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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I should be allowed buy whatever I want for ds?

602 replies

WolfInSlutsClothing · 13/05/2020 13:35

My ds is 18 months old, he is constantly putting his favourite Teddy into his pushchair and trying to wheel it around the house. He will then get really frustrated because the pushchair is so big he can't manouver it properly and will end up throwing a tantrum after a while. This is a daily occurance.

Thismorning I ordered him a little blue dolls pushchair on amazon, but when I told DH I'd bought it he went abseloutley mental. He rang me up telling me to cancel it and shouted down the phone at me telling me to stop trying to instill my own personal values on him, even though, in my opinion, that's what he is doing not me.

I told him I wasn't cancelling it and after shouting at me and telling me to stop being so controlling (?), that he's told me before he doesn't want him having it and he'll buy him a wheelbarrow, he went onto the amazon account, cancelled the order and changed the password so I can't get onto it now.

I'm honestly so upset over this, I know it seems like such a stupid trivial thing, but I really don't appreciate being shouted at and told what I can and can't buy for my own child. Iv had to stop talking to him because he just won't listen and keeps shouting, and being almost 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after, I really can't take the stress of being screamed at over a children's toy.

He says if ds grows up and asks him to buy him a dolls pram, then he will buy one. But that he's not going to just let me decide for him that that's what he wants... My argument is, he didn't ask for any of the trucks, cars, toolsets etc that he has, but he bought them for him. Because ds has around 20 words and is not yet capable of asking for such things so we go on what we think he would like.

I'm rambling now but I'm just so worked up about all this, would you personally buy a 'girls' toy for your son? Am I wrong in buying him a pushchair that he hasn't specifically asked for?

OP posts:
Nicolastuffedone · 14/05/2020 15:47

My friends has two grandchildren, boy/girl. When they were little they dressed up in Disney dresses when playing with each other......

BubblyBarbara · 14/05/2020 16:28

Anyone getting on their high horse should think that maybe there are many of us who would be equally a bit Hmm about buying a toy toolbox and carpentry set or a football goal for a DD.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 14/05/2020 16:30

Anyone getting on their high horse should think that maybe there are many of us who would be equally a bit hmm about buying a toy toolbox and carpentry set or a football goal for a DD.

That’s equally batshit Confused

pointythings · 14/05/2020 16:32

Anyone getting on their high horse should think that maybe there are many of us who would be equally a bit hmm about buying a toy toolbox and carpentry set or a football goal for a DD.

And they'd be just as batshit crazy as OP's other half. My DDs had a toy toolbox as toddlers. Almost as much fun to step on as Lego.

isabellerossignol · 14/05/2020 16:33

Do people actually object to a toy toolkit or football goal for a girl? That's not something I've ever come across, although I have definitely known families were girls weren't allowed to pursue 'male' subjects at school or university. But I've never come across anyone objecting to girls playing football or whatever.

sonypony · 14/05/2020 16:34

Well someone's controlling but it's not you.

ducksback · 14/05/2020 16:37

So sorry about your husband OP.

Heygirlheyboy · 14/05/2020 16:38

Simple question: does he push ds in his buggy? Assuming he does, then how is this different? Ds will love it I'm sure.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/05/2020 16:48

"Anyone getting on their high horse should think that maybe there are many of us who would be equally a bit hmm about buying a toy toolbox and carpentry set or a football goal for a DD."

Oh dear, how absolutely fucking tragic that statement is.

So girls aren't able to do DIY, huh? They have to have a "man" to do it for them? Fuck that.
I can wield any tool (apart from a long woodsaw) as well as my husband - after spending 6 years on my own, I'd have been a bit fucking stuck if I couldn't!

And why in holy hell shouldn't girls have football goals? Again, one does not require a penis to kick a ball around a field. DS1's football team has more girls in it than boys at the moment, and most of them are better than half the boys.

Fuck me. Just when you think it's only the retrograde blokes who are the problem, along come the handmaidens.

Eggybreadleg · 14/05/2020 16:50

So he wants his son to grow up to be a tough guy? And tough real men call heavily pregnant women cunts? Righto. Off you fuck real man.

How about raising a son who has some emotional maturity and doesn't hurl abuse at his pregnant wife when he doesn't get his way. There is a cunt in this story and it's not you OP!

Thisismytimetoshine · 14/05/2020 16:51

It really doesn't happen that way round. You've obviously got a touch of whatever op's dh has, BubblyBarbara.

Stop trying to suggest it's mainstream, it just isn't.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/05/2020 16:59

I'm just gobsmacked by your husband's shitty behaviour @WolfInSlutsClothing.

I was in exactly the same position as you once. DH in the car industry. DS wanted to push his teddy in a buggy, just as daddy pushed him in his buggy. Difference is, when I told DH I'd bought DS a toy buggy, all he said was 'How much was it? (99p) Wow, bargain!'

There's no such thing as boy's toys and girl's toys. Anything that is regarded as such, is only regarded as such by adults. Stupid adults. As far as children are concerned, the two flavours of toys are interesting and uninteresting, not boy's and girl's.

I would not be letting him back without MAJOR sincere apologies, and even then he'd be on probation for a looooong time.

