Was I nasty/selfish to not help this man today?

[newyorkcity9]

Was on my way to work this afternoon (I’m a shift worker) and needed to stop by the office on the way to my call to pick some paperwork up. The parking outside the office is terrible so I normally just pull up on double yellows and run in quickly. I was no more than 5 minutes when I returned to my car to find another car parked in front of me and there were two men standing next to it with the bonnet up fiddling with things.

Just as I was about to get in and drive off, one of the men came up to me and asked if that was my car to which I said yes. He explained he had a flat battery and would I mind if he used my car to jumpstart it, I said no, sorry and explained I was in a rush to get to work (not strictly true but I didn’t want to be rude). The actual reason why I said no was because I felt slightly uneasy letting two random strangers mess around with my car. My car is my pride and joy and also a requirement that I need to do my job (without a car I can’t work).

I have no clue about these sorts of things, but if I did I may have felt slightly better about letting them use it as I could have observed. They could of pressed the wrong thing/broken something and I would be none the wiser.
After I said no, the man kept saying “oh but it’ll only take a minute”. I just reiterated about being late for work and apologised. As I got into my car, he walked away and I heard him mumble under his breath “bitch”, they were also giving me dirty looks when I drove away so I was kind of glad I didn’t help them tbh.

I’m just doubting myself now though. If it was you, would you have helped? I’m a carer so my job is to help people. I had a flat battery a few years ago but my brother helped me sort it, I would of never of thought to ask a random stranger on the street. AIBU?

Just over a week before lockdown began I went shopping with my two year old, I got back to the car and the battery was flat. I rang my emergency cover and because of covid they could only commit to getting someone to me "within 8 hours".
I couldn't wait up to 8 hours with a 2 year old alll, a load of shopping defrosting in the boot and two children to collect from school. I asked a few people for help jump starting my car and they all said no. I purposely only asked couples so they wouldn't be worried. I had to get my husband to drive an hour from his work to get me started.

If I were the op today I would have said no, because the circumstances were very different, and potentially risky for her.

You have to be careful. You did the right thing.

Don't ever feel bad about saying no when you're in a situation where you feel uncomfortable. Your safety comes first and they sounded like dickheads anyway

This happened to me recently a woman demanded that instead of going shopping, which I was clearly doing, I move my car to help her start her car with jump leads which she didn't know how to use. I said, no. She said Why not? I said, I don't want to as I am busy , but you can ring the AA and join on the spot. She said she didn't want the expense.
I don't think you should trust people always, those men were horrible and rude to you . I would have told the Police perhaps. It could be a scam.

You did right,who is not in a breakdown service nowadays

YANBU
Got to go with your gut feeling.

Yes it Only takes a minute or two but I probably wouldn't have asked a lone woman in that situation as I would think it 50/50 that they'd feel uncomfortable.
Not sure if that's un PC though.
I've only been in that situation once that got me annoyed. I was 100 meters from a garage and asked if I could get a jump start....oh too busy mate as they were having a cup of tea.....
Only do it if you are comfortable.
And his reaction was out of order and showed you were right.

It's your own conscience if you worry about it... Just remember that if someone refuses to help you one night then you cannot complain.

For car drivers that even have to ask... jump starting another car does no damage!

Yanbu
And calling you a bitch after confirms it , no decent person would. If that was me if there was cameras about I would have got our security to check it out. Always trust your gut.

Glennarmy that was a bit nasty your comparing a woman at night needing help to two men !!! I teach my daughters to trust there instincts and comments like that arnt helpful. My dad or husband would never approach a women on there own.

Sorry but this is why we have the AA/RAC/Green Flag/A Friend at the other end of a phone call with a jumplead. YANBU.

You would only need to pop the bonnet on your car. You don’t even need to get out of the car for somebody just to attach jump lead clamps to your car battery and then you just need to rev your engine for a minute or two until their car starts. They unattach the leads, drop your bonnet and job’s done.

There are LOADS of flat batteries just now because cars are being parked up for weeks. My husband, our neighbour and an old lady up the road have all had flat batteries in the last few weeks.

