to wonder why do we treat picky eaters like their 'naughty'?

[calpolatdawn]

Ive always disagreed with this,making particular eaters as children feel awful and 'the parents made them. that way' maybe because theres ASD in my family we don't have a choice of 'shoving anything infront of them' and making them eat it. Even non ASD people have sensory issues regarding food, its usually smell, texture, taste, is it 'soggy' food or 'lumpy'. As a child i was picky, my mum didn't cook 5 meals she just didn't make things she knew i wouldn't like. and put serving dishes on the table so i picked up what i would eat and left what i wouldn't, there was never ever power fights, when i got older if i was being arsy i was told to make something myself then. And i would. No battles. As an Adult i am still particular more so with fruit than veg, i only eat 2 types of fruit and will to this day not eat lumpy yoghurts. Im not being 'whiny' or difficult, its not easy going through life with aversion to foods and going to a buffet and sighing that you could only eat 3 things. I don't think anyone would choose to be like that. I have 1 child who is like me, and one who isnt and is much more flexible. Is it just me who feels making children feel naughty for being picky eaters is wrong?

There's nothing wrong with pizza or beans, but obviously it's healthier to have a varied diet. The trouble with MN is that many posters have issues with food on the opposite end of the scale. Eating anything but a salad every day is gluttony, and giving 'crap' like sweets or chicken nuggets even a glance of a side eye equates to a lifetime of obesity and being a burden to the NHS.

This is the sort of thing I don't miss having to put up with when my children were young.

In my experience, the sort of parents who said it were giving their children that sort of thing all the time. Now, that was none of my business. But it was my business when, for example, my children got teased at school for the contents of their lunchbox and because they didn't get that sort of thing at home.

And if you do have a state healthcare system like the UK, then I think it does impose a responsiblity to keep yourself and your kids healthy.

It really doesn’t, that’s just your personal opinion/assumption which you are taking as fact.

In my experience picky eaters are less likely to eat junk food. I work with children from marginalised backgrounds and live in an area with quite high poverty. In my experience most of the (neurotypical, not fussy) children I see around me are fed fast food regularly.

The only children I come into contact with who don’t eat junk food are the ones with severely restricted diets due to ASD. For example a child who’ll only eat cucumbers, or who will only eat plain chicken and pasta. Yes you might have an ASD child who only eats chicken nuggets, but there isn’t a correlation between being extremely restrictive in eating and junk food.

I dislike the attitude that because a child now has a food condition (or SEN), there is nothing that the parent could have done at any time. That's an abdication of parental responsibility plain and simple. That's what I'm attacking

You've repeatedlynprssumed in your posts that parents of restrictive eaters have taken the easy route. Do you not think most of those parents have tried everything possible to get their child to eat a wider variety?

People with ASD (unless very severe) are not impervious to parental influence. ASD should therefore not be used as a cop out. People with ASD are not, and I have my own experience to bear here, some sort of alien.

No one said they are impervious to parental influence and no one here is using ASD as a cop out. The point being made is that what one person sees as "picky" may be down to issues such as ASD and it's not as simple as saying a child will eat anything if they're hungry enough or that offering 'junk' is lazy parenting. You implied that sensory aversions to foods that aren't junk are an indicator of lazy parenting when in reality the parents has likely gone through a prolonged period of trial and error to find out what foods their child will eat. Dietician advice is always to offer some of what your child will eat so that at every meal there are a minimum of 1-2 "safe" foods.

And tinned baked beans are actually pretty healthy. The only dietary minus are the sugar and salt levels, which are easily fixed by choosing low sugar/salt versions.

Bought from the supermarket freezer, or in a tin, with goodness knows what else in it?
The ingredient list is literally right there.

I was a picky eater as a child, it was textures more than smells that bothered me. I definitely had sensory issues and still do a degree. My mum was generally tolerant of it but one time (due to frustration I imagine) she insisted I eat my lunch before I was allowed to go to a party so I force fed myself a bit of a disgustingly lumpy veg soup. When she deemed I'd had enough I was allowed up from the table and promptly vomited all over the kitchen floor - she never forced me again

I would never chose to be this way. I've eventually expanded my tolerance throughout adulthood through constant exposure and can eat most things with a few exceptions (mushrooms/prawns or anything "slimy" would still envoke gagging) but it's really not a choice! I never make a fuss about it and will always try something new. But I agree people who write off things before even trying and refuse to eat certain food groups can be very irritating - as ever it depends though as you'll generally be able to tell if the person has a genuine aversion or is just being a knob!

Well Heinz have been selling beans in tins since 1896 and the Ministry of Food classed them as an essential food during ww2 . So they can't be that bad really ? (I actually don't like beans)

@TomPinch, you obviously have your own issues with food and where it comes from. That's your perogative. However, you are coming over as very narrow in your view of food and dissmisive of others experiences purely because you think you've done it ever so right. You've made up a narrative in your own mind of how other parents 'must be doing it' based on your own judgements, and therefore seem to have no understanding of other people's positions or day to day lives at all.