EKGEMS · 14/05/2020 17:00

God almighty if I was stuck home in a pandemic,heavily pregnant with an active 18-month old and my husband screamed at me and called me the c word over a TOY I really think I'd lose my mind and do something to make Madea proud! Seriously!? I'd be thrilled to get a toy pushchair especially if my toddler was trying to push his own potentially pinching his fingers and knocking things over inside potentially hurting himself. My kid was OBSESSED with cleaning as a toddler he went through so many toy vacuums we just bought him a few handheld ones and a cordless vacuum to play with-never crossed my mind if it was not a traditional boy toy

SimonJT · 14/05/2020 17:05

@BubblyBarbara Why would anyone think they were odd toys for girls?

YinMnBlue · 14/05/2020 17:05

BubblyBarbara I know not one single person who would think twice about a girl having those items.

I am ancient by MN standards, in the 1960s my parents, including Dad, gave me a set of bricks and a toy demolition vehicle, a full football strip and football boots, a Lone Ranger outfit incl gun and holster, as well as a toy dolls pram etc etc.

Oddly, toys were less gendered then than now. Nothing was pink, no pink Lego etc, and my brother and I played with all our toys together: toy zoo, farm, garden, fort, dolls house, Matchbox cars. I was older, so it wasn't a case of inheriting 'boys' toys.

When my brother bot a much wanted Scalectrix , my parents bought me my own racing car for it at my next birthday. I had two, in the end.

Lots of people seem to buy lots of pink sparkly unicorny stuff for girls but I don't know of anyone who would be Hmm at a toolbox. Why would they?

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 14/05/2020 17:08

Anyone getting on their high horse should think that maybe there are many of us who would be equally a bit hmm about buying a toy toolbox and carpentry set or a football goal for a DD.

Really?!!

Our DD played all sorts of toys. She copied both of us by using her toy hoover and toy ironing board, she copied both of us playing with her tool set and work bench. She had trains, cars, dolls, dinosaurs, Lego, kitchen etc. When DS came along he played with all the same things. There really is no such thing as boy toys or girl toys! I am in my fifties but played with toy tools, trains and cars as well as dolls. My Dad taught me and then my brother how to use tools so that we could be independent.

ProudMarys · 14/05/2020 17:08

Does your husband not ever push your son in his pram? My 4 year old son has a blue buggy that he pushes a toy monkey and dinosaur, in feeds and rocks it to when he is in dad mode (he says he is the Dada) throws it about and play fights when he is not. Doesn't your husband feel comfortable with your son pretending he is a caring dad some of the time? That's a shame for your boy, dad feels like that. What happens if you ever have a girl or he plays at a little girls house won't he be allowed to play with the toys she has? Maybe ask your husband what he thinks will happen and what he fears?

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 14/05/2020 17:12

One of DDs favourite toys as a toddler was a toy tool set. Now she's older she loves getting stuck into a bit of DIY. She enjoys playing football so we've bought a goal for both our DC to play with. She also likes unicorns, painting her nails and pink things in general.

woolyrab · 14/05/2020 17:13

My lad had a toy pram and a kitchen. Both were at various times his favourite toy. When I asked him why they were his favourites he said of the pram "the wheels go fast" and of the kitchen "danger".

BackseatCookers · 14/05/2020 17:13

@BubblyBarbara

You're joking right?!

You would genuinely think anything other than "ah that's nice" if someone you knew bought their DD / a mate's DD a football goal?!

If you're serious about that then you are much, much more stuck in the past than you realise.

My partner and his equally decent mates like playing footie with their kids, because it's fun. And because the kids enjoy it. Regardless of their sex because funnily enough you don't need a dick to play football.

I'm really surprised you made such a "gotcha" style statement when normal, nice, decent parents wouldn't be so ungrateful if someone bought their kid a nice thing like a pretend toolkit or football goals. Because they are gender neutral.

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 14/05/2020 17:21

Anyone getting on their high horse should think that maybe there are many of us who would be equally a bit hmm about buying a toy toolbox and carpentry set or a football goal for a DD

Confused Nope, why on earth would you be Hmm about girls having a toolbox, carpentry set or liking football? That attitude is equally ridiculous!

Fuck me. Just when you think it's only the retrograde blokes who are the problem, along come the handmaidens
Although I really hate that word too, usually trotted out if a woman disagrees or is thinking too much "like a bloke". Hmm
Which has some kind of irony seeing how it's being used here Grin

I find it baffling how people would be weird about giving their ds a pushchair if he liked it (I have 2 ds's who never showed any interest in pushchairs, but I'd have no problem with buying them one if they had wished)
Equally just as batshit to think girls aren't allowed to like things like football or carpentry!
Why not let the child decide what they like to play with?

VerticalHorizon · 14/05/2020 17:39

Karen was a Carpenter!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/05/2020 17:44

@LemonadeAndDaisyChains - sorry, which word do you hate, bloke? Standard Aussie term, mate.

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 14/05/2020 17:54

@LemonadeAndDaisyChains - sorry, which word do you hate, bloke? Standard Aussie term, mate

Nope, handmaidens. Usually always used as an insult towards women if their thinking is too bloke like whatever the heck too bloke like is lol or pandering to penis havers (yes have seen that on here lol) which as I said is kind of ironic given the topic we're discussing (what boys can do and girls can do!)
Heaven forbid women are allowed to form their own opinions!
Anyways apart from the choice of insults, not disagreeing with the rest - as in utterly ridiculous to say boys can't like pushchairs, or girls can't pay football.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/05/2020 17:58

Maybe we have different ideas on what "handmaiden" means? Or maybe it's too fine a distinction - I don't use it to mean "too much like a bloke" but to mean "too wedded to the outdated ideas of traditional sex-based roles inflicted on us by the patriarchy".