to wonder why do we treat picky eaters like their 'naughty'?

[calpolatdawn]

Ive always disagreed with this,making particular eaters as children feel awful and 'the parents made them. that way' maybe because theres ASD in my family we don't have a choice of 'shoving anything infront of them' and making them eat it. Even non ASD people have sensory issues regarding food, its usually smell, texture, taste, is it 'soggy' food or 'lumpy'. As a child i was picky, my mum didn't cook 5 meals she just didn't make things she knew i wouldn't like. and put serving dishes on the table so i picked up what i would eat and left what i wouldn't, there was never ever power fights, when i got older if i was being arsy i was told to make something myself then. And i would. No battles. As an Adult i am still particular more so with fruit than veg, i only eat 2 types of fruit and will to this day not eat lumpy yoghurts. Im not being 'whiny' or difficult, its not easy going through life with aversion to foods and going to a buffet and sighing that you could only eat 3 things. I don't think anyone would choose to be like that. I have 1 child who is like me, and one who isnt and is much more flexible. Is it just me who feels making children feel naughty for being picky eaters is wrong?

@thelastteacake I too am curious as to what "parent them" would actually involve. How would you parent a child who would prefer to be hospitalised than eat what's on their plate?

I didn’t mean genuine sensory issues and you know it. That’s not the same as pickiness.

How can you tell the difference at a glance, @thelastteacake? Be honest, if you saw a child refusing to eat x, you, z your brain would instantly go down the 'parents taught them bad manners' route, wouldn't you?

Well I would probably take them to a psychologist because that isn’t normal and I don’t know why anyone is implying it is.

Most children just need boundaries however.

@thelastteacake but plenty of people in this thread have talked about getting advice from nutritionists, dietitians and other experts. And they have said that they are advised not to force the issue at all. @KKSlider made an excellent post summing up her dietician's advice as:

Advice from doctor and dietician who see DS is:

• offer two courses at the main meal of the day, which for us is dinner, of the main followed by something basic like fruit or yoghurt with no strings or conditions attached to the second course because it's not a reward, it's one complete meal. The idea is that the child gets enough calories over the two courses and if they refuse one they will at least eat some of the other. It also reinforces the idea that food is neither a reward or a punishment

• every meal should have at least one or two 'safe' foods available so that there isn't ever nothing available to eat and meals should be served family style (shared dishes in the middle of the table and everyone chooses their own) where possible

• never persuade, beg, order, cajole, bargain, etc to encourage eating. Just provide the meal and then take it away at the end of the meal without making it into an issue

• don't reward for food tried/eaten and don't punish for food not tried/eaten

• use a good multivitamin daily and, if tolerated, at least one glass of milk

I grew up neglected and hungry. I eat anything, even if I don't like it. I'm also autistic and understand the sensory difficulties associated with food, but going without focuses your mind somewhat.

@MouthBreathingRage get a grip. No one here saying picky eating is childish is talking about disabled individuals.

This is AIBU. Surely you post here because you want differing views and a bit of a debate.

Being told I'm childish and annoying is hardly a bit of a debate.

*What do you think? Do you think being hungry would honestly bother him?'
I don't know KKSlider. I am not a nutritionist. Actually I am relieved and lucky, my two scoff their heads off, given the opportunity. I would not starve a child neither would I force it to eat something. I would not even force a child to try something. I am irritated though when my kids eat something with relish somewhere else that they don't eat at home. I would let my kids "go hungry" between two meals though.

No one here saying picky eating is childish is talking about disabled individuals.

You have no idea who you're talking about when you moan about picky eaters. You lump them all in one basket. Posters on here are falling over themselves to judge 'picky eaters' even after been given several personal examples of why their views are rude or inappropriate. Even if a person is a fussy eater just 'because', unless it personally affects you and how you eat, why even waste the energy judging them?

I always thought dd2 was just fussy possibly due to having slight sensory issues but never enough to diagnose.
Other issues have now come into plsy and shd has received a diagnosis of ARFID and definitely has other issues which are related. OCD, anxiety etc.
Mang children coearly gave real medical conditions causing this supposed fussiness and it is a real struggle to accommodate.

I was a picky eater as a child.My mother couldn't cook that was my reason.
We t to anyone else's house I would eat.

So maybe some of these fussy kids don't eat,cause the parents can't cook

No one here saying picky eating is childish is talking about disabled individuals.

That’s not how it’s been coming across.

I can't see how making children feel 'naughty' is ever going to be helpful, but they should be encouraged to see the benefits of eating a wide variety of food. There might be situations in the future where they don't have the luxury of choice so if they can develop a tolerance for eating things they don't enjoy, it's a useful life-skill; and in any event a varied diet is usually healthier than a restricted one.

I think all 'intelligent' adults can make the distinction between fussy and medically diagnosed issues.

My bug bear is fussy adults who make comments about others food, being disgusting etc and gagging noises - I've met a few. Plain and simple rude.

When I hear about picky / fussy eaters, I always think back to my maternal grandfather. He grew up in appalling poverty in Ireland in the early years of the 20th century. At that time the famine was still within living memory. There was barely enough food for subsistence, never mind luxuries.