You really need to learn the basics of car maintenance because you never know, you might need help yourself one day.

I agree though, he shouldn’t have been so rude but again, you don’t know how much stress he was under. Everyone is struggling just now.

Also just rereading your post. Some people are suggesting that you might have been anxious or frightened by these two men, but as you were out of your car when they asked you, if they had any ‘evil motive’ they wouldn’t have been encouraging you to get in your car. Just saying...

YANBU.

It's very suspicious that a car would park in front of you and five minutes later have broken down, chances are they were up to something and you were by yourself. Women are conditioned to be polite and accommodating and frequently come to harm as a result. You were right to follow your instincts.

, if they had any ‘evil motive’ they wouldn’t have been encouraging you to get in your car. Just saying...

Unless they were waiting to unlock the car then grab the keys off her. It happened to a woman near where my folks live.

You were in the right.

I'm a man, normally go out of my way to help people and know a lot about cars.

I wouldn't have helped.

Sounded dodgy for a start.

Dangerous to your car.

Number 1 reason is you have the right to be safe especially during difficult times, even if genuine they could have covered lots of metal in covid which stays on for a long time.

Really disappointing to see the attitude of some, you were totally in the right, I would have said no if I thought they could take anything from me.

Two things: if you are not familiar with the workings of your car and confident to give someone a jump then don't. Yes, they could damage your car or even start a fire if they don't know what they are doing and it would be all down to you in the end. Secondly, breakdown cover and AA costs are so cheap in the U.K., there is little reason for anyone to be stuck and whenever I have needed a jump and called my for my breakdown cover it was fast, easy. Thirdly, I would be suspect of someone, especially two chaps who were asking for a jump in a situation like that. Car batteries don't go flat in 5 minutes, they either knew that their car was f'd before they got in it, or they were running a scam.

YABU
Its a quick and simple request, and you can stay in the car. If the parking is bad then it was probably a busy space with people around, and so limited risk.
He didnt get directly aggressive, he just swore at you under his breath, which is probably what a lot of people including me would have done. He just said what you might have thought if the situation were reversed. His chances of another car stopping sound remote so of course he would feel frustrated. Can't help getting a sense that there are some gender double standards in your response.

I have been driving for 30 years and can't change a tyre and couldn't give two hoots. That's what the AA are for. My nails are way too nice for that bs

Well thats something all drivers should know! And not the have to rely on the AA RAC etc. Caught me short one night was giving a friends wife a lift to a concert and on the way we devloped a flat tyre.

Wont be more than five mins said me OK said she, and then the bloody sccurity adaptor cracked damm! and double damm!! took the breakdown man an hour and a half to get to us.

In the meantime I cane under some suspiction that i was up to no good with friends missus!! She coud phone anywhwere as her ifobne battery hadnt charges and she could remeber anyones number to tell them on my phone etc

U did the right thing. Dont evan think about it agin.

@marcusian - have you read any of the thread or just the OP?

For car drivers that even have to ask... jump starting another car does no damage!

Really? It can fry your car computers and cost thousands to repair. I am not taking that chance thank you.

some manufacturers do not allow jumpstarting the vehicle at all, and doing so may void the warranty. In some vehicles, certain precautions must be taken such as removing a fuse, or turning on the defroster. The owner’s manual should spell out any precautions that must be taken.
Verify the voltage of the battery in the vehicle doing the jumping. If they do not match, serious damage can occur to both vehicles.

If the parking is bad then it was probably a busy space with people around, and so limited risk.
His chances of another car stopping sound remote so of course he would feel frustrated.

One of these directly contradicts the other!

You would only need to pop the bonnet on your car.
Op doesnt need to do anything at all!

Can't help getting a sense that there are some gender double standards in your response.

I don't think you understand what double standard means. Having to risk assess a situation differently as a woman versus as a man is not "gender double standards" it is just a difference in assessed risk based on relative factors, those factors including gender.

I would have felt uneasy too

And if he was considerate he would have taken you first no but tried to put you in your place

And when he couldn’t called you a bitch

Not a nice man so don’t worry about it