead easy to jumpstart a car by the way. Positive to positive on the battery and minus to minus. They really can’t damage your car unless total fuckwits who do it the wrong way round as poles are clearly marked on battery black is negative red is positive.
Best just to say “Sorry my car is electric” if in any doubt lol

I fully appreciate the need to be careful and to assess the risk.
However @iklboo of course i read the thread, silly comment, i just happen to disagree with 3 or 4 comments that smack of gender bias and virtually imply that whatever @newyorkcity9newyorkcity9 did is OK. If it was really OK i'm not entirely sure s/he would be asking.
And here's the double standards @bunbunbun
Its somehow seemingly OK to repeatedly park on yellow lines, i.e. break the law, and say it was just 5 minutes. Its OK to make immediate personal judgements about a man asking for help. Its OK for women to receive preference when calling out the AA or RAC, sometimes for things that are eminently and easily fixable, thereby delaying the service for real emergencies. Its OK to not know the first thing about your car, even though its a piece of SERIOUS machinery that can kill people. Its OK to make justifications after the fact, when the frustrated sotto voce moan by the other driver is caused by the refusal to help. If you are going to drive a car then there is a responsibility to learn the basics, and those include consideration for other drivers, even if they are strangers, and whatever gender, particularly when its broad daylight in a busy area close to your office, and the risk as described at least sounds minimal. And @willow2017 there's no contradiction . Other cars are unlikely to stop on a double yellow no matter how busy the area is, so the man could have been waiting a very long time for someone else to do something illegal and stop there.

Your car is your pride and joy but you dont know how to take care of it?
I hope you can change a tyre atleast...

@marcusian - There's no implying what she did was OK. What the OP did was OK. She's under no obligation to anyone.

It’s no good! I have to say it!

It’s SEX! Not gender! I couldn’t give a shiny shite about someone's ‘gender’. I do care about their SEX!

Yeah you should have helped them...before you know it your handbag is gone or worst still your car is gone. Also they will have left germs everywhere !
I had a mate to helped a couple of very friendly handsome young men in similar circumstances and she saw her tail lights disappear into the horizon before she realised that she had been car jacked.
Car, handbag, house keys, phone and her weeks shopping in the boot...all gone!
Car was later found burnt out