In thinking that DD should be settling down by now?

[Jjsiter]

DD turned 28 last week. She lives in central London (flat share with a friend) and has a good job in financial services. I’m very proud of her, we have always been close as she’s an only child and we are still in touch daily. Since moving to London 4 years ago, she’s spent her time there very much living the party lifestyle. Most weekends she’ll be up until the early hours with friends, drinking and doing god knows what else. Even during the week she’ll often be out drinking with colleagues after work and then be rushing to get to work the following morning after a very late night. DD’s whole life seems to revolve around socialising with her friends and partying, which is constantly a worry for me. For instance, she earns enough to be in the very fortunate position of being able to purchase her own property in London, but has shown no interest in doing this at all as she claims to prefer living with friends. Whilst she’s been ‘seeing’ men here and there, DD has never had a long term relationship despite interest from many suitable men. I’m happy that DD is enjoying herself, but I cant help but feel as though she has reached an age where she should be thinking about her future and may regret her decision in terms of failing to prioritise her health and well-being, meeting a nice man to settle down with and eventually looking to start a family.

According to DD, her lifestyle is absolutely normal for somebody of her age living in the city and she has no plans to settle down. In fact, DD tells me that many of her close friends are in their 30s-early 40s and still living the same lifestyle. Admittedly I’m an older parent, but am I really so completely out of touch in that this is the new normal for professionals living in the city?

Im 51 and "only" met DH when I was 28 which wasn't old in my circle. We didn't get married until I was 33 so we didn't feel under any pressure to "settle down" then either

I think even if it weren't "normal" or "healthy", you still wouldn't be able to change it. She is making her own choices from the choices that are available to her. Anyone can fall in love at any time so the fact that she hasn't yet perhaps just indicates she hasn't met the right person? You can't force these things. Be happy she's happy.

I think you want to become a grandmother undernath it all, and tell you what my GC are doted on more that a little, just seen one this morn first time in months was almost in tears of joy:)

You'll just have ot accept that shes a 28 year old WOMAN now not a Girl or child anymore, my ex has had this problem with our DD2 who is a mum of 2 and now doing a very stressfull job in the NHS at the age of 24!

Christ that post is grim. Thankfully the 1950s are firmly behind us and women can aspire to be things other than wives and mothers! Good for your daughter for living life her own way.

Changes are the ops dd will end up married with children.

I worked in a big firm in the city in my twenties. Everyone lived like this.

15+ years on and every single one of them is married with kids living a 'traditional' lifestyle.

-Whatever.
I still want to celebrate people who make different kind of choises!!

Also, no idea why you put air quotes on the word traditional.
Husband, marriage, kids. That is the ultimate tradiotional lifestyle.

@DilemmaADay, not sure you have read my previous comments. Also, I don't feel 'lucky'. I was abused as a child, lost my mum and all grandparents at 14-15, suffered infertility for 7 years, two miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy, a lost tube, my son and I were very unwell after. I may have a home, but it came from a lot of hard work, when at one point I gave up on living. I am lucky to have my husband. But I would trade my house and money to have my mum back.

I think some people are being a bit harsh on the op. She is worried for her daughter, especially if she feels she is losing out on opportunities, to own property and to have kids etc.

I understand she had fertility problems and obviously is worried that maybe her daughter will have the same. If she does, she might be upset, so naturally as a mother is quite concerned.
Having said that, she might not want kids or may not be ready to settle down. Id explain your concerns, but leave the choice to her. If she doesn't wasnt to settle down, then she doesn't have to. She will have made her choice and I'd be for happy for her whatever she chooses. I would respect it and support her. I have found that most things fall into place themselves when the person is ready to. Before that happens, if the person bows to pressure, it generally doesn't work out due to resentment.

@Someone1987 I'm really sorry to hear that, it sounds like you've built a really nice life for yourself despite what you've been through. And from someone who also lost a parent young, I can fully sympathize

Sounds very normal and exactly what I hope my DD (who is 22) will be doing in six years' time. Not everyone wants to get married and have children and it's unfair to live vicariously through your children, who are their own people and entirely separate from their parents.

@DilemmaADay thank you. I'm sorry you have also lost a parent. It changes everything doesn't it. I think I'm jelous as feel I spent so much of my 20s yearning for a baby, I haven't had the fun and freedom the OP's daughter has had. Thank you for your kind words

People talking about fertility problems, fertility is never guaranteed at any age, people in their 20’s have fertility problems. Fertility does not decrease substantially until you’re 35+ anyway, and she is 28, that’s 7 years away. Do we even know if she wants kids? She could also be gay, and has not told OP, hence, no serious boyfriend. With OP’s traditional conservative attitude it wouldn’t be surprising.

I'm an older mother too, 34 when DS1 was born, 38 with DS2. I lived in London before I met DH at the age of 27 and a bit, we were engaged after a fortnight, married the next summer and after that we settled down to a quiet life in the country side with horses and dogs. BUT up until I met DH I lived exactly that lifestyle, parties every weekend,drinking after work and a large group of friends who were of a similar mind.
Most of my friends had their own houses or flats ( I paid £23k for my terraced house in Walthamstow) If I hadn't met DH when I did I don't suppose my lifestyle would have changed much for a few years.
Now my sons are grown up and live in London. The oldest is now nearly 30 and I think he will probably settle down in his mid 30's as he now has a girlfriend for the first time in ages and his interests have widened.
My old partying mates have now all been married for years, and have children and grandchildren, with the exception of one very career driven person. OP your daughter will be fine.

40 is the new 25.

Yes, being an older parent is a lot more tiring! Depends if she is truly happy or not.

Good for her. It’s really not everyone’s dream to meet a nice man, settle down, and have a family. That’s your wish for her, not her wish for herself.

Obviously her life her choice, however does she want kids? I think it's a shambles that women aren't given enough information about how fertility decreases as they age and a lot of my friends were only made aware of it when they struggled with conceiving in their 30s.

You sound a lot like my mum.
I see my mum maybe once a year now, and I don’t tell her much about what goes on in my life.

Literally me until I settled down at 35. It was AMAZING!!!

Happy, healthy and financially secure. Focus on the positives!

Children and grandchildren are not a given at any age. If she knows that her fertility will decrease in her 30s then it is her choice.

Perhaps she is hoping to meet someone but hasn't?

What if she doesn’t want kids full stop? Or can’t have them?

Leave her be. It’s her life, and some women don’t think marriage and kids is the ultimate life goal.

It’s not sad, it’s a perfectly valid choice.

Settling down is boring.

Her life sounds bloody fantastic! If I had my time again I’d do exactly what she’s doing!

It's her life not yours. Would you want to be told how you should live your life

She could be asexual and/or aromantic.

It is within the normal range, but I don't think it is typical or more common than other choices. It was also within the normal range 20 years ago. I have friends who did this until they hit 30 / 32, then they finally met the person they genuinely wanted to spend the rest of their life with and they changed their choices. One of them looked back on the fact that she had no savings to show for being a London lawyer for 10 years with a little regret, but not much. She regretted it much more at the point that she wanted to buy a house. Now they have a house and two kids she doesn't think about it any more.

Best not to put pressure on her. Let her make her own choices - she will anyway so you may as well not irritate her by questioning them. It will only damage your relationship.

I'm 33 and don't want to "settle down" does it matter? She's happy? So many of my friends have settled down and a lot of is due to parental pressures... certainly one of my closest friends her mother paid for an online dating subscription for her as was desperate for her to get married and have children. She has done that and is miserable!