to wonder why do we treat picky eaters like their 'naughty'?

[calpolatdawn]

Ive always disagreed with this,making particular eaters as children feel awful and 'the parents made them. that way' maybe because theres ASD in my family we don't have a choice of 'shoving anything infront of them' and making them eat it. Even non ASD people have sensory issues regarding food, its usually smell, texture, taste, is it 'soggy' food or 'lumpy'. As a child i was picky, my mum didn't cook 5 meals she just didn't make things she knew i wouldn't like. and put serving dishes on the table so i picked up what i would eat and left what i wouldn't, there was never ever power fights, when i got older if i was being arsy i was told to make something myself then. And i would. No battles. As an Adult i am still particular more so with fruit than veg, i only eat 2 types of fruit and will to this day not eat lumpy yoghurts. Im not being 'whiny' or difficult, its not easy going through life with aversion to foods and going to a buffet and sighing that you could only eat 3 things. I don't think anyone would choose to be like that. I have 1 child who is like me, and one who isnt and is much more flexible. Is it just me who feels making children feel naughty for being picky eaters is wrong?

@LisaSimpsonsbff are you my real life friend and was this the guy who sent his meal back because they put peas on it and that 'contaminated the rest of it' and ridiculed your suggestion of just not eating them if he didn't like them?? Or are there multiple men like this?

I don’t think people who advocate things like making kids hungry so they eat etc has experienced real eating issues in kids. Kids WILL and DO starve themselves to avoid food they don’t like !

@MouthBreathingRage you think letting a child feel hungry for a bit is abuse? Seriously?

I was just thinking about some of the different childhood experiences recounted on this thread. It’s terribly sad that some people were abused. But that doesn’t mean you should just totally indulge fussiness either.

For us growing up it was more a question of basic expectations. There are certain things you just don’t do - for example you wouldn’t dream of going to work in your pajamas or throwing a frying pan at your grandma. For us, refusing to even try a new food, or making a face at food you were served at someone else’s house, would be similarly unthinkable. Even if you didn’t like it, you knew it was polite to at least give it a go and not just make a face.

I object to people being allowed to reach adulthood thinking it’s ok to make a face at food someone else has made for them, or to dismiss it without even trying it. That is rude and childish.

As to whether fussy children are naughty, some things are just impractical. My friend’s mum used to make a slightly different meal for everyone in the family - it was ridiculous. My mum wouldn’t have done that, so nobody expected it.

@Booboodisney then you need to parent them. Kids will do all kinds of things if they’re just allowed to do whatever they like.

There’s a huge difference between a spoiled brat who prefers McDonalds but would grudgingly eat stew if denied McDonalds, and a child with ASD who would refuse to eat until they developed malnutrition and had to be hospitalised rather than eat foods touching each other.

(Same Rapunzel just fancied a change.)

Has he ever been really hungry?

He rejected everything except milk until the age of 8m, when he did start accepting food it was trial and error as to what he would eat some days he had absolutely nothing other then milk, when he started school he wouldn't eat school dinners and got kept in at midday playtime until he late so because he didn't eat he didn't play out, had to get a letter from the dietician allowing him to have a packed lunch, didn't eat anything for four days after his last sick bug as he was afraid he would be sick again, never asks for meals and has to be prompted that it's breakfast/lunch/dinner time.

What do you think? Do you think being hungry would honestly bother him?

@MouthBreathingRage the point is that when I said i wasn't being judgemental I was talking about the baked beans comment. Not about my views in general. You took it out of context.

I don't at all think I am superior. I do believe that lots of children have terrible diets and for the most part it is due to convenience and ease.

If picky eating is widely accepted then surely it becomes a norm. I would never voice my views but I will never see picky eating as normal nor healthy.

I also think it’s quite selfish to insist that you should only ever eat food you really like and always expect to inconvenience others.

You’re not doing children any favours if you bring them up to be this self-centred frankly.

I would never voice my views

So what have you been doing on this thread then?

So what have you been doing on this thread then?
In real life I would never voice my views.

Meh, I have enough money that I can either cook my own food or go to restaurants. The joy of being an adult is being able to do what you like.

I mean, I agree there are certain occasions where you have to eat something you hate (like in hospital, or when visiting relatives who can’t cook but think they can). But food is one of my great joys and passions and I’m unabashedly snobbish about insisting on eating fantastic food. If you can afford it, why not? I don’t see how that inconveniences anyone else.

That’s not fussy, Rapunzel, that’s discerning!

When you say ‘parent’ what do you mean? Sit on them so they can’t move, hold their mouth open and force the food in?

In real life I would never voice my views.

This is real life. The posters on this thread are real people.

@Booboodisney part of your job as a parent is to get your children to do things, and to learn what to do and not do. Your answer is ridiculous frankly.

This is real life. The posters on this thread are real people.

This is AIBU. Surely you post here because you want differing views and a bit of a debate.

Why is it ridiculous? Have you ever worked with a child who has food aversion issues ? You wouldn’t think it was ridiculous then !

you think letting a child feel hungry for a bit is abuse? Seriously?

It is if they have genuine issues that won't be fixed with letting them go hungry, yes. Would you let a child who was lactose intolerant go without food because they wouldn'teat a cheese sandwich? Just because you don't understand food aversion as part of a wider issue, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

For us, refusing to even try a new food, or making a face at food you were served at someone else’s house, would be similarly unthinkable.

You give your own experience but are dismissive of others. You could manage if you were put in a position where you had to eat foods you didn't particularly enjoy. Well done, how wonderful. There were people in your day that couldn't do that, and would rather starve or take a beating, you evidently never came across them. Trying to group in 'bad manners' with genuine sensory issues is ignorant at best.

Working with a child isn’t the same as parenting.

I didn’t mean genuine sensory issues and you know it. That’s not the same as pickiness.

That’s a really good point, thelastteacake.

There’s a lot of snobbery and classicism around food.

Someone who refuses to eat supermarket curry and insists on going out of their way to visit the best and most authentic Sri Lanken place in London (Everest Curry King, if you’re curious) would be praised for having a sophisticated palate, even though that’s a high level of fussiness and inconvenience. Someone insisting on only eating pizza would be judged, even though you can get pizza anywhere.

keens with yearning for Everest Curry King, before shoving pizza in microwave

On the advice of my GP we tried the "letting her get hungry" approach
After 3 days of only juice (wouldnt touch water even if very thirsty) I'm afraid to say I cracked and gave DD a yoghurt
I defy any parent to starve their child, it was totally the wrong thing to do and I regret it and feel very guilty about it years later.
More importantly it didnt work

In real life I would never voice my views.

Oh is this just fantasy then?

Surely you post here because you want differing views and a bit of a debate.

Debate is one thing. Tarring all adults who have food aversions as 'childish' and all parents of children with food aversions as lazy, is ignorant, ill informed, irrelevant and quite honestly becoming disablist at this point.

I spent 7 years with a man who "wouldn't eat" anything but meat and two veg. No sauces allowed, nothing with lumps. No seeds, nothing with seasoning other than salt and pepper.

When I broke up with him and left I had to go back a few times to collect things... I found he'd signed up to hello fresh and was horsing down noodles, curries...all sorts. Was so bloody cross.