In my childhood, whenever myself and my siblings were being fussy about food, he would always say the same thing : “If you knew what real hunger was, you would eat what you were given, and you would be thankful for it”.

He was absolutely right, and I have never forgotten that.

In my childhood, whenever myself and my siblings were being fussy about food, he would always say the same thing : “If you knew what real hunger was, you would eat what you were given, and you would be thankful for it”.

He was absolutely right, and I have never forgotten that.

Very useful. All us that live with those who cant/won't eat what they're given will just make them live in poverty. That'll teach 'em.

Afternoon, everyone. Just here to appeal for a bit of peace and love. We don't want this thread to turn into a bunfight (especially not the ones with raisins in - I always have to pick all the raisins out of those - true story).

I'll have the raisins @HebeMumsnet I keep forgetting to buy them.

There is a massive difference between ordering a korma because you don’t like spicy food and refusing to go to any restaurant that doesn’t serve chicken nuggets and chips. Tastes do change as you get older- I hated courgette until I was an adult, love it now and my teenage son has just made himself and cheese and tomato sandwich despite refusing to eat raw tomatoes for his whole life so far. His identical twin has always loved them.

It’s normal to have dislikes- I can’t eat the fat on meat as it makes me gag and I pick out celery but I love trying new foods and my husband eats a much larger selection of foods since he met me (didn’t eat fish, now loves sashimi etc) he just needed the encouragement to try them.

@WiddlinDiddlin

Frequently, what I will eat is junk food, not because I love junk, but because it tends to be soft, moist and of a uniform, predictable texture and flavour that I know for sure won't vary from restaurant to restaurant.

That answers very well my eternal question of why "picky" eaters will eat junk food, so thank you.

There are foods I dislike but they're mostly bitter such as raw celery, green pepper, sprouts, coffee etc.

Also beetroot. I don't like the taste but more particularly, the way it bleeds into other food makes me feel distinctly queasy.

I can't help thinking that in the war under rationing people would eat pretty much anything.
My sister and I will scoff anything but the middle one was such a picky eater she had to be treated for vitamin deficiencies. Mind you she had pyloric stenosis as a baby and projectile vomited all food, by the time she was old enough to eat I suspect she had a severe phobia about anything going down her throat so there was a reason for it.
My son will eat anything except peas, they make him physically vomit so there is no point, even as an adult the smell of peas will make him retch but he won't die of pea deficiency.
I detest olives but will eat anything else even snails.
I just refuse to cater for adults who won't eat half of what I'm eating for no good reason, vegans are fine, gluten free is fine but a long list of do not eat or like then you're not coming to my dinner party, I haven't got time for it.

I am of those annoying, picky adults.

As a child I had a very severe bout of gastroenteritis. I lost so much weight, but as a result of the constant vomiting, refused to eat anything even after I recovered. I was then force fed, which compounded the problem.

After that I was simply petrified of food that was wet, or anything with a strong flavour. I would only eat bread, plain chicken, plain pasta, crisps and some fruit.

I made some headway very slowly, but any new food, and trying new food in front of people, was terrifying. Luckily my mum was understanding, but I vividly remember my grandad getting frustrated at a family dinner. I was say 8, and would not eat mashed potato. He came behind me, pinched my nose and shoved the spoon in my mouth. I proceeded to vomit all over the table.

I'm slowly recovering, and was only able to try new foods when I moved out and could try it without people pressuring me or watching me eat. I even ate some korma curry the other week. And wrinkles! A huge step! Even now though, if there is a particular texture, (such as the middle of a cucumber or tomato) I gag. It's very embarrassing and I don't want to. Thankfully, I have lovely friends who do not make a big deal out of it, and don't even mention it if I want to make some requests when we're out to eat.

Lots of people have very genuine issues with food. I have been reduced to tears when out with work colleagues who did nothing but make fun of what I ate the entire meal. I can see lots of people who'd do the same thing on here. It's a shame more people don't have a little sympathy and understanding.

Winkles, not wrinkles!

I think because food is love, to take the time and energy to cook/bake something for someone is a gesture of love and when it's rejected it's v hurtful.
I'm not saying it's not OK to reject food for whatever reason but that's why people take it personally and say it's "naughty"/silly/unreasonable etc.
I was always taught that when I visited a friend for tea to eat up and thank the parent - regardless of whether I liked the food or not - out of politeness.
I come from a v " traditional" family. We had to clear our plates or sit there until we did, hours later with tears sploshing off the skin that had formed on the gravy.
Needless to say I don't make my dd eat anything but to at least keep trying foods as our tastes change over the years. And lead by example. She once decided she didn't like avocados but sees me enjoy them often enough that she now happily requests them.

My husband is a fussy eater. We can’t go to dinner parties because he probably won’t eat what has been cooked and it’s embarrassing (for him and me) if he doesn’t eat anything he is given. So he makes excuses. People have stopped asking.
I don’t want my kids to be in that position when older. It isn’t allergies, it isn’t a physical “it makes me throw up” thing, it’s a selfish choice and it is bloody irritating.
We don’t even go out together to eat very often because we are so limited in the restaurant choices.