And no, despite your 'experiences' I do not feed my children sweets and chicken nuggets every day. My eldest is still fussy, despite 5 years of trying in every manner to give him a full and varied diet. He also won't wear short sleeves and shorts in the hottest of weather, curls up in a ball when it gets too loud and hates getting messy with paint or mud or other things kids usually love playing with. That's sensory issues. Or have you got a million anecdotes about how you're a better parent because your children only ever wore 100% cotton so will put anything on withouta fuss, were taken to Glastonbury the age of 0 months so love loud music and were left outside in nature from the moment they could walk and are more mud than child?

Can't bear picky eaters. So childish. Always think they should grow up. I find it really representative of their character.

The only children I come into contact with who don’t eat junk food are the ones with severely restricted diets due to ASD. For example a child who’ll only eat cucumbers, or who will only eat plain chicken and pasta

That's DS.

Cucumber - slices not sticks.
Plain chicken breast
Peppers - red only
Plain pasta - penne only
Plain baked potato- no butter, not mashed up
Plain rice
Plain tortilla wrap - mini ones only
Plain porridge - as runny as possible
Peanut butter sandwich - one slice of white bread, smooth only

He will eat chicken dippers and oven chips but his preferred meal is cucumber slices, plain chicken, and a spoonful of plain penne.

Food must never touch other food on the plate, it must not be overcooked or it is "burnt" and can't be eaten, it mustn't be the incorrect shape or it is "ruined" and can't be eaten. He has to use a specific plate, a specific set of cutlery. It's not just a restrictive diet but also restrictive rituals around food.

Pizza made at home from white flour, yeast, water, tomatoes, garlic, salami, herbs, mozzarella: I wouldn't consider that junk either.

Literally the same ingredients as a restaurant or take away pizza.

Betcha that most kids with food issues wouldn't have them if junk wasn't an alternative. It's excusing laziness to say "my kids can't eat greens because issues, or because ASD". As has been pointed out, there are ASD kids who are great eaters.

And there are ASD kids who would starve rather that eat disliked or unfamiliar foods.

It's sad that someone who claims to have a child with ASD is so ignorant about it.

My "fussy" eater wouldn't eat chips, pizza, chicken nuggets, burgers, baked beans etc
So while its not unusual for some Dc to only eat junk food its not always the case

Can't bear picky eaters. So childish. Always think they should grow up. I find it really representative of their character.

@unchienandalusia ODFOD

My DSS does this really annoying head shake thing whenever he even looks at something that isn’t beige. It makes me and DH want to throttle him! He literally won’t even go near fruit and veg. Yet weirdly, when he didn’t realise there was banana in ‘banana bread’ (DH just said it was cake) he literally wolfed it down and now asks for it constantly. Sometimes you just have to try things and see how you go.

@MouthBreathingRage well you have taken what I have said out of context.

I was not being judgemental when I said that baked beans are not a vegetable.

Saying that adults who are fussy come across as childish and spoilt is judgemental and I stand by it.

Everyone's ideology will be based on experiences. Your child not eating a varied diet isn't something to be celebrated.

If kids are hungry surely they will eat? Perhaps it is hovering and hyterical parents who create "fussy eaters". Stuffing them with snacks won't help either.

If kids are hungry surely they will eat?

DS won't. He will starve rather than eat something not on his safe list.

@SonjaMorgan, everything I quoted is what you've said, you've even admitted in the same post that you've said something judgemental.

Your child not eating a varied diet isn't something to be celebrated.

Who the hell is 'celebrating' it? I've said how frustrating it is, but it's life for many people. Just because you don't have the capacity to understand it, doesn't give you the right to judge or think you are superior. Your experience is narrow, and in the wider context, irrelevant.

Well, it all depends doesn't it?

Beans made at home from dried haricots, tomatoes, onions, garlic, herbs, bacon: not junk. Or not in my view at least.

Pizza made at home from white flour, yeast, water, tomatoes, garlic, salami, herbs, mozzarella: I wouldn't consider that junk either.

It does all depend, doesn't it? To be frank I would much rather give my children freezer pizza and beans than highly processed red meats like your bacon and salami.

There are going to be a whole heap of ill informed and judgemental people on this thread this 100%.

So much of this is down to luck, some people are picky and some aren’t. If someone is truly restricted through taste or flavour then no amount of leading by example or serving up the same thing twice (draconian or what?!) will help. In fact I’d say that some of the ideas people have do more harm than good and cause huge amounts of embarrassment for people. Picky eaters know they’re picky, they don’t need it highlighted every time they figure out what they’ll be able to eat from a menu or buffet- just be quiet and let them get on with it.

Encouraging your children to eat a varied diet is fine but leave other people’s children and definitely leave other adults alone. Commenting on what other people will or won’t eat is incredibly rude and those that do it come across as ignorant.

KKSlider Has he ever been really hungry? No offence intended.

@schoenes I was brought up in Pakistan, we were very very poor. I would only eat things I didn’t like if they were accompanied by a beating, I would then swiftly vomit it up. Hunger was preferable to eating something thats taste made me vomit.

But some of this is about learning manners. It’s good manners to try something even if you’re not sure you will like it. You are doing your child a huge disservice if you let them think it’s ok to just be rude and ungrateful.

Has he ever been really hungry?

What the hell does this even mean? Are you suggesting that @kkslider hasn't starved her child into submission enough? 'If your child refuses to eat a certain food group, a small amount of child abuse should sort it out'. Jeez, the ignorance on this thread, it's like reading a 1950s child rearing guide to not having bad children....